Makuta and the Birth of Nightmare moon

by Zillafire101

The Shadows Beckon

Luna's eyes snapped open. Where was she? She could see nothing. Try as she might, the Alicorn ruler could not see through the darkness, despite being more attuned to it then normal ponies. She attempted to use her magic to caste a light upon the area, but as soon as her horn came to life, the darkness it self seemed to spring forth and swipe out the light.

She recoiled in fear as she looked around. This smacked of something King Sombra would pull. Yet, it had been merely weeks ago her sister and she had caste out the ruler of shadow. So, the main question was, what was going on here?

"Luna..." a voice whispered, seemingly from everywhere and nowhere at once. It resonated, deep and groaning, like hatred itself given a noise.

"Who is there?" She shouted. "Reveal thyself from the shadows, fiend."

"Oh, but I am shadow. I would've thought you'd understood that." the voice spoke, seeming to get closer.

"What do you mean?" she asked, still on edge, looking around for some form of life.

"I live in the shadows my elder brother forged. They are a prison he caste upon me. Surely you understand that?" said the voice.

"We don't know what you mean. Now show thouself or suffer the consequences!" She shouted, horn alight once more.

"Dear child, you could no more destroy me then you could the water, the earth....or the nothingness." With those final word, 2 bright red snapped open in front of her, energy leaking out and illuminating the area, around the eyes.

"Sombra?" She asked in a startled whisper, horn's energies dissipating in fear.

"I am much more then that." The voice said gleefully, the eyes seeming to move forward, like a shadow given form. "I am beyond him, or you. I am beyond flesh, and you should understand that what you gaze upon...is a god."

With that, he banished the shadows, revealing his full form. His body was a complex apparatus of plates and metal wires, connected together by some higher, darker arts then what Luna knew of. His armored form was rusted, pitted with scars and yet still functioning. Underneath this rust, was the armor itself, black in color, with large shoulders to maximize his godly stature. His claws where twisted blades, with 2 thumbs, and from his back, sprang two massive pairs of golden yellow wings, plated as well. but his face, was the most terrible thing. It was curved black piece of metal, more of a mask then anything. It had ancient markings across it, but those 2 terrible red eyes remained.

Luna gazed up at the titan in obsolete fear. What was this monster, why was it visiting her?

The creature released a twisted chuckle, and it's mask seem to bend into a smile of sorts.

"Why I have I come to you?" He asked, putting his claw under her chin, raising her head so she could gaze into his eyes. "I've come to set you free."

"From what?" She asked, tears starting to form.

"Your sister." He said with a hiss.

"And what would you know of that." She snarled, trying to pull away, yet, her hooves felt glued to the cold dark floor.

"I had a brother once, a God among his people, I, his guardian and loyal advisor." he said. "Yet I say the weakness in his role, the lack of order. So, I sought to usurp him, and bring order to his universe."

"And what happened?" Luna asked, almost without thinking.

"I am about to succeed." He said in a confident hiss. "And I can help you do the same."

Luna looked at the might titan uncertainly. Why was he so eager to help her?

"Luna, when I look at you, I see myself, many suns passed. When I was in the believe that serving my brother was the greatest route to respect, and that I could live happily." He said, looking off to the distance.

"What changed?" She asked.

His body spun around to face her again, faster then she would've thought normal. "Everything. The moment I opened my eyes to see the anarchy, the chaos within his universe. I created order and peace where ever I went, yet no one could afford any respect to me. I had done so much more then Mata Nui ever could, but they never paid me my dues."

"I don't see how I could be similar to you in anyway." remarked Luna.

"Just as my grand achievements where ignored, so are yours. Why do the Ponies ignore the nights you create, the stars and their patterns, the beautiful moon. Just as I had to, you must caste off Celestia's shadow, and create your own. Make them see you for the mighty ruler and sovereign that you are."

Luna looked down on the cold hard floor. She had felt envious of Celestia, yes, but to outright move against her? She never had contemplated such a move. However, the idea of ruling these ponies, to "help" them see her achievements, was much too tempting to ignore.

"We never got to hear thy name." She said, raising her head to look the Shadowy being in the eyes.

"I go by many names. Master of Shadows, The Changer of Ways, Puppeteer of Emotions. However, exalted Queen, you may simply call me Makuta." he said, with an air of pride.

"Well, Makuta, how would you help me?" asked Luna, looking up at the mighty Titan.

"Simple, my dear student of nightmares. Go to your castle, and call Celestia forth. Tell her...That there can be only one, and demand she give you the power to rule. Of course, like all blind, idiotic monarchs, she will refuse. So, summon a Solar Eclipse with your power, when both our strengths will be at their highest, and I will award you my power, which, coupled with yours, will be able to destroy her."

"What if it fails, what will become of us, you and me." She asked, on edge.

"Do not worry yourself, I have everything planed." He flicked his claws through the air nonchalantly. "Merely challenge her, best her, and everything you desire shall be yours."

Luna chewed her lip. While she had reservations about fighting her sister, she decided it was for the best. They had to do this, if Equestria was not to be threatened by power-mad tyrants any longer.

"I accept your offer, Lord Makuta." She said, bowing in respect.

"Good, very good. Now go forward, and let Celestia bow before your new power and strength!" He said, before disappearing into the shadows as suddenly as he had come.

She now knew what to do.

-------

Makuta, meanwhile watched from afar as he saw Luna began her little bout with Celestia. he had gone as far as rewarding the newly formed Nightmare Moon her powers, but did little to actually help her. She had little to do with his plan. In fact, he could've killed both of them and usurped rule of their nation easily, but watching this was far more fun. He watched the 2 continue their battle, enjoying the small break he had from plotting his take-over the of the Matoran universe.

What caught his attention was Celestia now had summoned the six elements of harmony to her side.

"Oh, we have ourselves a little Toa! All 6 members in one!" He said with a chuckle.

He decided to watch for a bit as Celestia used the Elements to banish Nightmare Moon to the moon, but, as he had already predicted, did not have the strength to complete the exorcising of his dark influence. With 1 final clash of magic, the 2 beams clashed, and Nightmare was sent to the moon.

"Better go counsel her. Of course, I've never been bested in combat, so I would not know what that is like." He chuckled, taking his shadow form, teleporting to Luna/Nightmare's side.

"You!" She shouted, as he took solid form. "You promised me victory."

"Now, now, Nightmare. I made no such promise. I did say you could possibly do it." He said, extending his hands out, and began testing his powers.

"What are you doing now?" she growled.

"Creating an escape mechanism." He responded. "Now, this may take a few 1000 years, and I have better things to do, please, be a good girl, Nightmare Moon."

"Wait! Makuta!" She screamed. "Makuta!"

But it was of no use. The Lord of shadows disappeared as suddenly as he had come, but left with one final word. "I am not finished with you, you still hold some relevance in my plans, so do be patient, I will come back for you...eventually."

With nothing left, Nightmare closed her eyes, and, turning her head to skies, screamed in a blood crazed rage.

Author's Note:

I have not yet completed this. Be patient.

Comments

[JeckParadox]

Well, there are a few obvious problems to start out with;
First, numbers. When you're writing dialogue it's always preferable to use words instead of numerals for numbers. For example;

He watched the 2 continue their battle, enjoying the small break he had from plotting his take-over the of the Matoran universe.
What caught his attention was Celestia now had summoned the six elements of harmony to her side.
"Oh, we have ourselves a little Toa! All 6 members in one!" He said with a chuckle.

looks better like:

He watched the two continue their battle, enjoying the small break he had from plotting his takeover of the Matoran universe.
What caught his attention was Celestia now had summoned the six elements of harmony to her side.
"Oh, we have ourselves a little Toa! All six members in one!" He said with a chuckle.

Second, motivations. While we saw some of Luna's anger for being shunned in the show, it'd be better if you showed that emotion here. As is, we have Luna, someone who just defeated Sombra alongside her sister, meeting Makuta, being rightfully terrified and suspicious and then... with no cause for change, with very little convincing, immediately contemplating and then agreeing to betray her sister. You didn't show any kind of stress or emotional hardship Luna was going through that might make her contemplate rebellion, and we don't see Celestia being tyrannical or promoting anarchy, so Luna's turn seems unbelievable, she was being rational at the start, but once Makuta offered to help her take the throne, she agreed immediately, the only problem she mentioned being whether or not she could trust Makuta. It just isn't a believable turn to darkness, without any setup.
On the other side, and this is something you could easily fix in future chapters, and probably will, is Makuta's lack of motivation. He doesn't have a reason for being here, he offers to "help" Luna inexplicably with something she'd never do, and has shown he doesn't care about anything that was happening.

That being said, of course, this is a good stepping stone. You have a good vocabulary, your paragraphs look good, there's not that many typos, and while the actions are out of character, I can imagine the Makuta from the movies saying this. I'll keep reading, but I'm hoping for more explanations and fleshing out the characters later on.

[Harbinger Of Mist]

Interesting premise I gotta say. This is already holding my attention better than that other fic with Makuta involved. Hell, you even used nearly the same cover art. Just an observation.

I would recommend scanning through for spelling and grammatical errors, as I did find a few, most notably two instances where you used periods instead of question marks.

[Toa Coy]

interesting idea, All I can say never just numbers for anything but dates.

[Edguy0009]

Must. Have. More.

[Zillafire101]

9094407
Well, I'm glade you liked it, but I planned on this being a one shot. I have to admit, I kinda cringe a bit at some of my decisions for this story, but I still view it as needed on my journey as a writer.

[Edguy0009]

9099028
Oh okay, I don’t care about the decisions you made (I’m laid back on such things) even though you do, still would like to have more of it though.

[Zillafire101]

9099393
Well, I have been thinking of actually having another story putting both in the same universe. After my other story is finished, I might pop that bad boy out.

[Edguy0009]

9101002
Okay.