Just a fan of MLP. Also if you would like to see any art I am planning on doing for certain stories you can see it at my Deviant art, I go by Turtle-Wolf there. Hope you guys like my stories.
A young unicorn wishes for one simple thing. The gift of flight. Her heart yearns for it more than anything. But being one of the rare unicorns with a magic cutie mark she is ridiculed for it. Why give up something so amazing and rare for a pair of dingy old wings? But when a heart wants something, a wish can come true. If only for one single night. Her wish comes true for her in the form a single nights dream. But could it possibly last longer?
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This sentence is unclear. It could mean that her eyes were cursed. Like Derpy, maybe.
*that
This sentence probably should be on its own line and quoted as her thought, or at least italicized.
*descent
*and Also, you need a comma after 'shakily'.
*sides
*stars And comma after 'Yes'.
*filled
*wiped
*knew comma after 'that' consider deleting and adding it after 'knew' or leaving it out all together.
This was pretty good overall. You need more commas, more than I pointed out. But you seem to have a grasp of when to use them for the most part.
The flow of your story needs work, and there were areas I wish you had spent a lot more time detailing and fleshing out. Mainly her first flight and her description of her wings. This is the incarnation of her lifelong dream! Also, the main reason for your story. But it seemed far too brief and sparsely detailed.
However, you did get your point across. Good Job!
Thank you for all the pointers.
5272010 I fixed everything I could find and added more. thank you for the help it is very much appreciated.
Wow, that was really incredible. Not only is it well written, it sends a powerful message and tells a complete story in under two thousand words. You should be proud of this piece.
5430549 Thanks for input, its greatly appritiated.
Hey there, it's Zealot from "Say something nice"
Well, I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed this story. You clearly know how to write, hehe.
Yes, it was well written and very poignant with an interesting concept. It's really good. You've earned yourself a like and a watch from me. Well done.
Should be: threw
Was a good read, and I enjoyed it. Was wondering if the mare in the story knew of Twilight's flight spell from "Sonic Rainboom", and if she ignored it because it was temporary. Also was wondering if maybe the pony was the lone unicorn in generations to a pegasi family, and that is why she has such a strong desire to fly (and so much self hate). Guess I'm just asking for a continue of this....