- Member Since 5th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen Aug 22nd, 2023
Golden Graham
Has an affinity for pancakes, waffles, and all manner of breakfast foods. Runs a bed and breakfast in the heart of Ponyville. Also hosts a weekly game of Myths and Mayhem. Avatar made by DarrianMH.
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So, another Spike harem fic? Eh, at least it's not anthro...
From what little I have skimmed, the story seems good... but before I will be able to sate my little TwiSpike addiction, I need to finish other things I've started reading this week
Oh, and here's a version of the cover art without the center watermark:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/7/2/362827__safe_twilight+sparkle_shipping_spike_straight_princess+twilight_older_watermark_golden+oaks+library_twispike.png
4875133
Wow, you are good! Thanks!
4875028
Aww, how many of them are there? I was hoping to make this one stand out a little.
4875201
As long as he doesn't get all the bi..girls instantly as soon as they saw him for some unknown reason beside being grown, you should be fine
An interesting plot will help too
I got to say that I'm impressed. This is well written and has a lot going for it. Looks like Spike is moving out and becoming independent. I wonder if this will help the others see that he isn't a baby dragon anymore? I can't wait to see what you have planned for the others.
4875201
About one hundred and 6 to be exact, not counting the ones that aren't in the group, because ain't nobody got time for that.
I sit in a chair ...
Stand up ...
Applaud ...
Air kiss ...
Great job!
Continue!
4875201
1. There quite a few Spike Harem fan-fictions, as you can see by the fact that your fan-fiction has been added to the Story Group labeled exactly that
. However, you should not be discouraged by that at all, and press onward. If your fan-fiction shows the [time + effort] you put into it, then it will stand out on its own quality & merit, rather than concept.
2. On that note of Technical Writing, I would advise a minor overhaul in spacing out the text better. With 10 000+ words {A good and impressive start, healthy Word Counts are generally a positive sign.}, you need to space out between portions & paragraphs more, because you are drifting dangerously into the story-damaging "Wall of Text" territory.
3. For the Author's Note... Age-wise for the cast, you are closer to canon than you may think. Lauren Faust, and many of the major writers of the show, have stated that the specific ages of the cast are deliberately left un-specific. Lauren Faust herself said that she originally envisioned the Elements of Harmony & Spike to be in the age-range of 12-17.
Conversely, while the physical/numeric ages are deliberately left un-specific, the main characters do conform to a "general" (note "quotations") age-range of maturity amongst each other...
~ a. Applejack and Rarity are the "eldest" of the group. Ashleigh Ball and Tabitha St. Germain have both said that is how they envision their respective characters when voicing them.
~ b. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are the same age in the "middle."
~ c. Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle are the "youngest" of the girls. Twilight Sparkle only seems older because of her role as the leader of the Elements of Harmony (and probably even more so now, as the alicorn Princess of Friendship). Faust's concept of Twilight Sparkle was both a heroic character and that of a slightly tragic character; heroic in Twilight being a magical prodigy (thus youthful, by definition), yet tragic in that she had to grow up so much more quickly due to her Destiny, thus losing her childhood too early.
~ d. Spike is, rather obviously, the youngest of the group. However, Faust also envisioned Spike and Twilight being "close" (as in single digits' difference) in physical age-gap, if not maturity. Also like Twilight, Spike was forced (relatively speaking, being raised by Celestia) to mature quickly in order to be Twilight Sparkle's assistant & companion.
The general & un-specific age-ranges are actually a result of Clever Marketing as much as Creativity. By having un-specific age-ranges, it appeals to the widest possible audience(s). Obviously, this tactic has been successful ($$$) .
.
4. It is also good that your story-direction ends with Twilight, rather than Rarity. "Coming Full Circle" is a time-tested and strong storytelling tool, and especially important with a story such as yours.
5. I look forward to reading the rest of your fan-fiction.
Great cover photo, who is the artist?
4875836
Nara-chann
Spike through the heart and you're to blame! You give love a bad name!
Okay I admit I love were it... What to see this to the very end for sure.
Please don't disappoint Darker Shadows will be watching
4875958 What's up with the hostility lol?
4875595 I agree. This story is a Spike Harem story, but here's the thing: This story has just that: story. in fact, I'd go as far as to to say that this isn't your average clopfic. It is a story that has clop in it. Most Spike harem stories are either short, too full of clop, or horribly enough, both. This guy balances out the story with the clop, where it's not just a cliche Spike-fucks-everybody type of fic, but one with weight and actual merit to certain actions. Good job, Graham. Can't wait for next chapter.
Good story! I like it.
It's got a different vibe than most of the genre.
Edit: Btw, congrats on having your first fic hit the feature box.
N-B4 Mister Ignorable
YAAAAAAY
I love Spike Stories 
he is a great guy good work
I'm sure the rest of the Mane 6 will stand by their side regardless.
4875902 It's was supposed to be funny
oh well...
4875848 Just an FYI I'm fine that you deleted my comment but don't make it a habit. No one's going to know what I said and they might think you're a comment deleter and is something that can really hurt your story and you're reputation on this site.
Spike Through the Heart
and you're to blame
you give clop
a bad name
(not really—I haven't read it but I doubt this is below average, and some comments lead me to suspect it's well above average—just workin' with the lyrics here)
4876191 It didn't seem like it was particularly humorous. It sounded more like a mean spirited comment, and I'd like to keep that to a minimum please.
I'm curious to see how the next chapter comes together keep up the good work on this fic
I love this but PLEASE no sad ending...please
Wow, a straight up clopfic that is enjoyable and full of story rather than solely of sex.
You, sir, have gained my admiration and a favorite!
Ick.
No, I'm sorry; Spike and Twight is practically incest to me. In fact, considering she hatched him, she could almost be considered his mother.
Better if she took a less active role in the story.
The other Mane 6 are now 114 years old...
Kinky...
i think fluttershy
4877817 wat
New story more than ten times thr likes than dislikes. Alotta positive commentary. Welp here's goes. Chapter one...
I love this fic but go easy on spike next chapter please
mostly i just hope this does not go grimdark like another spike fic i read a while back, im still a little gunshy over it
Ill be reading no matter what tho so keep up the good work
4876118
Holy crap! How did that happen!? O.O
Feels and sex, feels and sex. Seeing a lot more of these in future stories and I love it.
Yeah, that ending? Damn!
The story feels and looks real good. And if you don't have one, I would really suggest getting a editor for this story. There was some things that needed cleaning up. Like, going from narrative to what should have been first-person dialog needs work, you we're repeating your self a lot when describing, Spike's, growth, and during the sex scene you loss some placement from when Twilight first got off the bed, then got back on. Either you forgot that she tackled him and that would have landed him on the floor on his back, or to say that they ended back up on the bed.
Still a great story!
More the "Adventure" then the "Sad" really.
And after a chapter like that, you will need more tags. "Adventure" and/or "Sad" sound like good choices.
Good luck! Will be waiting!
This was a good start, but you have a very bad habit of telling your reader why every action is important. You'll give us one sentence of showing, then give us three more telling us why it mattered. It's patronizing and frankly gets boring rather quickly. It also puts you in the unenviable position of deconstructing and analyzing your own story while it's unfolding, which I can't imagine is fun to do, and certainly isn't entertaining to read.
We, the readers, know that what happens in the story is important. If something wasn't important then it wouldn't be written here, so if we're looking for deeper meanings, we'll deduce them ourselves if you just show rather than tell.
In this same vein, you have your characters spending a long time in their own heads analyzing a conversation that is happening at that very moment. If something is important for them to get across, then they should be saying it not just thinking and analyzing to themselves in the middle of the conversation. It slows things down and is a particularly bad case of telling instead of showing.
This shows a lot of promise, so hopefully you'll work on this and we'll see improvement in future chapters.
*Goes into first chapter*
*Sees wall of text*
"...Fuck."
Why?
4878760
But readers are stupid and infantile... and incapable of understanding subtlety...
and should be put in concentration camps...This is epic!
But now the damn wait for me. Aaaarrrgghh!
4879573
'Twas kinda a joke, brah.
But yeah, I can see some flaws in this...
4879630
This whole fandom is a joke
Six downvotes for my comment? Golly-gosh, guys; I wasn't aware having an opinion beyond fawning admiration was against the rules.
Clearly the fact that I stated my point politely also worked againt me.
Holy shit, get over yourselves.
Thank you, I really get tired of seeing harem fics where Spike goes around fucking every mare he sees without context, no meaningful story to shed light as to why. Keep this up, I'll be following.
4880026
As a matter of fact I did. I was hoping the story wouldn't have taken the direction it had between Twilight and Spike. They're literally related.
You know what they say about assuming, right?
MOAR! GIVE ME MOAR!
gifsforum.com/images/image/moar/grand/moar_bird.jpg
4880144
'Romantic' does not automatically equate to 'fucking her brains out'.
If it does for you, than any relationships you have must be shallow ones
That's known as 'not judging a book by its cover'.
Care to make this a hat trick for me?
4880191 It should though. Cus people in love have awesome sex with each other
4880230
There, see? That's a response I can work with; not just the equivalent of 'You're wrong and you're a dummy.'
4880343
Also, if you're calling me a troll, more than half of my stories have been featured on EqD, so...
Folks, I'm all for civil discussion, but this is quickly devolving into a flame war. 4880347 - I'm more than happy to hear your opinion of the fic, and 4880343 - I appreciate you standing up for my work, but no part of this discussion is offering prospective readers anything useful to read other than your opinion of each other, and you're not providing me with any further criticism that hasn't already been put forward. You've both made your opinions clear, so please, unless one of you has something constructive to put forward, I would appreciate it if the two of you wouldn't clog up my fic's comment area with any further vitriol.
4879721 Hey, 6 downvotes is better than the 20 downvotes the story has gotten at least.
I've seen both sides of the coin. There are some who believe they're family, and there are some who believe their more like friends. I think the key in any given story is writing some background info to support your claim to a ship. Like, if you see her as a mother, give us some kind of info as to why Spike views her that way as opposed to just throwing it in. Same applies the other way around, of course.
Personally, I'm neutral. I can enjoy both sides if it's backed up with some good storytelling.