Chaotic Mothering

by cosmicman12

Chapter 1

In the universe we know, the day of chaos as quickly put to an end by the elements by resealing discord away in stone, but the elements are tricky and at times have a mind of their own. Why was nightmare moon turned back into Luna instead re-imprisoned on the moon? In a vast expanse of multiverses with many a different outcome there exists thousands of different choices by the Elements of Harmony, this is just one of them.
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As the element bearers stood in victory, cheering over the defeated chaos bringer, as the dust and the rainbows cleared, their cheers and celebrations were cut off by a loud, shrill cry
"What is that?" the curious musings of the lavender unicorn, Twilight Sparkle, wanted to know
"I have no idea" came the quick response of Rainbow Dash, the ROY G BIV-maned, cyan feathered, pegasus mare
they looks towards the clearing smoke to see a shreiking Draconequus foal
"oh... oh my..." the shy yellow pegasus slowly flew over to him, scooping him into her warm hooves, her warm body and gentle hug started to calm the tiny creature.
"Fluttershy, are you really doing this?" Rarity, the rather concerned white unicorn, asked with some apprehension
"Yes Rarity, I am" Fluttershy responded smoothly, with a hint of worry that she disappointed her friends
Twilight quickly dropped in "Fluttershy, he's a Draconequus, he brought all this chaos and now you want to look after him?"
"I'm sorry Twilght, but I can't leave him alone like this, I'll never forgive myself if I do"
"Fluttershy, I know you like to take care of stuff, but the guy took our wings" the Cyan pegasus was quick to chime in, still angry about Discords antics.
"But... I..." Fluttershy looked down sadly at the tiny Draconequus who was curled up in her soft embrace, he slowly opened his eyes and looked up at her, suddenly to get pulled away by one the guards, the sudden shift from the soft, motherly pegasus mare to the cold and steel-skinned guard caused the shrill, paniced cry return to him
Tears of pain and desperation came from the yellow peagsus as the crying tore her heart into nothing, Applejack and Rainbow Dash were quick to hold her back, Twilight stepped in front of her "Fluttershy, it's for the good of Equestria, I know you feel bad but it needs to be done"

As soon as the Draconequus was taken out of view, the heart broken Fluttershy was quick to break from the two and flew back to her cottage like a shot, burying herself in a cushion and wailing like a banshee at the feeling of loss that was tearing her soul asunder "Why...? for Luna's sake why?" the animals were quick to react, hearing the pain and sadness from the caretaker and best friend, and began to comfort her the best they could, even the normally rather callous Angel Bunny, was being torn at her peaked sadness, they all tried to comfort her until the other ponies they knew so well came in to see her as they have never seen her before, as they approached her, she quickly jumped up and shot into her room, locking the door and shouting that she wanted to be alone, the fact that it was an actual shout let them know she really needed to be alone, they all left the house, all ready to comfort her as soon as she had calmed down. Many hours passed in regret and loneliess until the normally reserved pegasus snapped, she knew what she had to do, she couldn't let the Draconequus baby be left at the mercy of such horrible guards, she may have be acting on impulse, but she improvised what she considered the perfect plan, pulling a cart filled to the brim with a great many foods, she quickly snuck past her friends and went to the prison, she had to act very carefully to fool the veteran guard.
"Umm... excuse me, I know Discord is here, I just want to give him some food before he goes to Canterlot"
The guard gave her a look of disbelief, he carefully searched the cart and found nothing but food, satisfied with the contents, he slowly waved her through, after some paperwork and a lot of bluffing, she was finally let into the Nightmarium box that held the Draconequus, his eyes lit up at the sight of Fluttershy, he was quick to reach out for her, rememebering her warm, soft, loving embrace, a small smile came onto her face as she saw the little tuft of animals beneath her, after a lot of manipulating of the food, she gave him small comforts and hid him under the great many "leftovers" and slowly pulled it out, trying her best to look innocent, once again avoiding her friends, she got back to her cottage and sat down on the couch with the young, cooing Discord and smiled more and more, she procedded to wrap him in a blanket and lay him in a cat basket while she went for the things she needed... it was going to be hard to handle this, but the pegasus was determined to make it work...

As she got to the shopping mall, she quickly walked around the foalcare aisle, trying to figure out what she needed, feeling helpless, she asked one of the staff for help and was then quickly overwhelmed by the fast talking stallion, she tried desperately to keep up with his words but became lost as he piled piece after piece after piece of foalcare supplies into her cart, when he had finally finished and her cart was filled to the brim with so many different things, she looked at him, he quickly looked back and said "Congratulations ma'am, please come again"

she stared blankly as she made her way to the counter, paying out the large total she had gathered and taking everything back, hiding herself from the ever watchful eye of her friends

Comments

[Dj Aw3]

I love it! It is a good solid base for a story with a load of potential. Well done!

[TacticalRainboom]

Insert obnoxious comment comparing your work to Past Sins here.

[superfunnelc]

Flutters should have punched the guard and ran

[punisher143]

The editing could do with a lot of work, but other than that color me intrigued.

[Lionheart]

lookin good

[emberghost]

501038 that would be REALLY out of charecter.

This is looking good, though you should get a prereader to find typos and errors for you.

[TwiCat]

It's really cute so far. I can't wait to see what you have planned for the rest of the story.

[TheKageKitsune000]

The dawww factor is too high!
I think it is a cute basis for a story, and something Fluttershy would actually do, can't wait to see how this plays out

[Yokal]

It works! Will want to read more of this soon!

[NightmareDash]

Sounds strangely like this.

[AbeTheGreaser]

this is going to be great! can't wait to actually start reading it!

also props to the artist of the cover pic! it's absolutely amazing!

[Wind Whistler is love]

This is rushed as heck, and has a good many typos and comma splices. The plot is awesome though, and the characterization...not much to judge by, but seems good so far...so I shall fav this.

I really think you need to slow down and explain things a bit more...particularly the part where the guards first take Discord. You don't tell us why they want him, or why as Twilight says "it's for the good of Equestria." That left me sitting there going, "So, what?...Are they going to kill him or something?" Apparently "or something" lol. You also don't explain anything about this prison, how Fluttershy knows where it is, or what the heck Nightmarium is (but honestly, that at least half works as something to keep me wondering enough to keep reading, so...do as you like with that, but for pity's sake, give me an explanation at some point, don't just tease me with that kind of stuff, agh!) You don't describe the prison at all when Fluttershy's there, which a. makes it difficult to imagine the scene and b. leaves me without key information in discerning whether or not Fluttershy made the right choice in my opinion. Also, why does everyone assume that Fluttershy actually wants to keep Discord just based on her hugging him? It just seems to me that you have this very specific plot in mind and you're such a hurry to make it happen that you risk leaving your readers behind, because you know where you're going but we don't...

Anyway, hope that doesn't sound too harsh...I just tend to ramble on like that, hehe. And I really do think it's great besides that one problem...

[???]

wha...bu....guh...lord of chaos? a child again? WHAT IS THIS MADDNESS!!!....oh wait it's discord

[Lexicon]

511578
Yeah, a lot of that could probably be explained in the next couple of chapters. I actually am working on a fan-fic that I haven't posted yet, and my pre-readers were giving me similar complaints. I half did things the way I did intentionally, half unintentionally as it's just flowing from my head for the most part.

As for you, author, you really need to fix that giant paragraph where she decides what to do. Seriously, most of that is a giant run on sentence. Makes it harder to read.

Other than those two things, it looks good. I want to see more.

[shominimamoto]

Very good. Like wind whistler said, things need to be explained more. I will track and see what happens.

[PrincessMidnight]

static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/You+sir+just+ran+me+dry+for+party+pony+gifs+_b52bd0b38a113ad58ac40174e8f92fe6.gif

I disprove the use of my father in this way but its actually pretty good, we speak of this to nopony.

[SwiperTheFox]

511578
I agree with this, and I'd also like to echo that this is a very rough story. You should go back and edit a bunch of things. Look at other people's fanfics and use their formatting as a guide.

[Dissidence]

I like the concept a lot. Its still very rough around the edges but I will follow with the hopes that these issues get corrected.

[Iamsorry]

wow hope to see more of this
its soo great :3