Fluttershy is running for her life from a viscous, three-headed monster that wants nothing more than to make a meal of her. She spends what little time she has thinking back on who she has become, and trying to answer one simple question: How did it all come to this?
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It's usually a good idea to make your first chapter at least a thousand words. People can be a bit funny about that around these parts.
There are a couple of grammar mistakes (one doesn't generally put parentheses in speech).
Story is decent enough, though it needs more description.
5293735
Thank you, I really am new at this thing and my proof-reader was too busy to re-read the first few chapters.
Also, as I said the small chapters help keep my mind on the story. I didn't know about a thousand words per chapter.
Do you have any ideas for more description? I'm taking suggestions on where this story goes, because I still have a very vague idea.
I am thinking of giving her an abusive family and/or start a fluttercord ship
5293806
Well, you should be able to get a thousand words alone out of Fluttershy's terror at being chased by a monster. Remember to include the feelings that a character is experiencing at the moment.
You won't get many people to read this with a description like that.
"Fluttershy thinks back on what her who she is now while being chased by a monster"
It's missing punctuation, it's really short, and it has a few extra words that don't make sense. Simply fixing the errors so it says something like this would be a good start:
"Fluttershy thinks back on who she has become while being chased by a monster."
5293835
Yes, But I don't want to focus on the monster scene too much. I'd much rather just have it a back story. I had wanted it as a reflection, however, because I have an idea for the end.
5294523
Thank you, would you mind if I use that? I am not the best at telling stories and I hope that Fimfiction will help me.
5313348 I'm fine with you using what I wrote.
Honestly, what I wrote was still too short. I can't think of any situation where a one sentence description is a good thing, but it's hard for me to offer any more help than I already have, because I'm not the author, so I don't know what is going to happen in the story. Even so, I'll give it my best shot:
Fluttershy is running for her life from a viscous, three-headed monster that wants nothing more than to make a meal of her. She spends what little time she has thinking back on who she has become, and trying to answer one simple question: How did it all come to this?
(You can use this one, or the other one. Whichever you prefer.)
5313672
THAT'S PERFECT!
Thank you so much! I also have very little idea where this is going. I'm just letting the story roll on its own.