Oh boy, seriously, this story...I knew it was gunna hit some heart strings, but Twilight? ...not gunna lie, she's gunna need some MAJOR character development over the next few chapters for me to do anything but want her in traction for how she's handling this. Yeah, i get the logic behind it, but from where she is I can only say she has to EARN her place at Spike's side, not have him come back to her. That's the ONLY thing I'd say if fair. She fucked up badly, and therefore she should be the one to make amends. Granted I also know the others will have a spotlight in this story, "getting" with Spike or not. But still, Twilight is gunna need to step up before I'll ever accept her as Spike's choice.
On an unrelated note, DAMN YOU FOR DOING THIS TO FLUTTERS!!!! Ok, now that that's out of my system, she's generally the pony I tend to want bad things to happen to least. Having said that, seeing her so happy with Spike...dude, this just hit my heart so hard I'm pretty sure the bruises have bruises. Anyway, well done writing and I can't wait to read more. Just bare in mind, I've got my eye on this one, and while rooting for Spike's happiness, I'm NOT rooting for Twilight...rather, I'm expecting of her, and can and will be disappointed if she doesn't step up.
Part 2 of my review, as I hit the post button too early and messed up some spelling...and the edit function is on eternal load.
Anyway, I saw about the multiple endings...this pleases me. And yeah, I know, my high horse, pun intended. But I just have to say this fic and all the subtleties you've shown so far keeps me from seeing the end as it's painful enough to read, let alone MY imagination trying to follow though on the idea. Still, I'm very much looking forward to that, and likely my first one looking into is the Flutter/Spike ending, as honestly? I've fallen so hard for these two, and it's just breaking my heart here at the end.
I'll still read the rest, might even come to like a few other pairings as well. But in the end, I KNOW for sure one has a place in my heart, and it's this one here.
Yeah, i get the logic behind it, but from where she is I can only say she has to EARN her place at Spike's side, not have him come back to her. That's the ONLY thing I'd say if fair. She fucked up badly, and therefore she should be the one to make amends.
I get this strange sense that this will be the crux of Twilight's role in her tale, making those amends. Working towards that while the other arcs are happening will be either heartbreaking, heartwarming, hilarious, and/or hot... probably all of the above.
I'm....kinda morbidly curious as to how our Author here is going to pull this off. I mean, most dating sims/visual novel type stories focus on one pairing/role/set-up and let the rest of the events of a narrative play out with that pairing as a focus.
This tale involves six mini-romances with each one providing a possible influence on the others... (Twilight -> Fluttershy -> next...)
I mean... There's bound to be baggage here! Possibly more than can be carried in a jumbo jet.
another awesome chapter for me, i'm looking forward to spike getting with RD, Aj and rarity most. i'd love to see a romance between RD and an aged up Scootaloo :)
4981994 Editing function bug, you can stil cpoy everything before you press editing and afterwards paste it in. Thats how i do it when it's messing around with me:D
Twilight beeing like: Don't want you around because I want to gain a perfect Virgin image like Celestia has. And the whole Crystal empire knows hat her brother does with her foalsitter
...so much I could say to that, but honestly? Twilight was a basket case in my opinion from square one, with Spike being one of the ONLY moderating influences on her life. Considering it was him that was changing things and that she basically forced his claw into leaving...yeah, she deserves FAR MORE flack then she's gotten, especially if her attitude in this chapter has been typical.
And just to rub salt in the wound, get Celestia involved and have her express how bad she fucked up. If ANYTHING will get Twilight on the straight and narrow again, it's that. And by "straight and narrow", I mean doing the RIGHT thing for the RIGHT reasons, and not making shit difficult for everyone involved.
4982654 Yes, Twilight is merely a empty basket right now, this basket i mentioned before: Don't want you around because I want to gain a perfect Virgin image like Celestia has. If I should guess, I would say the only thing Twilight really wants to do, is to become a perfect Virgin image princess like Celestia. I would love to see Celestia wash Twilights mouth out with soap, for letting out such stupid words
she deserves FAR MORE flack then she's gotten
what means 'Flack' in this content? It's meaning is out of my range with my google skils.
Eh, 'flack' in this context would be more accountability for the actions she took in the case of Chapter 1, as well as her continued attitude and moreover the resulting cascade of events that may or may not break the hearts of her friends.
I... That was... Wow.. I don't know if i wanna continue reading this, and don't think its bad because i have this story saved in my favs but the reason is i don't want to see the poor drake go through getting his heart broken again. It's like he might go trough this 4 more times untill he or one of the mares set everything straight and finally have a relationship with spike.
This was a great chapter and I like how the story is progressing. I understand that not all chapters will be this long but I didn't feel bored at all by reading this amount. There was enough information to keep me enthralled throughout the whole thing, but not so much that it was overbearing.
4981982 I completely agree with you. I can understand that she was worried about a sudden change in their relationship but she herself shot her own hoof and can't blame anyone else. Also Fluttershy shouldn't be blaming herself for this. Sometimes you just end up stepping on someone's toes even if you take a clear path. I can understand she wants to fix this to try to make everyone else happy but she shouldn't have all that guilt and shame on her and she shouldn't completely give up on her own happiness.
*Reads Author's Note* STOP THAT *SLAP* STOP BEING SO HARSH ON YOURSELF AND YOUR STORY THIS FIC IS WORTH IT'S WORD COUNT IN GOLD, AND I AM IN LOVE WITH IT
It would appear that the same issues that I raised in my earlier comment are not only still quite apparent. They seem to have grown even more prevalent.
You spend so much time telling your reader what happened, and then why it happened, and what it happening means, and on and on and on ad nauseum. Rather than telling us every little thing that happens and then going on to dissect everyone involved's feelings, thoughts, hopes, ambitions, and everything else you can think to add, you really need to focus in on what is important and then show your reader that, pick the important moments and really showcase them. Don't just tell your readers what happened and what it means, that's incredibly boring and doesn't engage your reader at all. Bring them into the moment, without all of the extraneous minutiae and analyzation.
I had high hopes for this, but the issues in the writing are just too much for me to continue on with it. Good luck, AnonponyDASHIE
I enjoy each of your chapters man, and don't beat yourself up over what you could have done better........ you just have to get back up and face them in stride, both flaws and haters. See the positive in the people who do like the story, and take them to heart................................
Also.......I cant wait to read about what happens next!!!!!!
4983546 He will be in for a lot of heartache that's for sure. The difference will be Fluttershy will be able to explain herself to Spike a lot better than Twillight... with more tears... even if her reasons are both noble and a little stupid.
Your Celestia damn right I hate you! For not having the third chapter up after getting me so damn addicted and then I cant even continue reading! Omfg this was so damn good. The first chapter was good. But OMFG this chapter was beyond amazing! And honestly to me it ended just perfectly. Absolute perfection! Loved every minute of it! And by the way I love long fics. Especially fics with so much substance that yours carried. Your an amazing writer despite the minute and near unnoticeable grammar mistakes. It took NOTHING away from the story for me. I cannot wait for the next chapter! Like! Favorite! Watch!
This is amazing plain and simple. I think this is one of the better Spike fics out there and you are steadily on your way to becoming a top fav in my books. Spike's motivation for staying away from Ponyville for as long as he has seems... adequate the crippling blow that Twilight rejected him would be sufficient to drive him away, that is assured, but I find it hard to imagine that would be enough fuel for an entire year, especially with everything he had been through. But that is than. Now... well this is a whole new can of worms. You fleshed out all the characters you interact with this chapter, Fluttershy and Spike, that there actions are justified, expected even, but you leave enough rope to keep us engaged. Like if Twilight had extrapolated that Spike was with Fluttershy simply because of the book, that would have docked you points, but you brought along a third character, yes, she is very loyal to Fluttershy she is also as talkative and flamboyant as you would expect her archetype to be, that when Twilight says meadowlark blabbed to all her friends you get that Aha moment. I also think that telling what a character is feeling, in this instance of a story, is what really drives it forward. At least for me. There is something that I kinda actually want to see and I am glad you touched on it. With the way you write a clear cut ending would have been expected but you gave a choose your own ending. Perfect. It would be interesting to see what people choose something that ties the whole story together or an ending that doesn't cause cognitive dissonance with the reader. If you could don't change the writing style for coming chapters. I know it's asking for a lot and there is a certain level of interaction Spike will need to have with all six mares for this to work but I just really want to see the results of what choose your owns are read at the end of this all.
You hurt my heart. You also reinforced my view on Fluttershy and Spike as a couple. This has been a very well written story so far and I eagerly await more!
(I want it to end on Fluttershy and Spike so badly no matter how much I love Twilight and Spike)
Great chapter looking forward to reading more. I know this comment is coming a bit late since the next chapter is already up. Personally I love how Spike get's his wings and has to go through a rite of passage rather then him just growing them naturally. It was very clever and impressive way to combine anatomy and character development. You mentioned having to get into Spike's head to discover how he'd feel about each mare. If you don't mind I think i can offer up a brief summery for each and what Spike would find appealing about each
Pinkie: Spike has always enjoyed a good joke and playing prank and so in that respect I feel Spike would be draw to Pinkie's fun loving nature. he two would have strong connection in their love of having fun and being able to make each other laugh.
Applejack: These two's bound would no doubt come from their similar past. Spike like Applejack knows what it is like to be under appreciated and worked to exhaustion only to have your hard work ignored and taken for granted. They also both know what it feels like to not belong. Having both gone on a quest to find their true selves and the place that they truly belong. And if you want to add it in there is the fact Applejack, like Spike, probably didn't know her parents all that well.
Rainbow Dash: Rainbow Dash is a tomboy and as such the pony Spike would feel most comfortable with as he would see her more as guy then a girl. They would no doubt have a lot in common as far as boyish interests like sports and action and adventure stories, probably some nerd type hobbies as well. Rainbow Dash is fanatical when in comes to Daring Doo and Spike as a child was a huge Power Ponies fan. They might also be able to bond a bit over being seen by others as the opposite of their gender. Spike sometimes being teased for liking to cook and wearing a pink apron.
Rarity: The compatibility here ones seems to stem from the fact Spike often envisions himself often as a knight and Rarity often envisions herself as a princess waiting for her price to seep her off her feet. Being with Rarity allows Spike to be the dashing, brave, noble knight he likes to see himself as. I've also seen fics that hit that Spike may have a bit of an Oedipus complex since many stories have spike see Celesita as his adopted mother.
This story is awesome. I can see Spike and Fluttershy as a very great couple. They match perfectly in this story. Very well written. Thank you for this wonderful story.
Oh boy, seriously, this story...I knew it was gunna hit some heart strings, but Twilight? ...not gunna lie, she's gunna need some MAJOR character development over the next few chapters for me to do anything but want her in traction for how she's handling this. Yeah, i get the logic behind it, but from where she is I can only say she has to EARN her place at Spike's side, not have him come back to her. That's the ONLY thing I'd say if fair. She fucked up badly, and therefore she should be the one to make amends. Granted I also know the others will have a spotlight in this story, "getting" with Spike or not. But still, Twilight is gunna need to step up before I'll ever accept her as Spike's choice.
On an unrelated note, DAMN YOU FOR DOING THIS TO FLUTTERS!!!! Ok, now that that's out of my system, she's generally the pony I tend to want bad things to happen to least. Having said that, seeing her so happy with Spike...dude, this just hit my heart so hard I'm pretty sure the bruises have bruises. Anyway, well done writing and I can't wait to read more. Just bare in mind, I've got my eye on this one, and while rooting for Spike's happiness, I'm NOT rooting for Twilight...rather, I'm expecting of her, and can and will be disappointed if she doesn't step up.
Part 2 of my review, as I hit the post button too early and messed up some spelling...and the edit function is on eternal load.
Anyway, I saw about the multiple endings...this pleases me. And yeah, I know, my high horse, pun intended. But I just have to say this fic and all the subtleties you've shown so far keeps me from seeing the end as it's painful enough to read, let alone MY imagination trying to follow though on the idea. Still, I'm very much looking forward to that, and likely my first one looking into is the Flutter/Spike ending, as honestly? I've fallen so hard for these two, and it's just breaking my heart here at the end.
I'll still read the rest, might even come to like a few other pairings as well. But in the end, I KNOW for sure one has a place in my heart, and it's this one here.
th09.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/257/8/c/manly_tears_by_dylandylan72-d4n7l51.png
4981982
I get this strange sense that this will be the crux of Twilight's role in her tale, making those amends. Working towards that while the other arcs are happening will be either heartbreaking, heartwarming, hilarious, and/or hot... probably all of the above.
I'm....kinda morbidly curious as to how our Author here is going to pull this off.
I mean, most dating sims/visual novel type stories focus on one pairing/role/set-up and let the rest of the events of a narrative play out with that pairing as a focus.
This tale involves six mini-romances with each one providing a possible influence on the others... (Twilight -> Fluttershy -> next...)
I mean... There's bound to be baggage here! Possibly more than can be carried in a jumbo jet.
Eventual Spike relationship status:
static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Avril+gets+complicated.+New+meme+perhaps_c9233c_3819402.jpg
...almost makes me think the Harem Ending is the Golden Ending for this.
another awesome chapter for me, i'm looking forward to spike getting with RD, Aj and rarity most.
i'd love to see a romance between RD and an aged up Scootaloo :)
4981994
Editing function bug, you can stil cpoy everything before you press editing and afterwards paste it in. Thats how i do it when it's messing around with me:D
Twilight beeing like: Don't want you around because I want to gain a perfect Virgin image like Celestia has.
And the whole Crystal empire knows hat her brother does with her foalsitter
4982609
...so much I could say to that, but honestly? Twilight was a basket case in my opinion from square one, with Spike being one of the ONLY moderating influences on her life. Considering it was him that was changing things and that she basically forced his claw into leaving...yeah, she deserves FAR MORE flack then she's gotten, especially if her attitude in this chapter has been typical.
And just to rub salt in the wound, get Celestia involved and have her express how bad she fucked up. If ANYTHING will get Twilight on the straight and narrow again, it's that. And by "straight and narrow", I mean doing the RIGHT thing for the RIGHT reasons, and not making shit difficult for everyone involved.
4982654
Yes, Twilight is merely a empty basket right now, this basket i mentioned before:
Don't want you around because I want to gain a perfect Virgin image like Celestia has.
If I should guess, I would say the only thing Twilight really wants to do, is to become a perfect Virgin image princess like Celestia.
I would love to see Celestia wash Twilights mouth out with soap, for letting out such stupid words
what means 'Flack' in this content? It's meaning is out of my range with my google skils.
4982682
Eh, 'flack' in this context would be more accountability for the actions she took in the case of Chapter 1, as well as her continued attitude and moreover the resulting cascade of events that may or may not break the hearts of her friends.
I... That was... Wow.. I don't know if i wanna continue reading this, and don't think its bad because i have this story saved in my favs but the reason is i don't want to see the poor drake go through getting his heart broken again. It's like he might go trough this 4 more times untill he or one of the mares set everything straight and finally have a relationship with spike.
This was a great chapter and I like how the story is progressing. I understand that not all chapters will be this long but I didn't feel bored at all by reading this amount. There was enough information to keep me enthralled throughout the whole thing, but not so much that it was overbearing.
In other words, it was well worth the wait, IMO.
4981982 I completely agree with you. I can understand that she was worried about a sudden change in their relationship but she herself shot her own hoof and can't blame anyone else. Also Fluttershy shouldn't be blaming herself for this. Sometimes you just end up stepping on someone's toes even if you take a clear path. I can understand she wants to fix this to try to make everyone else happy but she shouldn't have all that guilt and shame on her and she shouldn't completely give up on her own happiness.
Damn... I just want Spike to be happy Great chapter by the way!
WHY FLUTTERSHY, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO NOBLE?
cdn.alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/rage-mega-rage-l.png
Good chapter. I'm truly intrigued.
You mean Dodge Junction?
can't she see? by doing this fluttershy will just be doing the same thing twilight did. our poor dragon is in for a lot of pain
I love it so much
Manly tears
You definitely have me anxious to find out more. Good job dude. It's still sad but cute.
4981982
I am with you, bro. I choose the Spikeshy's end definitilly.
Can't wait for the next chapter, SpikeDash is one of my favorite ships. Keep up the amazing work man.
Utterly devious. Such structure. Magnificent!
*Reads Author's Note*
STOP THAT
*SLAP*
STOP BEING SO HARSH ON YOURSELF AND YOUR STORY
THIS FIC IS WORTH IT'S WORD COUNT IN GOLD, AND I AM IN LOVE WITH IT
I'd rather just have the story end with Spike being with all the Mane 6.
It would appear that the same issues that I raised in my earlier comment are not only still quite apparent. They seem to have grown even more prevalent.
You spend so much time telling your reader what happened, and then why it happened, and what it happening means, and on and on and on ad nauseum. Rather than telling us every little thing that happens and then going on to dissect everyone involved's feelings, thoughts, hopes, ambitions, and everything else you can think to add, you really need to focus in on what is important and then show your reader that, pick the important moments and really showcase them. Don't just tell your readers what happened and what it means, that's incredibly boring and doesn't engage your reader at all. Bring them into the moment, without all of the extraneous minutiae and analyzation.
I had high hopes for this, but the issues in the writing are just too much for me to continue on with it.
Good luck,
AnonponyDASHIE
I enjoy each of your chapters man, and don't beat yourself up over what you could have done better........
you just have to get back up and face them in stride, both flaws and haters.
See the positive in the people who do like the story, and take them to heart................................
Also.......I cant wait to read about what happens next!!!!!!
my god... i can't wait to read more
4983546 He will be in for a lot of heartache that's for sure. The difference will be Fluttershy will be able to explain herself to Spike a lot better than Twillight... with more tears... even if her reasons are both noble and a little stupid.
4994442 yeah, i just can't see how this can end well for spike.... as usual
Much as I enjoy this story, reading such a long chapter get arduous after awhile.
So there's only going to be 6 epiliogues then, will there be a seventh or only if people demand it?
can you make this a spike/main 6 harem?
Damn Flutters, why did you have to give in, I mean Twi had her chance and didn't use it. Well great chapter, keep going
Your Celestia damn right I hate you! For not having the third chapter up after getting me so damn addicted and then I cant even continue reading! Omfg this was so damn good. The first chapter was good. But OMFG this chapter was beyond amazing! And honestly to me it ended just perfectly. Absolute perfection! Loved every minute of it! And by the way I love long fics. Especially fics with so much substance that yours carried. Your an amazing writer despite the minute and near unnoticeable grammar mistakes. It took NOTHING away from the story for me. I cannot wait for the next chapter! Like! Favorite! Watch!
Spike breaks and eats them all.
The End!
Hnngg...... The feels of this chapter. Its too much!!!! Awesome story and awesome chapter.
This is amazing plain and simple. I think this is one of the better Spike fics out there and you are steadily on your way to becoming a top fav in my books. Spike's motivation for staying away from Ponyville for as long as he has seems... adequate the crippling blow that Twilight rejected him would be sufficient to drive him away, that is assured, but I find it hard to imagine that would be enough fuel for an entire year, especially with everything he had been through. But that is than. Now... well this is a whole new can of worms. You fleshed out all the characters you interact with this chapter, Fluttershy and Spike, that there actions are justified, expected even, but you leave enough rope to keep us engaged. Like if Twilight had extrapolated that Spike was with Fluttershy simply because of the book, that would have docked you points, but you brought along a third character, yes, she is very loyal to Fluttershy she is also as talkative and flamboyant as you would expect her archetype to be, that when Twilight says meadowlark blabbed to all her friends you get that Aha moment. I also think that telling what a character is feeling, in this instance of a story, is what really drives it forward. At least for me. There is something that I kinda actually want to see and I am glad you touched on it. With the way you write a clear cut ending would have been expected but you gave a choose your own ending. Perfect. It would be interesting to see what people choose something that ties the whole story together or an ending that doesn't cause cognitive dissonance with the reader. If you could don't change the writing style for coming chapters. I know it's asking for a lot and there is a certain level of interaction Spike will need to have with all six mares for this to work but I just really want to see the results of what choose your owns are read at the end of this all.
good cap n3n emm next incoming?
You hurt my heart.
You also reinforced my view on Fluttershy and Spike as a couple.
This has been a very well written story so far and I eagerly await more!
(I want it to end on Fluttershy and Spike so badly no matter how much I love Twilight and Spike)
Damn. 20,000 words of Fluttershy kindness, crazy Twilight, and awesome Spike. Not sure what's going to happen next but I know you'll make it great.
One of the smoothest well written Flutterspikes out Opps , Will Flutters have Spikes love child?
Lots of feels, good pace and you could see them doing this !
Great chapter looking forward to reading more. I know this comment is coming a bit late since the next chapter is already up. Personally I love how Spike get's his wings and has to go through a rite of passage rather then him just growing them naturally. It was very clever and impressive way to combine anatomy and character development. You mentioned having to get into Spike's head to discover how he'd feel about each mare.
If you don't mind I think i can offer up a brief summery for each and what Spike would find appealing about each
Pinkie: Spike has always enjoyed a good joke and playing prank and so in that respect I feel Spike would be draw to Pinkie's fun loving nature. he two would have strong connection in their love of having fun and being able to make each other laugh.
Applejack: These two's bound would no doubt come from their similar past. Spike like Applejack knows what it is like to be under appreciated and worked to exhaustion only to have your hard work ignored and taken for granted. They also both know what it feels like to not belong. Having both gone on a quest to find their true selves and the place that they truly belong. And if you want to add it in there is the fact Applejack, like Spike, probably didn't know her parents all that well.
Rainbow Dash: Rainbow Dash is a tomboy and as such the pony Spike would feel most comfortable with as he would see her more as guy then a girl. They would no doubt have a lot in common as far as boyish interests like sports and action and adventure stories, probably some nerd type hobbies as well. Rainbow Dash is fanatical when in comes to Daring Doo and Spike as a child was a huge Power Ponies fan. They might also be able to bond a bit over being seen by others as the opposite of their gender. Spike sometimes being teased for liking to cook and wearing a pink apron.
Rarity: The compatibility here ones seems to stem from the fact Spike often envisions himself often as a knight and Rarity often envisions herself as a princess waiting for her price to seep her off her feet. Being with Rarity allows Spike to be the dashing, brave, noble knight he likes to see himself as. I've also seen fics that hit that Spike may have a bit of an Oedipus complex since many stories have spike see Celesita as his adopted mother.
This story is awesome. I can see Spike and Fluttershy as a very great couple. They match perfectly in this story. Very well written. Thank you for this wonderful story.