• Member Since 27th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen May 22nd, 2014

AwsumSparkel


T

Rainbow Dash has left Pinkie Pie, so she decides it’s time to kill herself. When she can’t do it alone, she decides to get other friends to help !



Enjoy !

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 17 )

Bloody hell! My emotions feel like they've been through a cheese grater. Wow, I am literally speechless. I'm pretty much reacting like Rainbow Dash at the end. Very funny and wacky, just like Pinkie herself.

And after that they had hawt lesbian pony-sex, and Rainbow’s hoo-ha tasted like skittles.

You know, for some reason that just works...:rainbowlaugh:

OMG THAT ENDING ! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Oh boy,I Just Enjoyed This Story.:heart:
It's Like my Brain exploded In To Mcuh laughing ! :pinkiecrazy:
Keep going ! :rainbowwild:

Comment posted by BlinkyPony deleted Apr 27th, 2014

That was utterly hilarious xD


Story is good, but...

Her friends are giving her ideas for killing her self. But on the end it will not happend.

:facehoof:

And, your grammar is really bad... You should geat an editor.

I do like your story, you just need to fix some errors and it'll be great.

Thank you for the deleted comment, by the way; clearly I was quite out of line, trying to be honest. We can't have that on the internet, can we? Nope.

By the way, I also thought it prudent to inform you that your story description kind of kills any sort of guesswork in the narrative. But thanks for telling us potential readers that she'll be alright in the end after all, pal.

img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130921024342/tardis/images/e/e5/River_Looks_Left_LKH.jpg

Kind regards.

~Blinkie

4299821
Eh. To Be True, I am Actually Not Good in Writing a Description. I Only want to write a story. And i don't understand why people look only In the description.I mean,Just Read The Story. Am Not perfect at Anything. But your right you got a point i need to Change my Description and Change it to a Better One. Care To help me ? Am Not sure if i can do it alone...

4299755
I Know it's bad. Am trying To Change It. But i Completly Fail at it. Am Only good in writing Stories.But writhing a descreption is Not My Thing.. If you can help me Maybe the description is gonna be Better.So please help me if you can.

4299916

Hm... I don't really know... I could think of something, but It'll take me some time.

So, you think description is not important? Big mistake. Description is one of most important things in story because it tells reader something about what is happening in the story and it makes people more interested in your story.

And for grammar, I'm not really good at it either, but I'm trying to learn more. You could go in some groups for author support and ask somebody to proofread your story. I'm sure someone will help. Or at least try to find some online spellchecker.

Don't take this as negative comment. I'm just trying to help you.

Well, I wish you luck!

Those downvoters should really think about asking AJ for help :ajsmug:

4299902
Hmm. For starters, a spell-checker is your best friend. Most word processors that aren't WordPad (or god forbid, Notepad) have one, and there are plenty of good free programs out there that will help immensely. LibreOffice is free, comes with a spell-check dictionary, and there's all kinds of other little widgets that people create to make it useful.

Description not important? Yyyyyyno. Wrong. The description is the first thing people will see of your story besides the title and picture (which is kinda creepy, I might add), and helps them judge whether it's worth their time to read, or if they'll just pass over it in search of the next clopfic to fap to. Sad, and I can't say I'm happy with that mentality, but true. I know they aren't exactly easy to write, no, but the best ones are usually the simplest. I see you've taken away the spoilerly line in the description by now, so, that's already an improvement. (I've spoiler-tagged my earlier remark as well; consider that a sign of good faith.)

I ain't much of an editor, mainly because I'm a busy gal, but I can point you in the direction of a pretty good group for proofreader/editing/what-have-you, though there are a lot of 'em scattered here and there. A few quick suggestions, however:

1: A couple of your paragraphs are quite long. One, in particular, near the beginning. And by that, I feel like I'm actually looking at a fifty-foot wall of text. I'd break up those longer paragraphs into a sequence of shorter ones if I were you.
2: It's spelled "Rainbow Dash", separate. Not Rainbowdash.
3: There's plenty of other spelling woes here and there, but like I said earlier, any good spell-checker will light those errors up like a candle, and can then be fixed no problem.
4: Editors. Proofreaders. Pre-readers. I'd recommend those to anyone really, even writers with experience already, so don't think I'm getting on your case specifically. They'll help you and give feedback, fixing errors, suggesting things to improve on, so on and so forth.
5: As for the description, you don't really need to let it be in such large letterfont. That's ultimately up to you, but normal-sized text works just as well and is a lot less "in your face". I see you've done that for your other story however, so if it's a sort of style you prefer, then fine.
6: I've rarely seen this be done properly, but it helps to indent your paragraphs. Fimfic has a handy little button in the chapter editing page that auto-indents the paragraphs for you, so it couldn't be any easier.

Once again, not hating on your story. It actually rather amused me in its audacity; the sort of "We're going to be insane, and darn it, we're proud of it!" mentality. I actual enjoyed this as the random crackfic romp it was, but it just needs touching up in places.

I hope your writing career improves from here on out.

~Blinkie

Bad comment

what da buck did I just read?
the ending though :rainbowlaugh:

Just saying for this dash should become a princess... Cus she was the only one who said that pinkies crazy and not giving her advise to kill herself. Over all funny :rainbowlaugh:

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