In the days that followed the great war there was much suffering. Many things which should not have been seen became everyday experience and Equestria's great capital city of Canterlot was brought to ruins. Luna remained as the sole survivor of the royal family, but was forced to flee the palace for her life... but she will return. She will return with a vengeance in eyes and bloodlust in her heart...
[please note that the cast for this story is dynamic and uncertain, this is only a spoiler for an upcoming series I plan on writing.]
Chapters (2)
Looks great! Can't wait to see the full story!
And BA Pinkie is best Pinkie.
Wow, that's... quite something. I appreciate the gratuitous violence and Twilight magical pwn-up scene. Andre here from Bronies Group by the way
I'm glad you enjoyed it. And yes, Twilight has SO much potential...Wait till you see what I have planned, this is only getting started...
Couple of minor grammar errors I spotted:
"...watching in horror as a griffon slay a pony with it talons," should be "watching in horror as a griffon slayed a pony with it's talons"
and
"For after foe fell to her blades" should be "Foe after foe fell to her blades"
Keep up the awesome work!
The second will be corrected, thanks! The first is simply an alternate use. It still remains proper tense usage and everything.
66437
It's actually "watching in horror as a griffon slayed a pony with its talons," not "it's."
There were some grammatical mistakes, but otherwise the story was interesting! Keep up the good work!
66781 Good point, that was incessantly stupid of me
67049>>66781
While we're on the subject, wouldn't it be slew, not slayed?
I'm firing my editors... XD I seriously went through this 3 times myself, and had 3 other people (my editing team) go over it as well...
Also...who trolled me with a 1 star? Kinda sad that we have trolls here, unless it's another author that is jelly of me.
Okay, just fixed the issues with "its" vs "it's" I think one of my editors did that and I failed to catch on my final edit. *I* know the proper use, but occasionally slip up, it happens. I found 6 misuses of it I think when I just went through it now...
68219
I hereby admit that I stand corrected - Yep, turns out it's "its", and yes, it's slew, not slayed, thank you for correcting the correction of my correction. What is this, correctionception?
69856 Correctionception actually sounds pretty good.
Wow....
This has a lot of potential to be a great story....
Very well written, if I do say so myself.
The only recommendation that I have is to convey a bit more emotion in the dialogue between Twi and Luna at the beginning.
Good story, cousin!
I will apologize in advance, this last chapter is shorter than I would have liked and is currently un-edited, so there WILL be a few grammatical errors here and there. Please bear with me in that, and point them out if you see any I miss. I will fix them.
Check my journal for some good news! :D