A Flicker of Light in a Sea of Darkness

by Pink as Pie

A kind hope

Rain drizzled down and the artificial storm spewed lightning and sounded thunder. Hasty hoof falls broke a puddle’s relative tranquility. Wings beat weakly as a yellow form rushed along a winding path. Ascending up a path littered with thorns, a weary pegasus continued to climb, aided by wing and hoof, the pegasus fought up the hill.

~

“We have a chance to do something good, to save Equestria. Who’s with me?”

“Well I, for one, am surely with you dear.”

“Me, me, me!”

“Oh yeah! Who’s the bad guy this time?”

“Well of course partner.”

“I, well um, just what do I have to do?”

~

Up and up, went her little form. She continued to go along the difficult path, wind tore through her mane and tail. Rain pelted her, pushed against her, held her back from following the path too quickly.

~

“So-so this is really going to help those poor ponies?”

“Yes, of course Fluttershy.”

“But, what if…”

“Don’t worry, we’ve thought of everything.”

~

The chill that seeped into the bone was the worst part, on this forsaken night anypony would wish for a nice warm fire, snuggled up in a comfy blanket, yet this pony was freezing. So cold was she that she could not feel her hooves, nor her face, her eyes were froze half shut, and her body strained to move.

Yet for all this she felt warmth.

~

“Wow, radical!”

“My! That certainly is bold.”

“If it works we can have a party!”

“Well I figure it has a chance.”

“…”

~

This heat, according to some, was nothing but a chemical working on the brain. To others it was rubbish made evident by such and such calculations. For all to see it was immaterial and irrelevant. But to this single pony, it was not.

~

“May-be you could try again?”

“No! Why won’t she see reason!”

“Calm down darling, I’m sure you knew this was a possibility.”

“Of course!”

“Whats ‘of course’ sugarcube?”

~

In crooked leg was a small candle flickering in this malevolent tempest. When darkness was at it’s greatest and near all consuming; it still sought to snuff out this little light.

~

“What?”

“Huh?!”

“Care to run that by again?”

“meep!”

“?!”

~
Rain poured heavily as three hoofs sloughed through mud thick as can be. Wing beat offered only a slight crutch to the arduous trek. A light cradled close to the helpless pegasus, flickered close to utter death.

Suddenly the pegasus fell, tripped by a gnarled weed hidden in a copious amount of mud. Trying to stand the pegasus only fell again. Yet still she blocked the elements with her body to protect the candle burning bright.

~

“Don’t worry no one will be harmed. Beside I have it fully planned out. Nothing can go wrong. Now can I count on your help?”

~

Laying in the mud, the yellow pony shuddered as she felt herself grow numb. She thought of how pointless and vain it was to go along. How all of this could be made nothing but a fraction of a second.

Hope was gone, miracles were lies and holy things were fairy tales.

~

“Don’t worry Element of Loyalty always has your back!”

“Now hold on, don’t this all seem a bit rash?”

“Applejack use your common sense. It has been more than millennia and if it was going to happen it should have happened by now.”

“Well… yeah, but what if she is right?”

“How can she be? Don’t you see how huge their love is? How can you say it’s wrong?”

“I dunno, maybe she has a reason?”

“Please what reason can possibly keep them apart? Is love evil?”

“Well… no,”

“Can you say for a fact it’s wrong?”

“Um,”

“It’s their business! What right do you have about what goes on in their bedroom?”

“…”

“Applejack please see reason.”

~

The cold, oh how cold was this black night. So very cold, embracing death seemed like lifting a burden compared to this miserable cold.

~

“Darling, you know I am an absolute sucker for forbidden trysts, but should we really go against the law?”

“An unjust law is no law at all Rarity.”

“Yes, yes I know but still…”

“Rarity equality is the highest moral law we could attain too. Especially regarding love.”

“…yes, you’re right. Oh! You are quite right darling!”

~

Just a little rest, only a little re…

~

“Will it make ponies smile?”

“Of course Pinkie, it will make many ponies smile.”

“Will it make ponies frown?”

“Pinkie some ponies find other ponies smiling about being who they really are to be reason enough to frown.”

“…”

“Pinkie?”

“Twilight let’s make ponies have reason to smile.”

“That’s the spirit Pinkie.”

~
…

~

“Fluttershy?”

“Ah, um yes Twilight?”

“What about you?”

“Oh, well I don’t really know.”

“Don’t you wish for those who love each other, to have the same rights and privileges?”

“I, I think that certain, um situations can um make it different to,”

“You would really keep lovers apart, unable to marry like all the others simply due to some old musty traditions.”

“I,”

“Make it hard for them to be happy about their condition, make them feel their love is some sort of perversion to be despised and spat upon.”

“Uh,”

“Allow others to hate some, just because they love something society says they should not? Then who is the really sick, them or society?”

“… No one will be hurt?”

“I promise, I give my word no one will be hurt.”

“O-okay then.”

~

Rain pelted the unmoving yellow form balled up halfway up a hill. Feathers splayed in every direction and mud caked all about her self. Not a single heart beat in her breast, nor a fire quickened through.

She lay there, like a rock or a piece of grass. She was a part of the scenery not one to act against nature, or for it but to be acted upon like a vegetable or a speck of dust. A ghost to all was she to all who might pass by.

~
Striding into the bedchambers, Princess Twilight lit up her horn and swung open the doors to the chamber. Seated upon a carpet was her royal highness, Princess Celestia.

Looking up from some papers arrayed before her, her graciousness espied Twilight and her five friends all standing shoulder to shoulder with Twilight at the front of the pack.

“Yes Twilight?” Her majesty asked.

“Princess I wish for you to reconsider the matter I and your sister Princess Luna brought to your presence but an hour ago.” Twilight stood tall and defiant, as if she were going to bring her demand to fruition upon will alone.

“As I have repeated many times before and shall continue to answer till my dying breath, I will not change these laws given to me from before recorded history.” Raising herself to her full height Princess Celestia stood roughly twice the height of Princess Twilight.

“Why Princess will you not see reason? Can you not see all the lives you’ll benefit with but one nod, a flick of the pen? Why oh why do you have to be so unreasonable?!” The purple alicorn whined.

“Because the law cannot change no matter what we wish it may be, for the law is unchanging and that is a lesson you must learn, my little pony.” Celestia pronounced with a stern look.

Twilight groaned and pawed at the floor, like a caged animal unable to find a means to escape.

A blue flash and an audible pop later signaled the arrival of another princess, her highness Princess Luna. “Sister, what she says is true, you cannot be a, forgive me, but a stubborn old nag forever. This is the way of progress as surely as our ponies do not live in fences and huts, so must the law change to fit the future.”

A pained look befell Princess Celestia as she gazed at her younger sister. “Luna it cannot be done no matter-“

“What! It can be done sister; you just have to do it!”

“Luna-“

“Don’t ‘Luna’ me; we both know the law can be changed by the Princesses of Equestria, so why won’t you do it?” Luna begged.

“For the only laws we can, should change are those that are merely law of conduct, not such important laws that herald from the distant past, immutable and unchanging. Laws not ours to break.”

“Lies! All lies! You must all see such bull headedness as this, there is but only one option available to me.” Luna bowed her head as she finished her sentence, Celestia’s eyes widened in fright as those images of that event near millennia ago resurfaced. Rebellion and anger turned to a frightful evil, and Celestia feared history repeat itself.

An explosion and bright light blinded the ponies from seeing Celestia. When sight returned all that was left was a small filly barely bigger than a foal.

“Now sister perhaps you will see reason,” marching up Luna towered over little Celestia like a giant to mere men, “We, Twilight and I will teach you that what you thought evils were good, what you took a perversion, wholesome love, what you say as light, darkness and darkness, light.” Luna trumpeted.

On shaky legs Celestia stood to her full filly height and met with her own declaration, “You may have put me down, struck me low and made me humble, but know this: I will never concede to the filth and disgust of your lust that you call love, for I will combat it at every turn and it’s vileness will never be condoned in all of Equestria so long as I breath and live. Know your depravity will not come to pass as good or pure for the law was written by GOD and does not change nor ever will!”

Without a warning a purple beam rapidly descended upon Celestia knocking her over and singing her coat. Faces turned from the white filly to an enraged purple alicorn.

Sensing all the looks she was getting ranging from Luna’s calculating eyes to Fluttershy’s horrified expression, she defended herself thus, “Did you not see her hatred? How could I simply allow that to continue, true I hurt her but it was only because of the anger I felt at her, her awful and despicable hatred!” Turning to Face Luna she continued, “but not to worry we will wipe clean her memories and raise her to be a kind hearted filly, who sees our love for what it is. Not what she thought it was.”

Directing her gaze back to Celestia, she found her missing and searching the room she found a friend gone as well.

Running through the halls, Fluttershy took wing seeking somewhere far away from the palace, some place with no Princess Luna and no Twilight Sparkle.

Soaring past Canterlot, Fluttershy began to feel the air change as magic took shape bringing together black clouds, and darker ones pregnant with rain and thunder.

Winds swept pass her gaining in strength until she had to set down a bit past the outskirts of Ponyville near some hills; she raced on three legs with small Celestia in tow, held by a single leg. Her wings helped her keep balance as she raced to the foothills. Rain began to pour and lightning stroke a tree not far off.

Yet she chooses the hard and difficult path.
~
‘for the law was written by GOD and does not change nor ever will!’

Somewhere not from within strength began to flow throughout Fluttershy’s weary and tired body. Her heart quickened and soared. Slowly she stood, still clutching her precious light.

Up that hill, along that winding path that was ever so narrow, rarely easy and at times hard to find, up she went, a brave little pegasus, who could not fly very fast or very well, yet was kind to all, who in the thick of it you would rather have with you than someone merely nice or polite.

Thorns tore at her skin, wind and rain battered her body and the cold stabbed at her, yet she continued with a faith, that all that was light was light and all that was dark merely dark. That good was good and evil simply evil. True, there were ponies that said there was no such thing, that it was simply different scales of grey, no black and white; but Fluttershy knew better. She had seen white and she had seen black. She had seen the light from on high.

Comments

[Pleaseworkforonce]

Since this is a short story I'm just going to put awkward parts in the comments

spewed lightning and sounded thunder

Yeah those verbs are awkward

This heat, according to some, was nothing but a chemical working on the brain. To others it was rubbish made evident by such and such calculations.

Those two groups of people sound pretty much the same

At the end things start to escalate way too quickly to leave any emotional impact and the message was left wanting.

Now the message there's some points that need to be worked
1: You need to give us a reason to care because to be frank I felt nothing for any of the characters throughout the story
2: You need to actually give some reasons as to why the message in the story is right and put more details into the message you support. Right now the message pretty much looks like this if you skim over the story

"Gay marriage should be legal, if you disagree you should be attacked by those who love you and have your life controlled by a third party"

Anyways after rereading it a few times it starts to shift to this message
"There is right and there is wrong and wrong is wrong even if it seems right"
However this message runs into the problem of not enough character development to actually make me care at all and has no evidence in the story other than a weepy Fluttershy.

Anyways good luck in your future stories

[YB]

I was going to make a long comment but 4526265 pretty much nailed it

I really liked the way you started the story, with the present and the past being shifted quickly, it was fluent and somewhat natural
But then it turned into a drama -- the word is overused, but here it is exactly the definition of drama.

You know, it kind of feels like old literature, in a way. There is a lot of symbolism, of implicit meanings, and a very high level of English -- which makes it harder to read, especially for foreigners like me, hehe -- that make it look very classy... but there is also that theatricality, these long spoken lines that you most likely will never hear from anyone's month nowadays, and, well, there are little to no feelings being shown. It doesn't feel natural.

But most importantly, it feels like it doesn't belong, like it's something that should not be here, in this universe. It's like everything is broken ("Won't you see reason" everywhere), shots being fired from every side, and there is Fluttershy caught in the crossfire. Maybe that's what you wanted to show, in which case, well, it worked. And as I think about it, well yeah, it was good. But it still lacks that empathy, that link between the reader and the characters, to make it work properly.

I feel like I missed the point of the story.
That's why I can't really like or dislike it.
But you seem to be very capable, so keep trying and writing.

I can't think of a way to end this comment properly, so have a picture of a pony with glasses as an encouragement

[Pink as Pie]

4526265 I had recognised the verbs were strange and almost changed the "spewed lightning" but decided against it; simply because I liked it as it was, it felt more creative.

Yes, they are very similiar in spirit but it has been my observation that the two very different people could use a slightly different justification.

Regarding the ending and overall impact, I admit that parts were certainly jarring and am saddened that you felt no conncetion to any of the characters. Any tips regarding this would be appreciated.

As for the message I had thought it was rather clear, what was the law? Could change on a dime? Was light darkness and darkness light or darkness darkness and light light? There was supposed to be some ambiguity and ultimately the heart of each reader would decide their position.

Thanks for commenting and good luck to you too.

[Pink as Pie]

4526356

"I really liked the way you started the story, with the present and the past being shifted quickly, it was fluent and somewhat natural"
That is good to hear, I feared it may not have gone over so well.

I do adore old or as some call it archaic literature, speech and such.

I also sympathize I understand how difficult learning a new language can be.

"and, well, there are little to no feelings being shown. It doesn't feel natural."
I had thought I had shown a fair amount of emotions: Fluttershy giving up and gaining new strength, Twilight's desperation and hatred of being called or even hinted of perversion, Celestia's unfailing sticking to her guns and Luna's impartiality as well as her arrogance.

"But most importantly, it feels like it doesn't belong, like it's something that should not be here, in this universe. It's like everything is broken ("Won't you see reason" everywhere), shots being fired from every side, and there is Fluttershy caught in the crossfire. Maybe that's what you wanted to show, in which case, well, it worked."
That is almost exactly what I was going for, especially regarding reason; a most vain assumption that everything can be unravelled by Man's mere intellect.

Nevertheless thanks for the encouragement and the .

[mehperson]

Wait... what is the law they were begging Princess Celestia to change? It is about love so gay marriage. Is it allowed or forbidden? Sorry, but I am not used to this kind of writing. I ,somehow, liked it.
EDIT: Never mind. I understand now