A brave few must defend Celestia from a secretive assasination attempt, even though she thinks of them as no more than paranoid.
Little do they know, they're about to get some help from a parallel timeline... .
Updates every thursday.
Chapters (3)
Arial Blaze
Joined 30th May, 2014 ·
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I hope this story is as good as it sounds
4487657 I hope it is too.
I must commend you on the storyline, it is very good.
The writing, however, leaves something to be desired.
Many grammar errors can be found, and it does help to reread what you write to see if it sounds right. Truth is, if it sounds wrong to others, it will sound wrong to you if you read it yourself (well, that's how it works for me, anyway). Still, it is a very good, if badly worded, story. Remember, there is always room to improve!
4487758 I also have to admit he seemed to jump in head first into the story (which while not a bad thing per se can be done incorrectly). To put it as best as I can, it seems you're a bit too eager to get eh story underway without giving the characters in question too much depth (while unnecessary with people or ponies only in it for a chapter or two at the most, you may want the main characters to have some insight on their 'place in the universe' if you will.) Hope this doesn't come off as preachy.
Uh... can I be in it?
4491989 It doesn't and yeah, this needs work.I'm planning on having more information on the characters themselves in chapter two. Other things that haven't really been explained yet will be explained more later.
Also, I'm wondering, did you read both versions of chapter 1 or just one?
4492029 Perhaps.
The quality of what has been written is by far superior to the original, though the wording still leaves something to be desired.
A good improvement, though.
4492352 The quality of my writing should increase as this goes on, it has been a long time since I've written anything.
Also, could you be a bit more specific about how the wording is lacking?
4492384
I mean the way it reads. Some of it just seems badly worded. For me, it helps to read my own work before I publish, you now, to see if it sounds right. Chances are, if I don't think it sounds right, everyone else won't, too.
It's really something minor that can make a big difference. The best way to describe it would be the 'flow' of the words. Does each word 'flow' well with the next? Does this word/sentence make sense?
Like I said, it's all minor stuff, but it can greatly improve the story.
I believe you can do it.
Now, I wonder why?
If that was normal then I don't want to know what the usual is!
(But at the same time, I DO want to know.)
Also, great improvement in the writing! It's much better now.
Ok Im confused, were they humans with wings or pegasi....? I mean before they got into Equestria, speaking of which they got there through that device thing right?
4522431 Winged humans.They're still humans and got in with that device.
TIME PARADOX!