Twilight is hurting me.
She got rid of my friends. She told them they had to leave. But I didn't want them to. She made me take them away. Then she takes me to this scary world that's so dull. Whenever I tell her the voices are gone, she looks a little relived. Why is she so mean to my friends? They never hurt anypony. She says they're hurting me. But they're so nice. I love it when they come back to me. Sometimes I lie to her and tell her that they're not there, but Twilight knows better and she still makes them go away. I feel so cold and alone when they're gone. Why do they have to leave?
I miss my friends. They let me talk to them about my problems. And they're funny and playful too! One time we played a game. It was tag. I don't know how we managed to do it, but we were playing and it was fun until I was locked into Twilight's basement. I asked her why, and she said I was hurting ponies. How did I hurt ponies? I asked her that and she cried and walked away. What did she mean? Who was I hurting? I asked the voices and they made a horrid scene play in my head..
I ran around Ponyville, roaring and swiping my claws at ponies. I managed to bend a brown stallion's hoof in an unnatural way and leave a huge claw mark on a yellow mare. While running, I was knocking several market stands into ponies and I made a few holes in the walls of some buildings. But the one thing that scared me the most was that I was laughing light-heartedly, breathing fire into the air. Then Twilight came, sobbing, and forced me to go into the basement. She then put a strong barrier spell around it. The scene got blurry, and I was back in the basement.
The voices told me that she was crazy too, and thought that what I just saw happened. Is... is my insanity rubbing off on her? I am worried, because now I have to choose between my happiness and Twilight's suffering.
What should I do?
4803736
A few questions,
1. When will everypony read the diary?
2. Will there be a sequel with spike as a u know what?
3. I forgot the 3rd question
This entire chapter could be summarized as what would happen if TF2's Pyro had almost invincible skin and clawed gloves. The big difference here is that Spike realized that his land of colors was everyone else's worst nightmare. I wonder how long it will be before Spike reaches his lowest point and breaks a few bones on impact?
I'm also curious what exactly these voices are to Spike. Are they just random voices of every kind or are they a small collection with specific characteristics? If they are the latter, perhaps they could each reflect a part of his damaged psyche. One could be loud and boisterous to reflect his shattered pride, and another could be incredibly helpful and kind natured to reflect the affinity for helping others that lead to more than a few of his most painful experiences (a prime example being when he became a living pincushion for Rarity.) From there he could slowly recover by recognizing each of them as a part of himself that broke away when he lost his grip on reality. Just a few ideas for you to think about. I'm known to ramble quite a bit whenever I start thinking about something, but whether someone picks something useful out of the torrents of words coming from me or not is another matter entirely.
Ok I was joking about spike becoming like deathwing
4805786 Well, I was in elementary. I once knew a college student who wanted to be a teacher, so she was a guest teacher at my school. I was sitting in my seat after getting beat up, and my head was down. I remembered letting one tear falling from my eye and then clearing my eyes. She walked over and said "What's wrong?"
"I'm depressed." I told her. I couldn't believe how empty my voice was.
"Haha! Yeah right, you don't even know what depression is. You're too young!" She laughed. I looked up at her.
"Yes I do."
"Tell me, then. What is depression?"
And she was right. I didn't know what depression was. I couldn't tell her the definition, and I couldn't quite describe it. It was because I was young. But now... now I have seen so many people's pain and I have learned. I may not have known what it was back then. But I sure knew how it felt.
---
I was in the lunch line at school. I was a bit big for my age, so the bullies loved to tease me. We had pizza and a muffin with a salad. I sat down when a girl who was actually quite chubby herself, came over and yelled "Hey fatass! You don't need all of that. The salad was In a container, and she moved it off of my lunch tray. Then she threw away my lunch. She handed me the small, pathetic sized salad. I was forced to eat the lettuce and carrot salad with no dressing, and I couldn't throw it away. She said she'd beat me up if I did. If I tried to buy an ice cream, she'd steal it and eat it. From then on, I started getting into trouble in school so that I could eat my lunch in the safety of the lunch detention room, and write long essays until my hand was numb.
---
"OOH!" That was what you hear from kids when they someone who'd done something wrong.
"She said the 'F' word!" Now I really hadn't said that, but you know bullies. This teacher was a substitute and she came up to me. I tried to tell her the story, and she told me to go to the office. I yelled at her and got kicked out for some days.
---
I was at the school playground, swinging really high on my swing, when a bully came up to me (They were tall) and pushed me off of the swing in mid-air when I let go of the chains for a little minute. I fell really hard on my bottom on the sand and my spine has never been the same. Not too long later, I got his by a car and landed on my back, breaking my leg and nearly breaking my spine and neck. I find normal positions while sleeping to be very painful when I wake up.
...
Well, I guess you could say I was pretty depressed for about five years of getting beat up and bullied (Read Origin of Egghead) Yeah, I'm pretty experienced when it comes to depression. But I was sent to anger management after I started getting angry when it was too much. Now I am the perkiest person ever! I smile every day. THANKS MLP!
Burn her, Spike. Burn them all.
Hmm... despite all he did, there can still be a way to fix him. Where is Discord?
4806491 Well, since you really want to know...
1. Not giving out any spoilers.
2. Not giving out any spoilers.
3. Don't worry I do that sometimes.
4806578 That's another mystery that could be made into a whole new story.
4806601 Now I am really curious. But since you do not give spoilers (and, honestly, I prefer it to stay like that), I'll stay tuned for the next chapters!
I liked this until you made Spike actually crazy. It takes away from the pathos when it turns out he wasn't really having problems, he was just mentally ill.
4806966 Well he was having problems. They're what drove him into having all of these mental issues.
4806966
If anything it enhances the emotion. The idea that simply not being understood no matter what you tried to say eventually drove everyone to fear and shy away from you, eventually driving you to madness, makes you really hope there is, in some way, a good ending. Because you can only imagine that from Twilight's perspective this is all 'completely without cause'. He's just 'acting up' from the start and she doesn't seem to be trying to figure out why. You would think she'd stop and try and look through his journal for clues on how he's feeling. We WANT him to get better somehow!
4807630 Yes, but that just means all this can be blamed on mental illness. I can see it now; "Spike was never really unhappy, it was just an illness." "Oh Spike, you know that means we need to re-adjust your meds if you're feeling that way." God, if I were him I would have run away a while ago. No suicide, just go out into the world and see if someone can love me.
He's fucking insane now, isn't he?
I think this writer would really be spot on if he/she turned this into an origin story for an evil Spike, then writes a story with evil spike as the villain.
Oh crap, Spike's completely insane now, oh crap, these voices, I don't lije them
the worst thing is that Spike likes them
4808024 Spike really did have a problem with them. It all just became too much for him to handle. He was struggling to get through it but he just lost it. It was just building up the whole time.
4809679 No moneh, but everythin iz gud
Spike has official gone off the deep end and Twilight isn't help the situation.
She is just making it worse.
4806601
This music comes to mind when Spike goes beserk and dragons up.
Suppose he is surrounded by the Equestrian guard, Shining Armor, The mane 6 and the 3 princesses.
Every time they attack or try to subdue him.
Spike will just get back up and becomes more dragon like as he gets angrier.
When it looks like they defeated him, Spike takes on a new form (Alduin or Deathwing).
Twilight decided all hope of saving Spike was lost and tries to use Rainbow power.
Spike catches on and lets out a devastating earth shattering roar. Disrupting the power Rainbows and stunning everypony surrounding him.
Okay, first I thought Spike just have some stupid teenager problem what get more seriously because he is a dragon, but now I see something is really up.
Ok, what's with all this? Why is there no hope for our favorite dragon here?
4809778 I am actually thinking about making a story were spike is the son of either maltgos or deathwing
Well this makes us think of this grim dark rap called midnight about spike killing everypony well done
cant comment. too interested.
4809983 ... You've never delt with anyone with depression have you?
5486446 I agree. with one stipulation. Literally the first thing that anyone with depression learns is to hide anything that could be considered psychosis. Never ever ever ever admit suicidal tendencies. Even if it's true.
They will just make life so terrible that you wish that you had just killed yourself.
None of the medicines that I have taken have been worthwhile. Just pretend until you can stop taking them. The depression is much preferable to the fucked up shit that the depression meds caused.
Hell I ended up addicted to the meds, and that's what really fucked my life up. I could have dealt with the shit from depression, I was never ever as close to suicide as I was on that shit.
Be careful you guys, for depression take everything that occurs with a massive grain of salt. You might need to get the fuck out before it becomes bad.