Cotton Candy: Nightmare Night

by LoveNote

Cotton and Sky

Author's Note:

Ok just going to start this off with THIS IS MY FIRST BOOK. Its just a short little one for nightmare night. I hope you guys like it!

"Cotton Candy?" The light blue and bright yellow filly calls out as she walks into her babysitters house. She was early, her mom wanted to get coffee before she went to work. A crash comes from the kitchen and a pink hairs young mare peeks her head around the corner.

"Sky Light! You're early!" Cotton Candy looks back into the kitchen. "I was making cupcakes, but you scared me when you called to me, so I split the mix all over the ground. Sky Light walks over to Cotton Candy and takes a peek at the mess. She cringes. There was cupcake batter all over the floor and cabinets.

"Sorry about that. My mom wanted coffee." Sky looks at Cotton Candy closely. She had batter on her almost white coat. "You've got.." She stops as Cotton Candy scoops her up in a big hug.

"Its ok Sky! I don't mind having the extra five minutes with you!" Cotton Candy drops Sky back to the floor and she looks down at herself. She had white smears on her light blue coat. "Whoops." Cotton Candy says and grabs a towel. She starts to wipe the batter off and Sky laughs.

"Don't worry about it, i'll wash it off later." Sky loves her baby sitter. She is her friend, not her watcher. She relates to Cotton Candy.

"Well, what do you want to do today?" Cotton asks Sky as they walk into the living room, leaving the mess for later. Sky jumps onto the couch and faces Cotton, almost as tall as her now.

"I was thinking. Nightmare Night is tonight. I don't have a costume. My mom said if I wanted one I would have to make it like my sister had to her whole life. So, could we make one?" Cotton Candy beams. This will be so much fun!

"Yes! Let me go get some paper so we can write down ideas." Cotton turns on her heals and runs towards the stairs. Sky cringes as banging comes to her ears from the direction of the stairs. "I'm ok!" Cotton calls from the bottom of the stairs she just fell down. While she waits, Sky tries to levitate the pen she found on the coffee table. A light blue glow surrounds the pen and it shakes. Sky smiles. That's the best she has done yet!

Cotton Candy comes back into the room and breaks Sky's concentration. Not that she really minded. Magic tires the young filly quiet fast. Cotton throws some paper in front of the filly and sit on the ground next to her.

"Lets think. I've got some great ideas." She starts to write on the paper fast. Sky looks at her paper and tries to think of something, anything. After about 10 minutes Cotton Candy jumps up with a paper full of writing.

"Ok, what do you have?" She asks cheerfully. Sky looks from Cotton back to her paper. Still blank. She blushes and shoves her paper off the side of the table.

"Let's just look at yours." She says shyly. Cotton does not seem to notice and she holds up the paper and reads the first one. She trots over to her room and grabs a box out from under her bed and brings it back out to Sky. She opens it, reveling a cheer leading outfit. Sky's eyes light up with joy. Cotton pulls out the red and white pom pom and shuts the box.

"The full outfit would not fit you, it was mine from my last year at Ponyville High." Sky's eyes drop, along with her dreams of being a cheer pony this Nightmare Night. Cotton grabs a piece of paper and quickly writes something on it. Sky Light strains her neck to see what it says. No luck though. Cotton Candy grabs some tap and then smacks the paper to her chest. Sky looks down.

"Go ceiling?" She asks, confused. Cotton throws the pom poms at you.

"You don't get it? You're a ceiling fan!" She says and then falls on her back laughing. Sky looks down again and the poorly written 'ceiling' on her chest.

"Uh, got any other ideas?" Cotton gets up fast and jumps back over to her paper.

"Yes!" She scans the paper as Sky rips the paper off her chest and gently sets it aside. Cotton runs back to her room and returns with a white shirt. Well, an almost white shirt. It also had a huge yellow circle painted on its back. Cotton pulls it over Sky's head. It was only a little big on her. Cotton then plops devil horns on her small head.

"Uh.." Sky says when Cotton hold up a small mirror up so she could see herself. "I'm.... I'm a....." She tries to think. A flash of disappointment comes across Cottons face but is gone in 1/2 second.

"You're a deviled egg!" She says joyfully. Sky gives one last look in the mirror. It's..... clever? She slips the shirt off, taking the horns with it.

"Got another idea? Sky asks cheerfully. She really does not want to hurt her baby sitters feeling but she also wants a costume that's.. good. Cotton glances at her paper again before running back to her room. Sky gazes out of the window while she waits for Cotton to come back. Cotton plops a hat on her head, making her jump, when she gets back. Then she pops a party favor in her mouth, one of the ones that you blow into it and it unravels and makes a weird sound. Cotton then proceeds to stuff a too big shirt over her head that had cheetah print on it.

"You're a PARTY ANIMAL!" She giggles and holds up the mirror again. The hat on her head was a party hat. Sky gives the party favor one good blow and then spits it out.

"Another?" She asks carefully as she pulls the hat off and then the shirt. There was a pile of failed costumes next to her. Cotton hops up and trots over to the kitchen this time. She comes back in with a... box of cereal? She tied the cereal on my back with rope and then grabs a plastic knife. Cotton stabs it into box of cereal and Sky jumps.

"Hahaha don't worry I wont stab you." Cotton laughs and grabs some fake blood and squirts it onto the box next to the knife. Sky looks at her self in the mirror before pulling the costume off of her. 'Cereal killer' was just not working for her. Sky sighs. This time when Cotton Candy runs off to gather stuff for her costume Sky takes a look at the paper.

Ceiling fan - Pom pom, paper with 'go ceiling' written on it.
Deviled eggs - White and yellow shirt, devil horns.
Party animal - Cheetah shirt, party hat/favor.
Cereal killer - Cereal, knife, fake blood.
French kiss - Black and white striped shirt, a beret, kiss chocolate.
Self-absorbed - Sponges, paper with 'I'm awesome' written on it.
Black mail - Black shirt, stamps.
Facebook - Write book on face.
Gold digger - Gold shirt, shovel, helmet.
Queen of hearts - Red and white heart shirt, Tiara.
Dust bunny - Bunny ears, feather duster.
Black eyed pea - Black face paint, shirt with a P on it.
Quarter back - Quarters, shirt.
Holy cow - Black and white shirt, angel wings/halo.

Sky jumps as Cotton comes back in with her supplies for 'French kiss'. Sky was in for a long day.

Comments

[Zachurra]

Normally I don't read "this is my first story" stories because I generally just don't find their descriptions interesting, but the cover art for this one really caught me with the adorableness.

Anyways, I think I'd suggest finding someone to read your stories after you've written them, or simply rereading them out loud to someone. Trust me, I've caught so many of my own mistakes that way.

As for the story itself, it has the potential to be something quite cute. However, it needs a bit more fleshing out.

From a grammatical standpoint: Firstly, I'd suggest spacing out the paragraphs. It makes it look less like squeezed together clumps of text, and gives the illusion of being a longer story.

"Its ok Sky! I don't mind having the extra five minutes with you!" She drops me back to the floor and Sky looks down at herself.

You accidentally went first-person mode here.

From a story standpoint: Is her name Star Light or Sky Light? Because the name in the story and the name in the description don't match up...

Secondly, how old is this filly? CMC age? Slightly older/younger? Just curious, as she is clearly young enough to need a babysitter.

I wouldn't mind going through the story as a whole and fixing it up to be more presentable and informative about the surroundings and characters a bit, if you're in need of an editor. Either way, good luck with the rest of your fics!

[LoveNote]

5254565 I would love it if you would help fix this story up, I don't have an editor. Thank you! I will also go and fix what you have already told me about. :) Oh and her name should be Sky Light, and she is a little younger then the CMC.

[Zachurra]

5261643

Send me a PM sometime and I'll see what I can do