Help? Who the fuck needs help?
Apparently me.
No... no I don't want help. I DON'T NEED HELP! Fuck Twlight. Fuck her pills. Fuck the doctors who tried to force me into some insane asylum. Fuck Celestia who said it might help. Fuck everypony. Fuck life. Fuck everything! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUCK!
I'm getting tired of everypony Celestia dammit! Fuck this body of mine, I couldn't even kill myself whether attempted suicide or not. When I noticed that my scales were way stronger than usual, I tested them with a knife. In other words, I tried to stab a hole in my arm. Not even a scratch. I tried and tried again. There was no pain. Nothing. And it scared me. I'm fucking terrified. There's no escape. No way to go. I'm trapped, forced to live for thousands of years alone. Dragons are fucking crazy. I seriously heard that dragons have a bit of natural magic, and they can survive in extreme situations. If I decide to starve myself? Well, fuck, I have over 600 years to live without food. Want to drown myself. Well, if I try to drink and inhale water until I die... let's say that it all goes straight to my massive stomach and I can hold my breath for some years. If I don't end up just sitting in the water for years and years, I'll just drink up the entire body of water I'm in. Unless it's an ocean. But I'd still have to wait a long time. Oh, and since I was magically born, I have more of a chance of surviving in harsh conditions than any normal dragon. Fuck me. I'm literally death proof. Dragons were meant to live a long time. Damn you nature!
Anyways, Twilight saw me and freaked out, and immediately said I needed help. Next thing I know I'm getting doctors, sobbing ponies, and anti-depressants shoved in my face. Twilight says she doesn't think I'm crazy. Fucking liar. She was just saying that to get me into that stupid hospital. It's only for 48 days, she said. I only want you to get better, she said. I love you, she said. Fuck that bullshit. That's what they tell every mentally sick pony. She's treating me like a fucking psychopath! I do think that's she's trying to help, but it's still bullshit. I understand that if you see a suicidal pony or dragon and you see them attempting suicide for a second time, then your brain automatically jumps to that conclusion. But maybe if she fully understood my situation, then she'd know how to help me. Just love me and build our broken friendship back up. That's all she had to do. And after all that happened, I would've thought she would've seen it. But she's too blind to see. No book can help this stuff. She needs to put them fucking books down and act from the heart. She's always trying to find the logic of everything. Fuck logic. Don't try to act the logical way. Don't choose your words logically. Just do what's right, dammit! She claims to understand friendship. She's even the princess of it. But she doesn't know about love. She may love her friends, but she is misunderstanding her love for them. She thinks love can be described in words or even in your actions. Love is just there. Love isn't the words you say or the actions you do. It's the feeling of it that makes you say or do what you do. And the feeling isn't butterflies or a tightened feeling in your chest. No, love has never been truly been described. But you know when it's there. And I love Twilight, I really do. I feel it. But she just doesn't understand. Now our bond is broken and we can't fix it until she understands how she feels, how I feel and the situation.
Also, I heard that Celestia is defending me from the nobles in Canterlot. They want me to go with the other dragons and live like that for the rest of my life, outside of Equestria, so ponies won't be harmed. That's... pretty dumb. If I was so dangerous, then Ponyville would be in flames, royal guards would be dead, and Celestia would force me out of Equestria. Everything would be so fucked up. Just like my life is.
My life.
If... if I have to suffer through this then why should everypony live such a happy life. It seems like every pony I see, they're always happy. And if they're not, they always get a happy ending. They don't stay miserable. A Celestia damned mule got better luck than me and he was a loner who probably just wanted to get laid. And thanks to Pinkie Pie, the lucky fucker got it. All of these fucking happy ass fucking ponies are... I can't even finish that thought. I can not describe how pathetic I feel every time I see a big fucking smile that says 'I don't give a shit about anything'! The god of chaos himself has better luck with happiness and friendship than me! Luna wanted too kill everypony by starving and freezing us to death with an eternal night and she's fucking happy! Why the fuck do I always have to wear a fake ass smile on my face every day and these ponies have it so easy? Just...
FUCK!
Spike of equestria you hold great rage in your heart welcome to the red lantern core
Man, Spike could really use a break right now.
He sure says 'fuck' a lot.
...You're kidding me.
Twilight, you have to be kidding.
You cannot be this stupid.
Really cool chapter, I can't wait to see the next one, poor Spike, I wish they simply read Spike's diary, that would make everything easier
Each chapter makes me curious about what would happen if one of the "Mane 6" find the diary
*throws self into research and pops up from pile of books* spike how badly do you want to die?
No we have to make the story more complicated. It makes a better plot. Besides, it wouldn't be a long story if that happened now would it?
4802014 ok you want a idea how about this spike in attempts to kill himself by trying to eat the a piece of the tree of harmony thinking its power will overload his body but instead spike gains the power of the rainbow of darkness
Also maybe This will give you some inspiration
4802219 Well it wouldn't really make sense.
1. How can he die from friendship? Really. How?
2.The power might just make him stronger or something.
3. He probably realises that the plan is futile.
4. DONT YOU DARE BRING THAT FUCKING GENERATION INTO THIS ONE! TIREK WAS ENOUGH!
4802398 ok ok dont bite my head off ok how about these Three come in and say I dont know encourage spike a bit if you know what I mean
4802426 How to say this nicely...?
NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'd rather die than use those three siren bitches! And Equestria Girls, while not as bad as the previous generations of MLP STILL SUCKED ASS! this will be no better! So NOOOO. NO!
4802610 oh ok what about chrysalis "encourages" him instead
At this rate Spike will give into the madness and darkness.
4801423 Hmm, now that you mention it Spike reminds me of someone, but I can't put my finger on it...
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100613141118/mspaintadventures/images/f/f1/Karkat.gif
Use meth and coke wisely my friend.
The Sayer of the Law would probably say that Spike is regressing.
I always hated pills and "mental hospitals".... I don't want to be forced to take a "medicine" that changes the chemicals in my brain to the point where I'm not myself anymore (possibly permanently). And I don't want to be forced to pretty much go to prison for being myself or wanting to do things TO MY OWN FUCKING BODY. People often don't go to mental hospitals for "treatment"..... its often used as a fucking threat by parents/friends if someone has a legitimate problem. ITS A THREAT, NOT A CARING PLACE TO GET TREATMENT.
Funny about this: I counted how many times the f word was used.
How many? It's 30. (I think?)
Angry, depressed Spike is a bad Spike.
But angry, depressed Spike is a good story!