Discord hoped that by ignoring the problem, it would go away. Except, that didn’t seem to be happening with this particular problem. This problem was annoying. She followed him everywhere. Asking questions. She asked good questions, but that was beside the point. It was one question she kept asking in particular that bothered Discord to no end.
“Can I please be your student? Please? You are the most interesting creature I know!”
Discord covered his face with his lion’s paw and stopped in his tracks. It was the same question every day, several times a day. “Look, Charis, for the last time, no. Just no. You are an earth pony. You don’t even have magic. While I do admit that you have a keen mind, I cannot take on a student even if I wanted to. I think the Princesses would take it wrong.”
“But… I am an earth pony that wants to be the student of a draconequus, surely you must appreciate just how chaotic that is!” Charis retorted.
“Why is this so important to you!” Discord snapped, finally losing his temper.
“Because you are the only creature I know that makes sense!” Charis shouted back.
Discord froze, unable to reply. He certainly hadn’t expected that. This was an entirely new approach to weaken his resolve. The clever filly had tried flattery, philosophical arguments, logic, but honesty was a new approach. The draconequus cringed, knowing that Celestia could and would smite him if he stepped one claw out of line. But that was the least of his concerns. There was Fluttershy to worry about as well, and one disapproving glance from her would undo him. He stared at the irritating pink filly and stood, forelegs akimbo, glaring balefully at her, hoping she would just go away.
“Look here Mister I Have Fancy Magic That Can Break the Cosmos, you are ALONE. All alone. And for all of your talk about balance, and how you preserve the balance, things are not balanced. There are four alicorns now and only one of you. Before, there were two alicorns, and one of you, and things were probably a bit more balanced. Am I wrong?” Charis asked.
Discord growled in frustration. He hated when she was right. Once she found a new angle to work on, she clung to it with earth pony tenacity and stubbornness. Even draconequuskind had a hard time dealing with earth pony stubbornness.
“Look, if you take me on as a student, as your pupil, you will have somepony to back you up in a debate with the Princesses. Unless I am feeling chaotic of course, and decide that screwing you over would be a good time waiting to happen,” Charis reasoned.
Discord struggled to hide his grin. Charis understood all too well. She was entirely too much like him. She was barely even a pony. She was something in a pony suit. He wasn’t sure what, but he had to admit he liked the cotton candy pink filly immensely sometimes… as much as he hated her at other times. Like now, when she was weakening his resolve.
“Look, you have promised to use your powers as a counter-balance once again to maintain the effective levels of order and disorder needed in this world, not for selfish gain. Certainly one earth pony filly as your student wouldn’t be selfish. It would be an act of balance. To correct for all of those earth pony fillies that aren’t your students. I am an anomaly, at least acknowledge that,” Charis argued.
“You are something,” Discord agreed.
“I just want to learn from you. You have so much to teach. You have perspectives and viewpoints outside of pony society, and I don’t fit into pony society. Look at me. I am almost an adult and no cutie mark. Nothing. I have no purpose. I have no meaning. I am a blank slate. I am free to do whatever I want whenever I want. I have no duty to fulfill. Nothing is expected from me by anypony. I walk into a room and ponies barely acknowledge me. I don’t belong in their society because they don’t know how to identify me or categorize me. I am an earth pony born to do what exactly? If I am to be a blank slate, then I want to write my own destiny as I go. Make me your student!”
“Fine! Just shut up already!” Discord shouted, throwing his forelegs up into the air and shaking his head. His forelegs landed on the ground a moment later and he was forced to pick them up with his tail and pop them back into place.
“Really?” Charis asked.
“Yes, I will take you as my apprentice. You have successfully pushed me to the brink of insanity and that is no easy task!” Discord muttered, wiggling his limbs after reattaching them. He approached the filly, a scowl upon his face, his griffon arm extended, one claw protruding. He touched the filly on her forehead, causing her to cry out in alarm.
“What did you do to me?” she demanded.
“I’ve marked you as my own. You are bonded to me. I have claimed you. You are my first student, and I don’t want something happening to you like a manticore eating you or something. That would be annoying!” Discord replied.
“But being eaten and pooped out by a manticore might be a fascinating learning experience. Certainly you could preserve me…” Charis stated.
A mad cackle escaped Discord’s lips. “Oh my, you are going to be a fun student, you seriously think being eaten by a manticore would be educational?”
Charis nodded.
“Well, maybe not on your first day, but we might be able to arrange that. I just realised, I have no idea what to do with you. I guess our relationship continues as it has been. Talking. Debating. Exchanging ideas,” Discord mused.
Charis beamed and the draconequus reached down to tousle her purple mane.
“Wait, is that appropriate student teacher contact?” Discord asked.
“Who decides what is appropriate?” Charis asked. “Morality is like colour. Describe the colour blue to a blind pony. Does a dragon share the same morals as a pony? Can either be described as a moral being to the other?”
Discord stroked his chin. “Now that you mention it,” he muttered. “I suppose morals are what I hold myself to, and all the good things I do are selfishly done to suit my own needs so I can continue being friends with Fluttershy. Hmm.”
“Is that wrong?” Charis asked.
“Well, no. I am happy, Fluttershy is happy, which is important to me, and the world is made a slightly better place because I am selfishly serving my own needs and selfish desires,” Discord reasoned.
“If you want to keep me as a student, and I wish to keep you as my teacher, it is in our better interests to treat one another with respect, which could constitute morality or a social contract of some sort I suppose. I don’t mind if you touch me, I liked it,” Charis returned. “I have nothing to fear from you, I know where your heart lies.”
Discord looked serious for a moment.
“And I have no intentions of attempting to intrude. What you have with her is special,” Charis stated.
Discord relaxed.
The two creatures sized one another up, looking at one another in new ways, each one truly looking at the other with an open mind and taking in all they saw and perceived. Now that he was open to the idea, the draconequus saw his potential equal, which is what all students were, if they had good teachers.
“First lesson, dealing with authority figures,” Discord cackled. He snapped his fingers and the world around them shifted.
Charis found herself staring at a very shocked looking Princess Celestia, who was raising her eyebrow at Discord. The monarch was on her throne.
“Sorry to intrude while you were on the toilet, but I had to let you know that I took on a student,” Discord stated. “It only seemed polite.”
The defecating monarch suffered a bout of embarrassing crepitation during her moment of surprise.
The world shifted again and Charis found herself in a small round chamber. There were some curved sofas around the walls, a fine looking rug, and one very annoyed looking draconequus.
“She teleported me away while I was trying to be civil,” Discord groused.
“She was pinching a loaf,” Charis reasoned.
“That wasn’t stopping her from conversation, she talks out of the other end. Usually. Never tell her I said this, but she does on occasion talk out of her ass,” Discord replied.
“True,” Charis agreed.
“Pay attention, authority figures often overlook simple civility when dealing with you,” Discord summarised.
“Noted,” Charis quipped.
Discord began to pace back and forth in the room, his forelegs folded behind his back, his brow furrowed with thought. His tail swished back and forth.
The door was slammed open a moment later and an angry white alicorn came bursting through, her horn blazing with golden light. “WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?” she demanded.
Discord moved between Celestia and Charis, claws extended. “You harm one hair on my student’s head, and the peace is off! No more mister nice draconequus!”
Princess Celestia froze, her eyes wide, a look of surprise and horror upon her features. “Well, at least your priorities are well placed. You protected your student using your own body. I am surprised Discord. I may have over-reacted and I apologise for doing so,” said Celestia as her horn slowly went dim. “But taking a student, why?”
“She made very convincing arguments. She is probably the wisest philosopher you have in your kingdom. She’s been making them for almost a year now,” Discord replied, saying nothing else.
“So is this a philosophical arrangement?” Celestia inquired.
“Yes,” Discord answered.
“I see,” the alicorn stated, still looking very confused. “Very well then. Do not abuse my trust."
“Did everything come out okay?” Charis inquired politely.
Celestia turned her head and regarded the earth pony, her lips pressed into a thin flat line. “She already has your blatant disregard for authority,” Celestia commented.
“Your ponies made her that way, they treat her like a pariah because she doesn’t have her magical butt mark of destiny,” Discord retorted. “Wasn’t it you who told me respect isn’t given, it is earned?”
Celestia heaved a sigh of exasperation.
“I might be wrong here, but it seems to me that you expect Discord to acknowledge your authority. He’s reformed, he behaves, he has helped out Equestria many times now, but you do nothing to acknowledge his authority. His chaos defines your harmony. You two need one another. Yet you offer him no sense of respect in return for the respect you feel he owes you simply because you wear that tacky crown,” Charis elucidated.
Discord clamped his paw over his mouth as he choked, wheezing and coughing, his eyes wide as his was torso heaving. His tail twitched as he struggled to contain himself.
“Charis…” Celestia said.
“What?” replied Charis, staring Celestia in the eye.
“I don’t know how to reply to that,” Celestia admitted. “Now there are two of you.”
“And four of you,” Charis replied.
“Can we start over and begin again?” Celestia asked.
“So you failed and you want a do-over,” Charis stated.
Celestia sighed and summoned her patience. “Yes, yes I do.”
“I am agreeable to that,” Charis stated. “Discord?”
“I am as well. Charis is correct though. A little respect might be nice. You treat me like I am an underling,” Discord said.
“I do. You are both correct. And for that, I am sorry,” Celestia apologised.
“It was a pleasure to meet you your highness, I hope you will forgive me for my intrusion into your privacy. It was not my fault,” said Charis, still looking Celestia in the eye.
“Discord, bathrooms are off limits. Please. In the future. May I ask this of you?” Celestia inquired.
“I suppose so, but I still don’t understand the big deal,” Discord said.
“Thank you,” replied Celestia, her tone one of appreciation.
“Well, I learned how to deal with authority figures. Treat them like ponies,” Charis stated. “I feel wiser already.”
That was the hardest I have laughed in a looooooong time. I hope to God this gets popular so you get it to its proper conclusion.
Writer's "blockage"...? Oh, groan.
Hilarious. Looking forward to more.
4528938
The throne?
4528942 by God, yes, the throne. Only Discord.
Well, now, only Discord and Charis.
I died!
As in one of the three Graces?
4528995
Yes.
4529018 Goddesses of, a few things, but notably "human creativity"?
4529025
Meh, pony creativity.
Kudzu, you better not do your little thing where you go 'damn, not enough fans, gotta cancel it', because if you do, so help me, I will find you and make you un-cancel it. I have hacker friends that owe me more than a few favors.
Also, this fic is glorious.
i.imgur.com/bqvE3At.gif
What a shitty excuse.
I like this...MORE!
...Oh, but um, Chase updates first, if you can...
4529037
Meh, I am on a Chromebook. Go hack google.
This has to be one of the more entertaining OCs I've ever encountered.
Don't Earth Ponies have earth magic or something?
Or are they truly the suckiest type of ponies?
4529029 Human creativity seems to be a bit more... Dastardly.
4529042 I wouldn't have to hack google, I would just get my buddies to start changing your personal settings on your device or something. Yes, they can do that kind of stuff. No, I wouldn't do anything that would make you unable to continue writing. No, I wasn't threatening you, I was just reminding you that it would be a bad idea to cancel another good fic on me. And yes, I found this fic to be absolutely hilariously gloriously tasty.
Yes, that was a really weird bout of improper grammar in that last sentence, but that is for you to deal with, not me.
i.imgur.com/bqvE3At.gif
Magnificent. Frankly, I'm amazed that Charis hasn't earned some kind of abstract cutie mark with an uncertain meaning that could be debated about for days. Which would be exactly the point.
In any case, eagerly looking forward to more whenever it may come. Especially if Charis is who I think she is.
4529049
She has earth pony magic and immense strength, but she doesn't have zap boom pow magic. Or weather manipulation.
What she does have, is a mouth and a brain.
4529071
Okay, then why is Discord saying she has no magic? She can make grass grow! That has to count for something!
Though come to think of it, Earth Pony magic is probably close to Chaos Magic given that a lot of it focuses on change. Admittedly with a bias towards plants and themselves.
insta fav if just because somepony/thing was able to take celestia down a notch or two.
Your second story, that i am behind 100%
if this doesn't get featured, I'm punching a kitten in the face
4529212
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3360-1330671248679.gif
Eehhhh! Chaos lessons and Chaotic philosophy! I'm in, maybe I can finish my research paper after this.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if this does not become popular. I love Charis already.
I woke up my house laughing so hard... they thought I might be having a seizure or something. Continue thissoon please.
That extra um bump on her rump won't do any favors thats for sure.
And this story just got upgraded from Read Later to Favorites! I hope your story updates are not too infrequent because you got a good story premise here.
Ok I'm on board with this. I had feared you were making Discord the master of balance, but I see now that role was forced upon him. So now we have agents of Order and agents of Change, I tend to like the non evil philosophy of chaos being an instrument of change for better or worse. Since Harmony and Order rule any change is seen as bad, so Discord was forced to take on the role of bringer of Balance. If the Pantheon all work to bring balance for changes sake Discord would become adversarial. I love how logical Discord can be, one plus one is anything but two.
4529234 First picture on new PC, and it is from you!
Now, if only this bloody window 8.1 would work to take the picture without messing up the resolution...
4530001 You're new to this author, aren't you?
I keep up-voting, but for some reason it still hasn't reached the feature box. Why won't it work?!
On a more serious note I love this idea, the first chapter alone nearly made me spit-take and I look forward to seeing what you come up with next.
this was actually very good! you can put some backstory into discords life, his species, how his magic works, etc!
Looks really good. Needs more troll tho.
*Takes out a mace, points a finger, and hits you on the head with the mace*
Can't wait for more!
Nice story concept and premise. Well executed so far. Claris is taking a very Socratic approach here, pointing out flawed preconceptions and assumptions. She is biased toward Discord, of course, but she still makes a few good points. Besides, she's very polite and taking a very impersonal stance, so she comes across as very likeable.
I approve and want to see more.
This is gonna be good. I normally would fave simply because that title is awesome (love that movie) but also because this Charis character is very likable. Keep up the good work. Now, where's my hat, I've gotta catch my ride....
This is hilarious!
.... You may proceed.
Charis is Screwloose isnt she?
I like it so far. Please continue ^.^
4532184 *Screwball
If you are saying you had to write this, I will say don't dare stop it. Spilt them all!!
You lured me in with your verbosity, loquacity, and Bo Burnham-esque wordplay, and hooked me with the poop jokes. You have earned favorite and a like.
KBO.
4529071
Wouldn't not having a natural conduit for magic like wings or a horn make Charis a good chaos mage because it's one without said conduit would defy the established order? (Assuming that chaos magic grows in strength with the existence of things that should not be.)
Also, good work, the only thing that jars me about this fic is the borderline "said bookism". But that in itself, is subjective.
I'm not saying this is the single greatest MLP fanfic I've ever seen, but it's one of. For one thing, I have this strange feeling of meeting someone and finding that they've been my best friend for my entire life.
I'm referring to Charis and Discord, of course .
"Magic butt mark of destiny" is also an excellent way to describe cutie marks.
You had me at the word 'crepitate'. After that, I was in the story, up to my neck.
aaaand now I'm dead, and hooked on this story
4545245
indeed