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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So far so good man
Decent mate, just couple of errors here and there
So far I like the story... I don't know if it's from reading too many romance stories, but I was laughing to myself at the thought of a Midnight/Macintosh pairing. I have no idea why I thought it, and I really had no need to since I am only on chapter two, but I couldn't help it.
They're looking at your butt!
What's this thing Thunderlane said, 'man?'
And if you're from Midnight Blaze's perspective, how would he think about things that other ponies are aware of? And when did Pinkie speak to Mac about decoying Midnight for the party?
When a new character speaks, you must make a new paragraph for the speaker. Replace this with:
"STRIDER!!!"
Thunderlane and Rumble
Those are season 7 characters, were they introduced in the first 4 seasons?
The word you are looking for, my friend, is thatch.
9271998
......
Oh my gosh! Pinkie threw you a party! What a... surprise...
I have no idea how this end up being a surprise for your character considering knowledge of the show and lots and lots of fics, and noticing Ponk's "gasp". It was obvious when and where it gonna happen as soon as Mac proposed to go on a walk 'round the village.
10440203
Probably still recovering from the shock and is probably has other things on his mind. It probably escaped his mind.