• Published 31st Oct 2014
  • 356 Views, 37 Comments

A band Outcasts takes over Canterlot - Pvt blu

a story were a small group of changelings take over canterlot using some randomness

  • ...

Chapter 1

Somewhere in Everfree there was a fort, not owned by ponies but rather by changelings, their leader did not have a name so he was called UCC, unnamed changeling captain, a veteran fighter with that cared for his soldiers and helped everypony as long as they promised to keep the fort a secrete but today was the day he was forced to do something he did not like

There was a knock on the door of the changeling captains office "Come in." he said

A changeling wearing steel armor opened the door and saluted "Captain, the diplomat we sent to Canterlot, we have lost communication with him!"

"At ease, lieutenant, I thought this might happen." the Captain said with a sigh

"Sir what are we gonna do, this is the third diplomat we lost." the lieutenant asked nervously "and we lost another scouting squad plus we are running low on suplies"

Captain lower his head "So, those ponies won't listen to eneything we say, I hate to do this but this means that we will have to force them to listen, we need to get into Canterlot

Suddenly a changeling wearing a green cap popped out of nowhere, which caused both the lieutenant and the captain to jump slightly " Wow their UCC, don't tell me your gonna try invade Canterlot, I mean the queen failed with more then double the changelings we have in this whole fort."

"No,no,no private Mirror , where not gonna to a full scale invasion, where going to infiltrate Canterlot." UCC corrected

"But captain,one does not simply walk into Canterlot, the princess is ever watching." the Private countered making a gesture with his

"Private, have you been watching that ridicules human movie 'Lord Of The Rings' again?" the lieutenant asked

Mirror just gave him a sinister grin "maybe, maybe not"

The lieutenant let out a sigh " I swear to the hive, where do you even get these stuff?"

"it is a secrete,only the element of laughter will understand" Mirror said in a mysterious voice before whispering at a 'screen' "yeah, I am kind of like Pinkie Pie
"As I was saying," the captain continued "were going to infiltrate Canterlot with only a few changelings, confront the princess and , if needed, force her to listen."

" Sir, how are we gonna fight the princess and what about the elements?" the Lieutenant asked

"We use team work, Shadow we use team work, and the elements, we can only hope they are not their on coincidence" UCC answered "We are going to meet at the southwest side then we will split up in few groups then we must be in the Palace before getting caught and before you ask Shining Armor and Cade... what ever that princess name is will not be there so we wont have to worry about the shield and another thing, you and the private here will be going with me

"Your participating?!" Both of the changelings asked in unison

"And sir, do you really think it is a good idea to have the private on this mission?" Shadow asked in a shaking voice

"Yes, I am going to partake and yes, the young soldier needs experience, and no 'buts' about it." the Captain told the armored changeling

The lieutenant sputtered before saying in a weary voice "Yes,sir" while Mirror was celebrating by doing flips and cheering

"Okay, we moving soon, so gear up!"

few hours later

"Okay we are here, stay close and try not to attract to much attention." the captain told the two changelings.

Lieutenant Shadow was wearing the same steel armor, Private Mirror wearied armor made out emeralds, but wearied his cap instead of a helmet, and UCC wearied diamond armor with a helmet that had a visor.

They made it to the palace with out drawing attention but Mirror stole some cotton candy and they encountered a drunk pony with a red coat and and orange mane and when he saw them he started talking gibberish and passed out

"Okay that drunken pony was weird but, here we are see that? balcony, we are going there, the offer squads already made it in." the captain said and he,the private and lieutenant flew up to the balcony "lieutenant, get the door."

"Sir, yes, sir!" he shouted only get hushed by the captain

"And keep it down."

"Sorry sir" he apologized tried to get the door open "it is locked."

Mirror pushed him to the side "let me handle this. IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZOR " the captain and the lieutenant eyes (if they had pupils) widened in terror at the racket while Mirror shot a blue energy beam from his mouth.

After blasting the door, the private turned around "See easy, and not even a guard around."the lieutenant who jaw still hanged, raised a hoof which caused Mirrors smile to fade. "their behind, aren't they?"Both of the shocked changelings nodded ,the private turned around to see five Royal Guards, all pointing their spears at them. "eeerrr? he proceeded to come up with a plan, he suddenly got a monocle and a mustache and put on his most gentlecolt voice on "Would you good sirs care for some tee?" the guards only shacked their heads, followed by the private's monocle and mustache falling off

"Get behind me!" UCC yelled after snapping out of confusion and jumped at the guards and attacked them, he ducked under the spears and delivered a uppercut to the first , another tried to attack but only to get blasted in the face with green magic, two more (some how they lost there weapons) jumped at him but only to crash into each other as the captain teleported out of the way, the last one only looked on in horrer when the captain turned his face to him, he ran away

"This place is going to get flooded with guards I will contact the others and tell time it is time to go loud."UCC said while dusting his shoulder plates off.

the private nodded"Good, we better get moving then" as he grabbed a very shocked lieutenant and dragged him along.

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Comments ( 37 )

The title and description make absolutely no sense whatsoever. Could you invest in an editor before I even begin reading this story you presented before us all?

5213511 Your loss if you don't read it.

5213597 Before we carry on with our oh-so-pleasant discussion, may I ask you this: how many fanfictions did you read on this site alone? Give me a rough estimate if you must. :trollestia:

Mirror pushed him to the side "let me handle this. IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZOR " the captain and the lieutenant eyes (if they had pupils) widened in terror at the racket while Mirror shot a blue energy beam from his mouth.

>the year 2010+4
>using outdated memes unironically

5213617 Hmmm close to a 1,000 probably more why?

5213862 Alright. Now, another question: do you honestly think this story is in any way, shape, or form decent?

5213865 I haven't read it yet... Point is you're making assumptions about everybody else who might like to read this by saying all of us. I've read stories that have hardly any followers and its mind blowing good. I got an Idea why don't you be an editor for him since you wanna criticize his work before you read it.

5213898 I would take up the offer, but I've been juggling so much (let's see: dryer broke, air and heating unit went kaput, and I have to tend to a momma dog and her eight puppies) I'm amazed I can still update my novel at the rate I update. :applejackunsure:

Actually, no assumptions about everyone else was made. Her comment was:

Could you invest in an editor before I even begin reading this story you presented before us all?

That's not an assumption, it's a fact. The story was presented to us all. She simply requested the author look for an editor before she begins reading this story the author posted publicly.

And telling someone they need an editor does not constitute volunteering, nor should she feel bad for telling the author they need one. It's a valid criticism, so why are you getting defensive about it? The description is there to entice readers. If it sucks, the author won't get people reading it. She simply suggested they fix it.

5213911 I'm sorry I just hate to see people criticize others work when they haven't read it yet. That just makes you look like *enter bad word here*. Its not that I see you like that but others will. Its like someone saying hey I hate bacon even though I never had it.

5213925 Um no I don't need someone to tell me this story needs an editor before I read it. Its my life and if I wanna read it so what?

You still misreading the original comment. She didn't tell you it needs an editor. She suggested the author finds one. Why are you taking a comment not directed at you so personally?

5213930 Um, the analogy is valid, but that still makes me think you're high on something when you typed that. As Kami said, I merely dropped a valid criticism and this story is technically on public display. :ajbemused:

Oh, and I've a habit of judging a story by title, the cover art (if any), the summary blurb, the word count, and the character/genre tags. With those things, I can deduce what I'll get myself into without even reading the chapters themselves (most of the time, since chapters can present twists even I didn't expect on frightfully rare occasion.)

5213952 Its just wrong to do it. I mean how would you feel if someone did that to you? I bet it nag at you a little bit.

5213946 like I said before

'm sorry I just hate to see people criticize others work when they haven't read it yet

Its doesnt feel right to me for someone to do that.

5213967 That's happened to me before. What did I do? I took it like a badge of honor. And besides, I'm part of a wolf pack of critics. This isn't your story, yet you defend it as such.

I suspect that if you wrote a story, someone is bound to drop by and point out things from simple word errors to unmended plot holes--it's guaranteed, to be honest.

In fact, I smile as I get criticized. It shows me what I can do to improve, where I had gone wrong, and is basically there to tell me, "Hey, Draggy, you ain't perfect." :raritywink:

I started an arguement , what have I done?


Me + random tag = A lot of memes

Remember that

5217269 You didn't start an argument; you merely need some help with your story. :raritywink:

5321005 I know right, eney help would be kindly appreciated

I have an idea how to change that part of LAZOR part, it involves cutting and a microphone

and the title does say what they are, this fort of changelings are outcasts

5321994 I'd say hit up Looking for Editors. There's lots of help there.

5213617 rough estimate 13,794 why?

6305482 Honestly, that took forever to reply to. How've you been lately?

6305562 how many stlries on fim have you read?

6305595 I have 6k faved; and that's going by what's exclusively in my library.

6305630 I know I've read plenty more (by how much, I lost count), since I reviewed some stuff in the past.

6305660 biggest peeve on the scite?

6305664 I have a few, but I don't feel like sharing them right yet.

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