Twiluna Fan(clop?)fic. Twi and Luna magically bound to each other. Gryphons massing at the borders. Chrysalis trying to get back into Equestria. Discord being Discord. Canterlot Nobles trying to tear Princess Twi's authority apart. YAY!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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And things just got worse...
Of course, we still don't know the effects of the cmc's...fun.
oh poor twilight i have feeling all the element are going to be bound to her at some point,
also rarity should have knew better
What Rarity did was no were near as bad as the teacher.
The teacher give the stuff to the cook to put in the food. He know what would happen and interned for it.
Rarity, someone who was known for overworking herself making dresses, asked the cooks (cakes) for a cake to stay awake all night. She did not know that the cake's would take wanting a cake with three times the normal sugar, and what ever needed to stay awake all night, as add aphrodisiacs.
Rarity's intent was for Applejack to have to deal with hyper kids. grandparents do the same thing to their kids by giving the grandkids candy and sugar before sending them home.
The reason for the prank may have been dumb, but Rainbow and Pinkie do pranks like what Rarity was trying for. Their pranks have been even more dangerous.
Twilight or someone else could have been hurt by not having the right information down because of invisible ink.
Applejack had to waste a lot of time to clean off all the apples and find out if the pant was non-toxic. There is even a story on here about the paint being toxic and lots of ponies getting sick.
What Rainbow did to Rarity is the black pot smashing up the kettle for being black.
I could see Rarity trying to blame herself, but the cake's and everyone else should know that it is 95% the cake's fault.
Rarity is my less liked of the six, but Rarity acting like Rainbow Dash does not make her a horrible person.
That is total utter bullshit. Rarity is in no way culpable in what happened, and the comparison to the previous case is so flimsy and backwards I'd expect better from a failed law student.
The fact that this is going to have a serious impact on the story had more or less completely killed any desire I had to read this story.
7394590 On a sliding scale, I agree with you. Rarity's actions were rash, petty and stupid, but no worse than what normally goes on in Ponyville. I mean, they've got Pinkie Pie as a permanent resident. But the fact that she is the root cause of the disaster, and still refuses to apologise for her part in it, especially when her ambiguous wording and her 'history' with the cakes left the order open to interpretation, was the sticking point.
And if Rainbow or Pinkie Pie had done the 'invisible ink' and it cropped up in a serious situation, you can bet they would have suffered for it. Or if Twilight Sparkle, for that matter, had done something equally stupid and self-centered, she would have been called out on it. I'm not certain if the 'ink' on Applejack's crop was actually poisonous or not in the show, is that from a fan-fiction?
One of the sub-stories in this is that everyone is making mistakes. Nobody is perfect, nobody is flawless, nobody is immune from viewing things through the lenses of their own reality. Were the others unfair on Rarity? To a degree, yes, but it was also her fault that the whole situation started, and for a petty and fairly shallow reason at that.
7394637 Sorry to hear that, but thanks for reading thus far.
7394577 As the 'Princess of Magic and/or Friendship, whichever happens first', Twilight is metaphysically bound to the Element of Magic in ways the other Element Bearers can never be. This event, while a bit dark and twisted, will highlight this and bring Twilight to (eventual) horrible realization that as time goes by, if her friends somehow lose their bond with the Elements or pass away, she will end up bearing all of the Elements of Harmony herself, and trying to live up to six very demanding fragments of the Powers at all times is either going to make her a better Pony ... or break her entirely.
7394563 That's in the next chapter. It's already written, I'm just going back and double-checking for spelling errors and rogue words thrown into the mix.
7394663 and break her fully most likey going to happen, unless she has few love one or new friend or way to make her friend live longer
7394663
I think what annoys me the most is that the story acts as if everything bad that happens is Raritys fault purely because she started it and not because of how much direct input sge had. Not only is that not how the world should work, it's not how it works right now. There's this idea of assumed risk. I can't be held culpable for something bad happening if If the average person would have had no way of knowing it would happen. There is simply no reasonable logical way that a layperson would interpret Raritys message to mean "add drugs" and so there is no way for Rarity to have assumed it would be taken that way.
At best, rarity should be punished for the petty act of pranking a friend, but as previously said that doesn't work given how prone the pranking pinkie and dash are and how the show treats it.
This chapter was so close to a moment of actual touching character development and whiffed it so hard it hurt
The big irony is, given the name, that I now have a complete lack of sympathy for everyone but Rarity. I hope in the following chapters she writes a tell all book about how her friends are sanctimonious assholes and it causes them no end of strife.
So the cmc are now hermaphrodites, rarity has failed, Luna and twi look like they can do with a good romp to destress, celestial needs to be Luna's mare of honour. Rainbow needs to chill out.
7394663
Yea. When I said, "there is even a story on here about the paint being toxic and lots of ponies getting sick," I was talking about a fanfiction.
7394683 Rarity will most likely write the book and publish it before anyone else can do anything about it, out of spite. also Any substance that can make a person or pony stay up all night could be construed as a drug, as well as the fact that Her usual order of that ambiguity would be of the more risque, the average person in this case would go by the normal assumption, that Rarity wants an "Alternative Party Time" Cake, not a common order of "Super Saturated Sugary Delights" Cake. Also Rarity is at fault because she funded the operation and got the ball rolling. Honestly I don't blame the cakes, they had to work on an order under ambiguous terms, that weren't perfectly outlined as to Rarity's needs.
As for the elements, they have the right to deny their connection to rarity, Rarity was being belligerent and would not be generous enough to admit her petty mistake, and made it worse by being selfish, about her desires to be among canterlot elite. Ultimately this could have been avoided if Rarity had ensured that the cake was done the way she truly desired and delivered it herself.
In the wise words of penut, such a bitch.
The problem is that rarity was getting off lightly, Make an outfit? Hang out with her sister? Make some curtains? And then she went off on a tear.
Yes she got slammed by rd and they never got a chance to address potentially fatal assaults, but rarity snapped.
Honestly I am now really wanting to see what happened next because this is major. She was getting not even a slap on the wrist really and boom. Then she made it worse by seeing only herself as justfied. Just ouch.
You're going to spoil me with this update rate and then go back to updates approximately once every six months, and I'm just going to die.
But bravo, I'm really enjoying this.
After the last chapter, I thought the shit had already hit the fan, boy was I wrong.
7396294
I'm worried about that as well...
*Whew* Great story so far, and I can't wait for more!!
However, RD in this seems like she might be close to losing her gem as well. Loyalty to a friend does not mean you can go put them in a full-body cast.
Though between Aloe, Lotus, and the CMC... Twilight and Zecora have plenty for samples!
7398062 In addition to her other antics over the course of this story? Hence why Rainbow had a minor freak-out when she saw what happened to Generosity and she was shocked to realize they could lose their Elements.
And to the other point, how to ask three underage Ponies for 'samples' without Twilight going to Horseshoe Bay herself, or having Rainbow Dash or Applejack put her in a full-body cast, or with the now understandably-hostile Rarity causing all manner of problems with those connections she was just screaming about.
7396294 I'm trying to keep a saner update schedule as things progress, hoping for at least a chapter a week until I get Sympathy finished. And no, this isn't the end of the story, though we will be finishing up hopefully by chapter 60 or so. Dear God somebody help me condense all of this! Aaaagh!
7379041 Hey, sorry, obviously I hadn't explained the Sympathy well enough. While the horns-touching angle started this mess off, Twilight and Luna have magical 'frequencies' that are very similar. Meaning that any time they try to cast a spell together, or their magic otherwise 'touches', such as when they were swapping around who was carrying the shopping bags, they will suffer the 'mirrored sensations' of the Sympathy. Most Unicorns who have encountered the Sympathy are literally touching horns to 'spark' each other for sexual purposes, but in the case of individuals as powerful as Twilight and Luna, simply having their magic 'touch' each other is enough to get the ball rolling.
This is understandably a terrible flaw for the Alicorns to discover right as the Gryphons are sabre-rattling on their side of the border and the Shadow Council is up to mischief, and its a flaw with some rather dire ramifications if the two affected Princesses are ever called upon to defend Equestria or its citizens at the same time and place, and their spell-casting accidentally collides, they could end up stunned or otherwise distracted and possibly be taken out of the fight. As Chrysalis proved in her assault on Canterlot, Immortal just means you can't be killed.
Imprisoned, drained for power or just flat out tortured for all eternity are still on the menu for an Immortal unlucky enough to be captured by a sufficiently prepared or powerful opponent.
I'm in LOVE!!!! WIth This STOORRRRYYY!!! OMG YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL CREATURE!!! YOU ARE AWWWWWWWEEESSOOOOOOMMMEEEE!!!!!!!! This Story is aweome and i'm mad that i finally caught up and i have to wait for updates like everyone else now!!!! Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, It's off to wait i go.... *sigh*
This could have been a third the length and it still would have been boring.
7402721 Was I being too wordy? What parts of it dragged the most, or felt less enjoyable to read? Anything specific that springs to mind that felt like 'the worst' part of the chapter?
7402958 God, yeah, the dialogue was just awful. Everyone talked for too long during their little court, and it was such a mess of... hmm. Consider changing the order of speakers. Mix things differently. Spend less (zero) time painstakingly holding our hands through every characters internal logic. Gag the crusaders if possible, they really shouldn't even have any input here.
And it's your choice to give Rarity the idiot ball, I guess, but she feels alarmingly stupid in your current version.
Edit; like, alarmingly stupid even compared to how bad she gets in the show. This isn't an oblivious and inconsiderate bitch, this is a willfully contrary and painfully shortsighted for a mare we know to be a paragon of social grace. The dissonance is unpleasant to read, especially because you lampshade it during her spontaneous ineffectual pissing match with Twi during her (gag, sputter) "sentencing".
7402958 And the royal agents do nothing relevant, so including them in more than a brief mention is a waste of the reader's attention. Every single cutesy characterization moment that you have here would be better served in the next chapter with the simple heading of "meanwhile, in the library..."
7402983 Okay, I wasn't entirely sure if I was being too descriptive with internal dialogue, nobody has told me that, thank you. And eh, the Crusaders were affected, so I felt they needed some input/dialogue in the scene, even if it was after all the adults finished talking.
And I was trying to convey that Rarity's ego and personal desires had eclipsed her common sense and generous nature, but I must have not done so effectively. I expected that one of the bearers losing their Elements would be a controversial chapter, especially with which one would fall off the Friendship Wagon, but I should have spent another few days going back over the thing and tried more polish before trying to push out chapters at a breakneck pace.
Thank you, again, for the feedback. I can only get better with more of it. Sadly most of my writing tends to be for the D&D table, which for most of the groups means I have to be wordy when describing the environments or NPCs they encounter as having six adults all trying to metagame their characters through encounters means I have to sometimes find myself in a brick-by-brick description for the Sneaky or Magically-inclined players.
7403010 No, the elements bit is fine. Not foreshadowed adequately, which adds another point on "feels cobbled together" tally your narrative is getting, but well within reason. Having a whole description of the prior court case? Unnecessary distraction. Mentioning "Horseshoe Bay" more than zero times? Petty at best, especially since it's going to make anyone who catches the reference uncomfortable for no reason.
And they should instead be uncomfortable because Rarity is making this an uncomfortable situation.
Thanks to Clockwork, there's a rewrite of this chapter in the works. Apologies for the delays, everybody.
And the re-write is up!
Took ya long enough to notice
...well shit