• Member Since 11th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen June 20th

GenericPonyName


Comments ( 7 )

Looks good so far.

Bone Crusher seems pretty reasonable for being a psychotic raider, who kills everypony in sight (I wonder how the pegasi and the alicorn got there)

But there are two things I don't really understand yet:
- the title of your chapter. Would you care to explain, pretty please?
- who/what is Bone Crusher? Is he/she/it a a mare or a stallion or some kind of marlion, a swiss army pony if you like.
Though the male parts speak for themselves, the perk refers to him/her/it as a "dark mare", so...:twilightoops:

4115527
Huzzah, my first comment!

The title is a joke, honestly. I explained the story to /foe/ asked for a title because I couldn't think of one, and... The title is It's Not Gay if it's a Feminine Dick. I kid you not. I was going to change it, but I just couldn't think of something to replace it. Later chapters will have more serious titles most likely.

Bone Crusher is what's known as a hermaphrodite. She has both male and female reproductive organs, but she identifies with female pronouns because she's more of a female who happens to have a dick than anything.

I hope I answered your questions well!

4115615
So (he)/she is the swiss army knife.

Just one other question: are the pegasi BC exterminated some enclave ones or just your friendly nieghborhood collection of dashites. For a wasteland grunt like Gunslinger a pegasus shouldn't be a too common sight in the wasteland, so I wonder why he's not wondering.

4115672

Exterminated Enclave ones. The reason Gun wasn't taking too much note of there being pegasi was because he was dumbfounded by the sheer amount of bodies, the same reason he didn't take too much note of the not as rare as a pegasus but still rare Alicorn.

Found a few typos and grammar mistakes. On the summary:

Wether it's bounty hunting, mercenary work, assassinations, getting rid of monsters, or just delivering important mail, he does his job and does it good.

Whether.

Enter one job where he has to kill a psycho Steel Ranger with a hard on for killing, one of the many crazy people that will become his closest allies and best friends.

Since you are referring to someone specifically, I think it should be "closest ally and best friend". Singular, not plural.

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In the first chapter:

I turned my head to the right, seeing the mare from that I seduced into bed last night still sleeping soundly.

From what?

Maremis missile defense system

Maremi's. It needs an apostrophe.

and I was finally at the open gear shaped door of stable 37

Capitalize Stable.

We both jumped at the same time, sailing over the wagon mere inches from eachother.

Each and other needs to have a space between them.

"Stud, huh? I like it!." I was actually starting to like this mares personality a bit, aside from the insane killer part!

Mare's. Needs an apostrophe.

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After just the first chapter I must say I'm liking Tinker and...that's about it. Gunslinger doesn't seem all that interesting, though I do like the mercenary angle. Bone Crusher is just a psycho so far, not really my favorite character type. Though it was just the first chapter so hey.

4360822

Woah that's a lot of grammar mistakes! Thanks for pointing them out, I'll get to work on fixing them. I'm glad you like Tinker, and I can see where one would find Gun uninteresting. I hope that I can make him and the others interesting enough for you to keep reading about their adventures in later chapters!

So this story isn't dead, that's a good thing to know.:twilightsheepish:

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