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The New Assistant

The mail mare Derpy Hooves, everypony hates her. They say she's stupid, worthless, but that isn't true. She's actually really smart. One day, she has to deliver a package to an unknown address to an unkown pony. She doesn't realize that her life is about to change, entirely.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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Novalis14

Novalis14 #1 · Dec 24th, 2014 · · ·

This feels rushed but that might be in part because of the third person doesn't work all that well in this story. Also you leave some loose bits such as why does she shout when the doctor is talking about twilight. Who has the medical condition her parents and herself? Why would the Father go after her about dinner and not the mother. What did ditzy do with the tea? What was with the robot?

I do like the general story but I think it needs a touch up. I would love to see a rewrite.

Kandy_the_Pony

Kandy_the_Pony #2 · Dec 24th, 2014 · · ·

5419072
Thank you for the advice! I will try to but you know, holidays and all. I also have other stories on queue, so I have to get those finished too. So, I will try my absolute best. Once again, thank you.

Pinkie13Pie