Snk'Skzz'thwt the Bargainer, High Demon Lord of the Eighth Circle, receives an unexpected visitor.
And some ginger cookies.
Now with an audio reading by Quinch!
Recommended by Present Perfect! "Really funny. :D"
Originally written for the Quills & Sofas "Technically Not Terrible" MLP speedfic competition. Edited and expanded for FIMFiction!
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This, was cute, fun, and certainly how you get to a great one.
Very Estee, very George in a style of things.
But thoroughly enjoyable.
And that ending, a dish best served.
Am I bad for feeling bad for Snk'Skzz'thwt? Because I do
Obligatory "I've come to bargain" is obligatory. >_>
It's funny how I have no true OCs as of yet, because there are enough obscure background ponies to shove into just about any role I could need. We have a pony priest, without any other signs of religion in the whole franchise barring Celestia existing and a few Sandwich Problems. We can even play animation errors seriously if we have to (I have an Alicorn of Death created in that manner with a name taken from No More Heroes and a justification for non-Princesshood taken from Discworld)
Those were some darned-good cookies.
At least Sunny Rays didn't have to go through Equestria's bureaucracy to get her name changed. Multiversal demon lords could learn a thing or three from them...
I wonder if he ever got desperate enough to try summoning a Baker from Equestria, and ended up going through Time Turner, Gabby, and THE EVENT.
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The real question is whether this is close enough to qualify one as a baker.
derpicdn.net/img/2018/9/7/1827042/large.jpeg
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PUUUDDDIIIIINNNGGGG.
So. A difficult delivery, I take it?
In any case, a good lesson to learn. The way to even a bureaucrat's heart is through his stomach. Just make sure you can pierce all the intervening tissues, especially when he has DR 20/epic and good.
Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for the Skull Throne!
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And more of those incredible ginger snaps for Snk'Skzz'thwt the Bargainer!
This was delightful!
Truly, it takes an Equestrian to successfully bargain with Disemvoweled One.
No skulls for the Skull Throne as the picture entails, but that's fine by me.
This was my favourite story from that speedwriting edition, and I really like the expansions you've added to it. I feel there's still an unanswered question at its heart, of why a parent would name their child so, but the protagonist's one line evasion of it is funny enough to work instead in the context of the story. It's only when thinking about if afterward that the question reasserts itself.
I hadn't quite appreciated before how a pony's name and cutie mark are kind of two different shades of the same thing, while not necessarily that related. There isn't much to suggest that Fluttershy likes animals just from her name, for example. Thanks for bringing it up!
I need more papa pls, it is amazing.
how can you miss the opportunity to demand "weekly cookie delivery" in payment?? Truly, a tragic story.
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Baron Engel never fails to impress me.
Well, taking baseline into account I believe it should be "weight of my good deeds"
Snrk
That was cute and silly.
Absolutely beautiful. Brings me to tears.
The words were tasty, but ginger snaps? Meh. Now, chocolate chip would be more like it.
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Sir or madam. You may prefer chocolate chip, but not all of us do.
Personally, I'm partial to ginger oatmeal over mere chocolate chip.
This was delightful.
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What's this? Chocolate chip? Ginger oatmeal?
Bah.
Give me cinnamon raisin or white macadamia.
Oh why?
he should have bargained harder like what *his* name suggests...
for one plate of cookies every other day sent via portal to his Desk... Hehehehe
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what by all things unholy is THE EVENT? is it like The Hole? Or The Orb?
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Worse. Its whatever PARTY, that Pinkie Pie beleives is deserving of that name for you at that time.
You know, Pinkie Pie? She Who Pronks Behind?
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The most controversial column in the history of advice columnist Ann Landers was the one about whether toilet paper should hang over or under the roll.
Similarly, I am pretty sure that if the cookie type debate continues, it will take over the comment section completely, spiral out of control into FIMFiction blogs, get picked up by the mainstream media, and end up in tears, blood, and defenestration.
So if you'll excuse me, I'm just going to start preemptively running away.
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Under the roll? Poor, misguided heathens.
You might be able to duck responsibility for this one, as it's perfectly normal to write unreliable characters; being a lord of hell doesn't necessarily correlate with optimal cookie selection.
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Shhhhhhhh! By the old ones! (may they forever sleep) She can hear you.
I had expected him to demand eternal ginger cookie goodness, though the traumatic event of losing euphoric bliss for eternity is a satisfying end also.
Dem cookies lived up to her new name though
Ahhhh, I love it! XD
Someone really geeky investigated the physics of the toilet paper roll issue. For the typical mount, if your goal is to tear the paper off with a jerk, the paper going behind means it is being lifted up as you tear, and has less friction. So, the window of force where you don't wind up with the paper all over the floor is narrower if it goes behind and underside, and you are less likely to have a mess if it goes over the top.
Yea, as i said: really geeky.
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As far as I'm concerned it's a pretty settled issue; the physics just sort of clinches it. With top-down hanging you don't have to grope behind the roll for the hanging end. And the designs on the paper are also optimized for top-down hanging -- you get to see them as you pull rather than having the blank side up.
The only argument I've ever heard that makes sense in the other direction is to minimize mess from cats getting bored and clawing at the hanging end; allegedly they can pull more paper out more easily from a top-down roll. But even that I'm dubious of. It probably depends a lot on the cat.
Speaking of cats, why do they give us double-sized rolls? Cat owners want half-sized rolls so our cats destroy less.
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You say that as if everything was designed for the benefit of humans rather than the cats who own them.
And for the rest of her life, the pony now known as Better One ran the Better Bakeshop and Cookie Emporium, and had only good things to say about the unspecified creature who had given her a second chance at life.
Although she never added a delivery service, to a certain individuals eternal regret.
Heya! I just want to let you know I done did a reading of the story here, in case anyone cares to have a listen {and pity my poor subsequently scratched throat}.
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The voices really bring the story out! Adding the link to the story description and I'll try to plug it in a blog.
I love it! Thank you so much
Apologies for the unpronounceability of Snk'Skzz'thwt.
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Hehe, I'm glad you liked it.
Now that I think about it, I could have just had him pronounce his name as Snake-Skuzzthwait and edited out the vowels. Ah well, hindsight is 20/20.
Just re-read this story. Is there a way to like the same story twice? It deserves it.
Pony things.