Fredrick falls into Equestria and he is allowed to stay in the castle for his troubles. There, he meets and quickly befriends Princess Luna, and their quickly evolving relationship allows them to explore the 'benefits' of being close, best friends.
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Well, there is going to be an extremely awkward conversation in the future. For at least one of them will suffer.
Always with the cliffhangers huh? Really enjoyed the chapter. Looking forward to seeing how the conversation with Celestia goes!
I can hear the broom sweeping away the eggshells. Well, now that most of them have been stepped on anyway.
Now, flammen, I have a question: why in the world do you keep flaunting Celestia's and Luna's titles and feats all the damn time when they're interacting with Fred? Seems like you're trying HARD to constantly remind us readers of how sheerly inferior he is to either of them. Especially Luna. It's getting uncomfortable to read that shit.
6234624 Hmmm? I know I remind every now and then to show that there IS STILL a protocol in place, though I don't recall explicitly stating it here. If it's as bad as you say it needs to be corrected, where in particular?
EDIT: I SEE IT. Okay it's that one repeat, for a second I was scared that it was rampant throughout this chapter, unless I'm seeing something. That was just for added effect for situational irony, but, fair enough. It would probably be wise to reword... actually, to remove that entirely.
Ooh, are we making a royal herd?
Well. Fred's just straight up fucked now from that kind of prank.
Also, slight error I noticed:
I don't know about left harms, but left ARMS...
6234678 Yes that is definitely a typo. Fixed and thank you
...they would have to navigate a lush, dense forest of awkwardness… a forest filled with ‘why do you have a fucktoy oddly reminiscent of my dick?’ flora and ‘this probably is gonna change some form of dynamic between us, goddammit,’ fauna.
The best line in this entire chapter; I was busting a gut laughing for almost a half-hour. Well-done Flammenwerfer: bravo.
Awesome chapter.
Comment will be editted from time to time. Check it regularly.
3rd paragraph. Add she or Luna.
4th Paragraph. Add comma between expression and though.
8th paragraph. add comma between picture and yes.
Change him to her.
6234878 Goddamn I'm getting slow. Thank you
6234891
Be sure to check my comment regarding errors regularly, as I will be adding more to that comment as I read, okay?.
well then...this happened
stayclassy
I sweat that last line... Spine Ectomomy... sounds like running man to me.
6234891
I believe I got the errors pointed out. Be sure to check my comment regarding them.
Why do I had the feeling Celestia is not so much prankiing him as making him her accomplish when pranking Luna?
I mean Luna and Celly can easily bounce back with very bad pranks no problem…Frederick not, besides he didn't exactly do much of a pranking Celly and more of just following orders, I can imagine the 3 having this weird bounding (and if the answer is yes, erotic) moments each time they prank like Pinkie and Dash, when they go into a pranking spread, they leave the small innocent pranks for Frederick and leave the big guns for each other.
yeah a big happy pranking family what I mean is Luna and Celly can be China and America war in world War 2 and Frederick can be Suede neutral to both
This.
this right here
is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I couldn't breathe for a good 10 mins from laughing so hard.
Shir talos los daar joor los sahlag ol dovah fund kos durning fuhilpiin visk Sahlag joor.
6234636 Thanks for that, dude. Not bringing the "social/skill superiority" aspect up makes the reader identify with a character better for their personality.
Fucking.Adore.Stella
6235401 And she adores you too! She'd probably call you a cunt though, no promises.
Made me think of this.
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
I am SO glad I waited and read 14, 15, and 16 right in a row. It would have been frustrating if I read them as they were published. I would have said something along the lines of, "What happens next Damnit!?"
Fredrick: Celestia may or may not has a thing for me, even though me and Luna has a thing. Also I'm going to be a partial victim in their prank war.
Stella: Why?
Fredrick: She got a human dick as a toy.
Stella: ....You're bone on both parts.
I love this story!
ok after reading the author note at the start of this chapter I am going to run twin screens for this chapter so I can make comments on the fly wile reading.
warning treat this hole post as a spoiler.
it looks as if Fredrick is really deep in thought over the joke played on celestia is there more behind this? after all Equestria does have herds?
Luna just confirmed her little ops in giving away how the human dildo was made.
ok before I read father celestia defiantly has a thing for Fredrick but how will Luna and Fredrick handle this. I say lets go with the herd but that is just me.
[The Following Morning]
“I’m not confirming nor denying anything… I no this is a bit much and no offence to Flammenwerfer but I have caught so many people in lies this way in real life for havens sack celestia just tell Fredrick you want to jump his bone. my opinion stays the same I see a herd forming. this is totally normal in Equestria
well ok this chapter is really good in several way's Luna and Fredrick and really getting close but this little snafu with Celestia may be a problem or it may help things only time will tell.
there is one think to thing about Luna is a princess herding is the norm what kind of example is she setting keeping a stallion to her self??
there is so much to think about.
now I am at a empathy how do I post this? as I do not want to piss off Flammenwerfer, and possibly give away spoilers,
I am trying to get the readers to think about what is really going on in the story. now I am basing my comments about herding on several different story's that all state the same thing mare out way stallions 5 too 1 so herding is needed to keep the race as a hole alive. so as a princess Luna is held to a much higher slandered and must show and set the way for every pony. that being Sade at some point she is going to have to share or lone out Fredrick as a stallion.
now a normally really frown on people posting story's in comments but I am all most forced to do so here as I do know of a story sears the really gives a exeunt description of herding. I will post a link to the first story I think the meet or description I am talking about is in story 2 but you need to start at the begging to understand the bases. after that I will just stop as even I am know am rambling. so have a good day all.
Waking up in Equestria
Harts Fire
6235244 He's just a human. Don't blame him.
Wow, i just can't imagen how completly and utterly embarresed Celestia must have been at that moment, and how Mighty akward it will be for all Three of them once they all sit down and talk about certain things.
My response:
"Yes I do have a response, why only the one piece? Why not a two piece, much better looking you know."
6238179 Haha in most cases, yes, though this was more of a tribute to the original cover art.
Regardless, I still believe that the one-piece leotard-like swimsuit is highly underrated.
6238240 I would have done that just so she would be embarrassed cause I would have said more but too inappropriate to mention out loud
6237556 Vrah nunon mun aazrii rok lost ni zuk. Atleast he's not an argonian like some dragonborn.
Well, this was fun. Great thing to come back to.
Freddy... Freddy Freddy Freddy... you are F-U-C-K-E-D FUCKED!!!
Shoulda listened to Celestia's advice...
Hmm, I had a hunch the story would tread in this territory. Now to see if it goes all the way or not.
6235456
But it's the nice thought that counts, right? At least she's not the physical type to add a *punch* to the shoulder in friendly greeting, nearly dislocating something.
As for all the upcoming awkwardness and drama landmine laden dialog to be had soon, if we recall that Celestia is often shown to be playful and aloof one moment, than motherly and wiping the dirt off your face the next, I confidently believe that it'll turn out ok in the end. He'll just have to put up with the occasional surprise boobhatting, butt pinching in passing, and maybe an "accidental" flashing of the royal goodies now and again... which has been going on already so it's business as usual in Canterlot Castle, eh? Heh.
If Celestia's ever cornered with pictures as proof, she'll deny it all and blame changelings for besmirching her perfectly pristine princess image. (Uhm. Yeah! It must have been Chrysalis slutting it up, that's it! That's the ticket.)
6246506 That's definitely one way things can play out. I agree though, with what's portrayed here, it definitely doesn't seem like there will be some great schism. Hell, Luna believed Fred was overreacting at some point.
Another good chapter, but I am afraid I was not slept near as much as I need to and was too tired to actually spot anything in need of correcting.
However, I am curious as to why you needed to change the picture. It seemed fine to me, or did Skipsy ask you to remove it?
In all honesty, I'm hoping it ends up as a kind of herd dynamic, but I won't be bothered if that isn't the case.
6847567 I hope not; this is not what I'm here for.
ch 16
Missed opportunity by Fred, "Jeez Lulu, that colour is shit awful on you!"
WHACK!
th05.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/264/5/0/lunabuns_by_skipsypony-d6nangr.jpg
...and now for a walk in the Black Forest.
She's kinda okay with that massive teardown of privacy they engaged in?
If it were just Luna, I'd get it. But this guy?
Maybe I don't understand the dynamic, or maybe I'm just different, but I would be saying something like "And, if nothing else... I just want you to know that I couldn't possibly find the words to apologise for that massive invasion of your privacy."
I don't know, maybe thousands of years kinda mellow you out in respect to your own body... maybe she's okay with it being him, perhaps. Personally though, I would feel like stirred shit. That bit wasn't in the plan, and that sort of thing for me would've been... heavy, to say the least.
If I were in Celestia's place, to say that I would be upset would be the understatement of the century.