A Revolution on the Rise

This story is a sequel to A Young Revolutionary

Canterlot has been overthrown! Celestia has been removed from her seat of power and the ponies of Equestria have taken matters into their own hands. They look to a new leader by the name of Flame Rider who will lead them towards a more prosperous future and absolute greatness. The Revolution Has Begun.

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Comments ( 5 )

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Hilltopony

Hilltopony #1 · Mar 23rd, 2014 · · ·

I enjoyed the overall themes of revolution and the way that in such a short amount of time you were able to convey the nervousness that one feels before a speech.
However, I sincerely request that you develop the story, perhaps create a prequel explaining Flame Rider's rise to power and what Celestia's rule was actually like for the ponies under it, or a sequel explaining how his new government and Equestria itself reacts
Either way I thank you for the short yet sweet story, please keep writing

aCB

aCB #2 · Mar 23rd, 2014 · 1 · ·

Many defective soldiers cheered waving their swords over their heads.

I think you mean "defecting".

aCB

aCB #3 · Mar 23rd, 2014 · 1 · ·

Two main problems with this -

1) Many, many grammar mistakes.
2) This feels like an excerpt from a bigger story. I want to know why this revolution happened. You say Celestia lied. Tell me about it. Politicians lie all the time, why do the ponies care so much about this one? Who is this Flame Rider? What's his backstory? What's his personality like? Why is he apprehensive one moment and a confident tyrant the next?

I get you're going for a Bolshevik type revolution here, but that's an Earth thing. The thing that would make it good fanfiction is how you apply it to ponies. This should have been the climax after several chapters of political debates, character development, and cultural transition.

Rinderin

Rinderin #4 · Mar 23rd, 2014 · · ·

This tale holds many grammatical errors and such but I for one like the idea behind it. I just feel that it is greatly held back by it's lack of character development and that the motive behind the revolution is not as empowering as you had originally thought it was. I suspect that this is due to the lack of explanation and development of such hatred towards their once beloved monarch. I agree with what AClosetBrony said about the need for explanation and development. Grammatical errors are a easy fix, All you really need is to read some guides or just get a friend to read through it. I feel like this story could be greatly expanded upon and holds great promise if explored and explained in more detail Most certainly don't stop writing, push on and keep writing. You'll be great before you know it! :D