Forgiveness
A week. That’s how long it had been since Twilight had defeated Tirek, and that’s equally how long it had taken Pinkie Pie to plan a Twilight-lost-her-house-and-gained-a-castle-and-now-she’s-a-proper-princess-and-so-are-her-friends party, or as everypony else called it, Twilight’s Housewarming Party. It seemed like everypony was to be there, even some she didn't know; everypony except one, that is.
Discord sat atop a tree some ways away, watching the party intently, his forepaws around his eyes as if they were binoculars, which – considering his shape-shifting abilities – they actually were. He had been invited of course, but he didn't feel like he deserved to go, not that he would admit it out loud. For one thing, he still had a lot of enemies – not exactly a surprising turn of events, he had after all gone with Tirek on his reign of terror. But that wasn't the reason for his reluctance, he had long since learnt not to take hatred to heart. No, it was the fact he had betrayed his only friends, and for what – a useless trinket?
Okay, so it wasn't exactly useless; to be fair, that gift he’d received had been the final key needed to unlock the box and release the Rainbow of Light. But the point still remained, he’d betrayed his best – and only – friends, and despite the fact they’d all forgiven him (some a little more reluctantly than others) Discord had yet to forgive himself.
“Alone again, Discord?” To the Draconequus’ surprise, Luna was suddenly at his side, her mane and tail glistening like a million tiny stars upon the background of a dark nights’ sky – such was her name. The natural-born Alicorn was quietly observing Discord as she sat upon the tree beside him, an unreadable expression on her face. For a time, neither of them spoke, before Discord finally broke the silence.
“What are you doing here, Luna?” Discord asked, a tinge of curiosity in his voice. “I thought you’d be partying with Sparkle-Butt, Solar-Flank, and Love-Tush.” Naturally, he was referring to the other princesses – Twilight, Celestia, and Cadence. For some reason he had never given Luna a nickname. Luna simply shrugged.
“Partying is not what thou would call ‘my thing’.” Luna stated after another silence. “I should be asking thou the same thing, Discord. Is this not your area of expertise?”
“Well, I wouldn't say expert.” Discord grinned, looking smug. “But I suppose you’re right. Laughter is, after all, my personal favorite Element.”
“If that is true, why has thou not chosen to join the others?” Luna queried lightly. “Is this tree really more fun than a party?”
“Why not?” Discord chuckled. “Who wants to deal with boring old ponies anyway? I’d rather have my own fun.” Clicking his paw, he conjured up a cotton candy cloud above the princess’ head, complete with chocolate milk rain, but just as quickly, Luna had conjured up a barrier. “Oh you’re no fun.” He pouted lightly.
“I never said I was.” Luna countered. “Nor did I say I was your personal toy.” She added pointedly. Discord simply rolled his eyes. “Now, thou cannot tell me that having an entire room filled with ponies one can mess with is a lot less fun than sitting alone, just watching them.” She spoke casually, but Discord saw through her innocence immediately; Luna was trying to console him.
“And how would you know what I think?” Discord raised a thick, bushy brow, staring in boredom at his talon as he began to float off the tree. “You may be able to see my dreams, dear Luna, but I doubt you understand my thoughts.” He paused to chuckle. “It would take a rather chaotic mind to understand them.”
“Oh?” Luna responded. “I would not say ‘chaotic’, rather misunderstood. I believe I may have a little more insight than thou seems to realize.” For a time, Discord only frowned in confusion, before he remembered the Nightmare Moon saga and nodded thoughtfully. If anyone knew what it was like to be trapped- But wait, she was frozen in that entire time she was trapped.
“I think you and I have very different ideas on this topic.” Discord pointed out in a bored fashion, but he could tell Luna saw through his demeanor. “After all, you are loved by everypony.” If it was anyone else, Discord wouldn’t have been so blunt, but he knew Luna understood him better than most, and wouldn't take his words the wrong way.
“Oh?” Luna replied. “Is thou so different? Or has thou forgotten that I have also had my fair share of trials? Remember that the night does not shine as brightly as the day, Discord.” Despite the fact the lunar princess was no longer speaking figuratively, Discord couldn't seem to understand her. What did Nightmare Moon have in common with what he went through? Seeming to realize the Draconequus’ dilemma, Luna explained. “Thou does not think that I have asked for forgiveness?”
“Oh contraire, Luna.” Discord crossed his arms with a short bark of laughter. “You are a princess, everypony forgave you in an instant. I still have a lot of enemies myself.”
“I was not talking about everypony, Discord.” Luna responded simply. “I did a lot of harm to Equestria, and that is not something one can forgive so easily.” Discord looked at the princess of the night in surprise; he never thought that she would've had the same problems forgiving herself, but in hindsight it seemed very obvious. And that’s when he finally understood what the feeling was; guilt. He had never felt guilty before, and now that he knew what the feeling was it only appeared to worsen. “This feeling does not leave one’s thoughts easily, but with time anything could happen.” And with that she disappeared in a brief flash of light, leaving Discord on his own.
“I’m not having guilt issues.” Discord spoke to nopony. He supposed he was only saying it to make himself feel better. A slight smile crossed his face; he wouldn't admit it, but he always did like talking to Luna – she was one of the few ponies that could keep up with his witty banter. A small chuckle erupted from his lips, and then another, and before he knew it he was in fits of laughter. “Oh Luna.” Discord smiled to the empty air. “You really have a way with words. I can see why laughter is your element.” He didn't know why, but talking with the mare always had a positive effect on him.
“What am I doing out here on my own?” Discord spoke suddenly. “I should be at that party already. I’m sure my dear, sweet Fluttershy will be missing me.” With a click of his paw, Discord disappeared, leaving behind only a lingering sound of laughter.
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- -_MistWolf_- · 1.7k words · 16 0 · 1k views
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You reached out for help, so I'll do my best to help you here.
My first impression of the story is this: the story is great, but it has the wrong tag. I would classify this as a slice of life piece, especially because the themes that could have classified the story as sad were left unexplored. Your description could also use some work. It's vague, uninteresting, and is in the wrong order. Generally, people don't really care about the author, and they want to get to the meat of the story as fast as possible. Considering this, you should switch the order of your paragraphs. The people that don't care can stop reading once they get to your message, and those that do would have ended up reading the rest of the description anyway. Also, I would recommend taking out the note at the bottom. The absence of a romance tag should clue your readers in to a lack of romance. (However, because people are lazy, there are a ton of improperly tagged stories. So there is definitely some merit to writing a note like this.)
Now, onto the story itself! The biggest issue with this story is something that I encounter a lot: confusing wording and/or writing too much into a sentence. Let's take a look at this sentence: "To the Draconequus’ surprise, Luna was suddenly at his side, her mane and tail glistening like a million tiny stars upon the background of a dark nights’ sky – such was her name." The problem with a sentence like this is structural. The reader is led down a descriptive path that seems irrelevant, and then it connects to something earlier in the sentence. This is jarring and confusing to the reader, which is something that you want to avoid at all costs. Also, the idea that you based your entire fanfiction upon is not explored in enough detail to really do it justice. There's so much potential here that is just wasted. The last main issue of this fic is the pacing, which is too slow. There is too much irrelevant detail, and the paragraphs and sentences are generally too long, which is bad for both pacing and general readability. This issue is amplified by the sentence structure, which caused confusion for me as a reader.
However, this story isn't all problems. I felt that the characterization of Luna was pretty spot on. Although the idea wasn't explored as fully as it could have been, it still feels like something that discord would have to deal with after the events of the finale.
P.S. Are you sure you're new to this? most of the issues with this fic are related to polish, and you have the basics of writing down pat.
P.P.S. Sorry if this comment came off as a bit hostile at points, the comment was deleted sentences from completion, and I had to re-write everything. As you can imagine, it made me a little bit pissed.
4686778 (Idk if I clicked the right button, but I tried)
Thank you for correcting me about the tags. I wasn't exactly sure about that one, but I that knew that "sad" wasn't right.
As for my description - I haven't made one in years, so I'm really out of practice there.
Is this update better? If you have any better suggestions, I'm all ears. 
As for the writing itself - I'm well aware I just go on and on (I do it aloud too) and it's one thing I do that I've never been able to help (it's a long story - no pun intended, lol)
I have been getting better at it, but as you can see, it needs practice (Doesn't help that my thoughts are pretty scattered too 
)
I'll keep that in mind for my next story, but with this one I think I'll keep it as it is... Mostly because I'm lazy and partly because it'll go under the 1000 word minimum if I change it.
I find that ironic that I was so good at Luna, considering I've only ever seen one episode with her in it, and I had no idea if I was even close.
But I really am glad I managed to get her so spot on. 
The fandom, and trying to post on this site - yes. Writing itself - for my age, yes. Storytelling - not on your life.
Oh I hate that a lot!
But it's okay, I didn't really notice too much. 
As you can tell, I'm not exactly good at explaining things, and I can be confusing.
But thank you so much for taking the time to explain, and I'll keep that in mind for my next story. 
This is really nice! Ever since the finale, I've been reading stuff like this and I have to disagree with I HV NO FEAR in that it was funny and, while a bit fast, is overall a great story.
4687517 Thank you so much.
I'm really glad you liked my story.
4688586 I'm glad I commented!
Well, I´ll go first with the bad parts and then the good ones, alright? Alright. It´s not like you can answer
One of the main problems with this fanfic are the description at some points. I mean, it is so obvious and unnecessary! Unless you are fully convinced that you are having and absolute original idea, don´t describe it as though we don´t know it. The other problem is the length. I saw much more potential in this story and it is a pity it lasted so little. Bedsides, the ending felt a little rushed.
Now, the good points:
Generally speaking, the fanfic is really good. Hardly any spelling mistakes, good structure, great characterization of the protagonists, interesting reasoning... Not bad at all. I just wished it had been longer. I feel that the best one shots are those with at least 3000 words or such. But nice job!
By the way; I´ve found a picture which immediately reminded me of your story: http://unorthodoxsocks.deviantart.com/art/Games-no-Fun-468614952
4710208 That picture is so my story, lol...
4707903 I have been told I tend to describe a lot more than I should
so I'll keep an eye on that. I'm used to writing stories for my OCs, so I generally do describe everything - but thanks for the heads up. 
Next time, I'll be sure to explain only the essentials. (Or at least try 
)
If I ever do redo it again, I'll remember to lengthen it, but as far as I know, that's the finished version. 
I've never been a good person for endings, 
so I know where you're coming from. Most of my work is - reluctantly - pretty lacking in the ending department, but I have been trying to improve. 
)
As for the length - I'm actually happily surprised that people are saying there should be more.
Ah yes, the endings. I must admit, that's where I really fall short.
What did I spell wrong? Tell me and I'll fix it. (I'm from another country so typing in American spelling is difficult for me)
As for the characters - I'm honestly surprised I managed Luna. I've never really had anything to go by on her, so I'm really happy she came out canonical.
Finally, the reasoning - I just love getting in characters' heads to decipher their meaning behind their actions. (Believe me when I say I could go into detail for hours about characters
Lastly - thank you so much for reading my story, and I'm glad you enjoyed it
4712786 I am the least indicated person to tell you which mistakes there are, since English is not my native language, but I think I´ve seen one somewhere the beginning, but I am not sure. And by the way; it is always a pleasure!
4714025 Oh, think you could tell me what it is? ... Also, I'm kind of curious. What is your native language?
4744524 Spanish, but not the one from your neighbors from the south.
4745087 I'm not actually from America (hence why my spelling may be a little off) so you wouldn't be my neighbor down south... Unless you lived in Antarctica.
Fides Ipsum.
4757339 Perhaps I live in Antartica
Oh, wait, I already said Spanish. Damn it.
4760597 Spanish Antarctican?
4761524 Em... maybe?
Harm she made the night last a little longer than usual. She would have done it forever but she was banished before she could. She became a boogeyman to most ponies.