Silver Spoon and Scootaloo could never get along. A class project forces them to.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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It's nice to wake up and find an update of an amazing story.
My favorite CMC character and redemption bully? Sign me up!
4485582 that it is
D**N Rainbow! Stealing the spotlight ( unintentionaly but still)!
Oh good, now Scoots can finally have some real girl-talk
4485824
Hah, if Scootaloo wanted girl-talk, she should've gone to see Rarity.
RD is all about being awesome, and not at all about discussing possible feelings for other mares. She's definitely not like Scoots' big sister or anything like that. There's no way the next chapter will be almost entirely made up of their heart-to-heart.
No way at all.
This chapter was just delightful in many, many different ways
It's weird, I got on, and decided I was finally gonna finish one of the completed stories in my story list.
Then I saw my favourite story had updated.
Only one thing to do at that point.
You make me fee bad; updating so fast. I left my readers hanging for way too long over the school year.
4485890 Of you tease; you take my OTP, my favourite CMC, and my favourite situation; evil-turned-good, and mix it all together as the sequel to an equally amazing story?
I don't think I can make a face to express my gratitude.
Also you're an amazing writer
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Unless, of course, you meant talking *about* girls, in which case Rainbow Dash is all over that.
With the title of this chapter I thought bad things were going to happen. I am happy to have been proven wrong.
I actually feel for Silver here, because I'm the same way with math- basic math I can easily do in my head, but when you start throwing letters in with the numbers, I start getting lost. Anything past basic algebra is a no-fly zone for my brain.
Good to see you knocking out some chapters.
From a critical stand-point, I'm not sure how I feel about Scoots being so good at all school subjects, it just seems a little strange for the tomboy character type. Not bad, just strange.
However, I do like the dynamic and growth between her and Silver.
I do worry you're painting Silver's father as a bad-guy. There's a fine-line between tough-love and abuse. You can love someone and yet be neglecting. You can love someone and be hard on them. Once you cross the line into verbal abuse, it's not really love anymore, it's control.
Anyhoof, keep writing. I love good Silver fics.
Anther chapter so soon!? YAY! Anyway, fanfreak out out of the way, I really loved this chapter. Not only was the dialog a character interaction top notch, but it hit on some topics that were close to home for me. Seeing Silver Spoon degrade herself is very relatable. And Scoot's comforting words of encouragement really touched my heart. I'd like to know a bit more on what's going on in DT's head, but, meh, story isn't about her!
I continue to love this fic and I really look forward to seeing what convo pops up with Dash and Scoots as well as Spoon and Scoot's parents.
I look forward to Silver Spoon just ditching Diamond Tiara and buddying up with the Crusaders. It can't be that far off.
4486818
Two excellent points, actually. For Scootaloo, she isn't that good at everything, she's just a little above average. Silver Spoon just has no metric for that, because she's not good at any of it. The chief reason for that is simply that she doesn't have enough help, or a proper support system. The basic pattern is thus: Silver Spoon has been doing fine for a while. She's not brilliant, but she's keeping up. Then she starts to fall behind in math because it's just not really her forte, and Di tells her not to worry about getting extra help, because she'll tutor her. Sounds good, but DT's not the best teacher, so Spoon just falls further behind. Struggling to keep up in math, she neglects her other studies and starts to slip behind in them as well. The effect snowballs until she's too far behind to catch up on her own.
Scootaloo, on the other hand, does very well in math, because she loves it, and the other subjects she has extra help in, because both of her parents are eager and available. She's getting all A's, yes, but that's not so surprising. She's not a genius, just successful. To Silver Spoon, though, for whom all of this may as well be written in a foreign language, Scootaloo seems brilliant.
Initially, I had actually planned to follow the standard tomboy trope of having her be underachieving and lazy, because that's the standard character trait for boyish girls, but that didn't really seem to fit Scootaloo's character very well. She tried 40 times to fly after being told she couldn't, but somehow she's going to be content to be below average in school? I don't buy it.
For Silversmith, he's less a bad guy and more just...unfit to do the job he's been stuck with. He's not a good parent. He doesn't like foals, and he hates having to sacrifice time out of his busy schedule to care for one. He resents Silver Spoon for her very existence, for several reasons, some of which I'll explore later.
I try very hard not to write one-dimensional characters with flimsy motivations. Rest assured there's always a reason my characters are doing what they do.
This chapter is pure gold, something about it makes it just....... Basically it has a kind of unexplainable, magnetism?......close enough. But anyways, very well written espesialy the crying scene, the homework montage.....huh..ill be damned...I can't think of a single paragraph in this chapter that I would level any kind of REASONABLE criticism towards...congrats buddy welcome to the club for immersive writers, we've been eagerly expecting you.
4486818 wooaah there! Hello, long time no see kemosabe, nice to see this fic getting attention from a popular author, because we all know one thing about this fic ( insert stereotypical doge meme).
Oh, and hi manes!
4487446
Fair enough points. Perspective is often a very powerful thing.
For Scoots, sure, she's a determined kid. Lot of heart. I certainly would say it's good you didn't paint her as the academic screw-up. Though in hind-sight, perhaps she should have had a subject she's terrible at? Maybe she picked up Rainbow's disdain of history? Or she's so good at logic and problem solving that art classes give her problems. We see how bad she failed at creating a song in Show Stoppers. She can be intelligent, but not very creative.
As for Silversmith, I dunno, I could picture him being neglectful and detached, but resentful? Mmm... I humbly suggest rethinking that aspect of him. You can be a bad father and still love your child. I've known some parents that love their kids but are so wrapped up in their own lives, they just have no idea how to raise the kid or even show affection.
But, it is your story. I'm just offering a perspective to consider. It might make Mr. Smith a more sympathetic character in the end.
4487516
Ello. Yes, good Silver fics are hard to find. Trust me, I've scoured this site for them.
4487531
I'll definitely give your suggestion on scoot some thought. You raise a good point, and it'll help give her some depth.
As for Smith, that's literally the problem. Once upon a time, he loved his daughters very much, but things have happened since that have ruined that. He's a tragic case, but don't expect him to become sympathetic. Some people (and ponies) are genuinely bad, and Silversmith, partly through circumstances beyond his control, has gone down that path with no intent to come back.
My highlight of the day? Reading this. It made my day feel like it was getting better.
Yet again, this has made my day.
I'm reading this, and it's not a clop-fic to me, it's an adult novel. I get knocked on for looking at fan fiction as an art or a craft, especially by my friend who think's it's unoriginal and because George RR Martin said it was stupid.
But when this stuff is done well, it's an art form.
This is a really nice story and if you took out the ponies, cause you'd probably get slapped by copyrights, and replaced them with your own characters then you could take this to a publisher and get yourself a book deal.
My point is that you're a really good writer and you have done a wondrous job crafting the lore in your favor.
4485890
4486223
Good.
4489905
Martin was merely being a whining cry baby because somebody started making money off his works. While yes i frown heavily upon pirating, he needs to seriously pull his head out of his ass and quit acting as if he's god gift to modern literature. Game Of Thrones is popular now, but give it another 2 years and much like many of the other book spawned TV shows, it will die down again. Then the only true mentioning of Game of Thrones will be in the FanFictions.
This story is absolutely lovely. While I read No Longer Lost and found it enjoyable enough, I think you've really hit on something here. The characterization is crystal-clear and relatable, even as you're doing things with Scoots and (especially) Silver Spoon that are overall quite unique, and characters like Cheerilee and Octavia and others fit into their roles very naturally. The characters and world feel very lived-in. Even though you don't spend a ton of time with, say, the other Crusaders, you feel their personalities coming through and a sense of history in relationships that's authentic, not just ponies as plot elements or static archetypes (With the possible exception of DT, who we've mainly seen in terms of the ugly, needy exterior and not much of the reason behind it. Given your aptitude for shading greys and showing that the Crusaders are not exactly the heroes they may think they are, I look forward to seeing some more depth there.)
And most of all, I love the pacing. Things are slow, languid even, and that's gives everything time to breathe and take on life, not rushing to a preordained conclusion. (This is perhaps the best improvement from No Longer Lost, which suffers a bit from its rapidity and inclusion of so many of the Mane 6) And that's so much to the benefit, because instead of just... okay, when do we get to the Scoots/Spoon, there are all these characters and relationships that I care about now, like Scoots and her moms, and Silver and Carillon/Intricacy. Things that in other hands would be filler, but take on a vibrancy here. It would be so easy to have the slumber party scene, for instance, to rush into a dramatic boilover but you play it cool and take believable, realistic incremental steps that speak to the characters and if anything heighten the impact.
I'll stop raving now. I'm really really enjoying it, basically, and look forward to reading more from you.
Cap.
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Ah
[thick phonetic I. Get's capped and treated as you would I.]
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It's sad that Silversmith isn't going to come back from the path he's ended up on. He's going to really miss out on a young mare grow into a wonderful mare (with the help of new friends), and he's going to be too blind to see it.
Gosh, but Silver Spoon is uncomfortably relatable in this fic.
I suppose it's a great strength of your story that you can craft characters that can resonate so strongly. Each one feels like they have some depth to them, even the more negative ones, like Silversmith and Diamond Tiara. I really like the way you do dialogue as well, all the vocabulary and such fits, which can be tough to pull off with teenagers.
To many to list. But in Apple Bloom's dialogs her I's need to be Ah's (dialect consistency).
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Cap.
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Cap.
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6231883
Yeah KiroTalon has some major skills as an author. I'm really glad KT came back to writing, fimfiction.net wasn't nearly as awesome when KT left.
Loving the story so far, awesome work.
Uh, didn't Dash grow up in Cloudsdale?
8893496
She left young. If fanon is to believed (since canon is quite on the subject), she came around the same time that FlutterButters moved to Ponyville to be a full time druid XD. Or shortly after Flutters' discovered her Cutie Mark Destiny.
So that's a rather substantial chunk of her life there. So technically she did grow up in Ponyville, or at the very least a good chunk of her early teenage years which we see in canon is usually around the time that fillies and colts move out and live on their own. Or somewhere around the CMC age is when they can own businesses, and adults don't bat an eye if they are by themselves.
.........making an anthology of Diamond Tiara getting abused in every way the comment section can come up with (Like seriously, i won't tell them to hold back, if i haven't covered a chapter with suicide, a pony holocaust, or some....forced deeds of a questionable nature, then i'll do it. My moral compass hasn't exactly been calibrated correctly ever since i started study the past millennium of American History in excruciating detail, still am, it's really eye opening to the depressing part of human nature. Which means all of it.).
.....
.....am i reading too far in between the lines here? or am i right to assume that there's.....somthing? happening between those two?