A Day Off?

Spike has been going on a lot of adventures in the past years with his friend Twilight. So today, he decides to chill out and take a break, and is accompanied by Twilight herself. On that break, they go on an adventure. An adventure of laziness. One that'll have an unexpected reward at the end.

Thanks to Abstract Thought for the description.

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Comments ( 11 )

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The Delirium

The Delirium #1 · Aug 16th, 2014 · · ·

Nice Story. I like the ending.
Plus, Spike's getting respect. That's rare.

pendrake72

pendrake72 #2 · Aug 16th, 2014 · · ·

@Derpyditzydoobubbles...

1. I give this fan-fiction a positive-sided "Not Bad" for a reading . It definitely falls under the Slice of Life story-tag, and fulfills its theme.

2. One minor bit that could be refined better is Applejack's speech (did not sound like her).

3. Another minor bit for revision &/or refinement would be the ending. Flooding in Canterlot does not really sound like a job for the Elements of Harmony, much less for Princess Celestia to be personally (& physically) crashing the Lazy Party. For me at least, it was too much of a non-sequitur which throws off the ending rather than being humorous.

Derpyditzydoobubbles

Derpyditzydoobubbles #3 · Aug 16th, 2014 · · ·

4860779 thanks, man! and yep, kinda unfortunate for him. He has a good personality and potential like all the other characters.

Derpyditzydoobubbles

Derpyditzydoobubbles #4 · Aug 16th, 2014 · · ·

4860791 1. Thanks man. And shoot, forgot to add the tag. Sorry about that. It's fixed now.

2. Yeah, I need to work more on there speech. Sorry about that.

3. I agree, though she needed all the help she could get. Sure she could use her own magic, but she would need help with cleaning and what not. (Should of explained that more. Again, sorry about that.) and I was aiming for it to be an "unexpected disappointment" that there relaxation would have to come to an end.

Hope none of this offends you, btw.

TurboTheGameGuy

TurboTheGameGuy #5 · Aug 17th, 2014 · · ·

That ending was epic

pendrake72

pendrake72 #6 · Aug 18th, 2014 · · ·

4860836

4. Do not know why I would be offended, you did not say anything towards such .

5. For Applejack's speech, it is mostly just lightly sprinkling a bit of "Ah'm" (I'm) &/or "Y'all" (you all), and perhaps a "sugarcube" &/or "pardner". The trick is to be very light on using her country accent, not to shove it down the readers' throats with every word. If you listen to Applejack's speech patterns on the show, she actually uses very little country accent/wording.

6. As for endings, I would have revised to either an actual emergency that would be on the scale of calling upon the Element Bearers (example: hordes of minor demons escaping Tartarus, or a stampede of mythic monsters from the Everfree Forest, etc.); or, for something humorous, Princess Celestia arrives (not crashing through) to do some non-emergency work with Twilight Sparkle, and winds up joining the Lazy Party.

Derpyditzydoobubbles