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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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6481337
Made the edits. Thanks for the catches, and also thanks for your kind words. I try my best to make this story as good as possible, and I hope that you enjoy it.
I'm still pretty much convinced that all of this buildup will end in Mac getting switched and then fucked by half of the crowd there.
I mean, it'd be a pretty big notch in Gunne's belt, to have built up such a big objector too the Caribou rule secretly, just so he could then turn around and "Discover" Mac's "Treachery", backstabbing him and earning himself the respect and adulation of his peers that he can't for a second shut up about desiring. I mean, Gunne is obviously somewhat comfortable with being hated at this point, but that doesn't mean he doesn't desire to be like the "Great" Caribou he pours praise on. So this entire fic could have been his long running, elaborate ruse to catapult himself into a higher standing using Mac as a disposable pawn.
If that's not how it ends, then I really have no ideas on what other big twist there could be. But maybe I'm just being unimaginative.
Rainbow's attitude seems really selfish to me
6507720 who says there's a twist?
6507720 I still find it hard to gauge Gunne's angle here, so I'm almost willing to believe that. God, that would be a depressing blow for one of the few good things in this fanon (in world good, not quality good)
Ouch...
I have been following this story off and on, and I really think it's one of the better FoE fics out there. Because it follows the experiences of Applejack and her older brother Big Macintosh (one of the few stallions to resist the brainwashing). As they try to survive the new order. I could understand AJ's decision to become a red collar instead of a black collar in order to protect her family. And, as the story progresses, she comes to understand that some of her fellow reds (like Rarity) had their own reasons.
But this chapter was pretty eventful as Mac discovers the main event with the Pony Sisters (and Princess Cadence) the main attraction. Especially with the contrast of the Red Collar Celestia and Cadence with the Black Collar Princess Luna (aka best princess pony). Neither Mac nor AJ seem to be having a good time, and I felt bad for AJ when Rainbow Dash declared that AJ couldn't be the real Apple Jack because AJ would never be a Red Collar. Then we break off with Mac about to witness King Dainn's speech, and AJ and the rest of the Mane 6 being the "entertainment". When would this end? Hopefully with the cry of revolution in the air.
Anyway, this is a great story. And it's good to read a FoE fic with a sympathetic male character. Big Mac is truly a stallion among ponies.
Well, I'm still glad you're continuing to a pace of a chapter once a week, but how MANY more parts of the Gala will you be releasing in intervals? Are there like, 1 to 3 or more left? I wager it can't be ending next chapter, especially if the word count of about 10k words for each part continues as such and means that all the violations the Mane 6 will endure will be spread out over a few chapters, if not more. Especially since we have at least one specific one I'm sure will be written out, Applejack's reunion fuck with Ivangir.
As for this chapter, some nice bits about the Fall universe even if it isn't explained in detail in regards to some things. I can't understand this "thing" about Starswirl the Bearded that could've aided the takeover much sooner if not for the Princess(es) as I understand it, but it probably has something to do with a book of his in one of the pics that was to be destroyed or given to Dainn/Discord. That or Gunne is trying to lie to Mac to make him have doubt in the ex-ruler of Equestria... I dunno. While it sucks that we might not indeed have Cheerilee as a part of the finale of this story, Mac did bring up a good point of it being horrifying for them both, if he saw her servicing the misoygnistic creeps who handle her. And referencing Griffinstone from Season 5... what a surprise! Even if they didn't appoint a king (or prince?) of their own after helping to rebuild it first, given its state in canon that I'm guessing was the same before allying with the caribou...
Moving on! So, Lightning Dust took over as captain of the ex-Wonderbolts now called Wondersluts? That's strange, since I thought that was Soarin's title technically, rather than a red-collar mare... much less Lightning Dust! And this line...
I'm not sure what that line by Applejack's thinking implies with Lightning Dust adapting easily to the caribou's way, with an incident like that. Does it mean to say that Applejack thinks by that old stunt she's eager for approval or something? With how she had behaved...
Though it sucks with how it happened, we finally get to see Spitfire (not that I had thought of her even) and more importantly, Rainbow Dash! At least AJ TRIED to explain the situation in passing to Rainbow, but Rainbow more stubbornly than her refuses to believe in her friends still being such, due to her loyalty to the former princesses and Equestria as it once was. It was like a big "Ouch," right in Applejack's feelings. I feel sorry for her... Applejack, not so much Dash, even if it is logical she still wants to see the best in her former fellow Elements.
Though I question Gunne's trying to goad Mac into his way of thinking that women can't keep him smart, as it seems less "noble" than anything else he's done so far. Since that is pretty much what it seems like he was doing... Not as much interaction between Gunne/Mac implying an underlying romance this chapter/part, but it was still good. And Gunne suggesting Mac should interact with males of his own kind again in time (that or males of other species, I'm guessing was implied) does seem a bit hypocritical, even if Gunne actually has a valid reason not to do so with his own species. I just wonder what this all will mean come the end of this story... well, I look forward to the next part soon!
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Funny, I never got that impression from you that THIS is how you thought it would turn out in regards to Mac and his long plan/relationship with Gunne, that he gets busted somehow for what he did if not by AJ refusing to deliver/finish the speech once she starts or some other way at the party, by Gunne turning him in?But I suppose you had your reasons for not saying that, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?And before you ask, I've seen your message a bit ago, but I just hadn't bothered to finish it up, even if I thought I should do so the day I saw it...Whoops, mistook you for somepony else I talked with recently, even if I DID talk with you via PM. My bad! But I still hope that Gunne doesn't go to the length of doing all this, then betraying Mac in front of thousands of ponies, on top of selling out Mac's sister as a "fake red" to the same amount, including her friends and the king.
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Not selfish, but just more stubborn than a donkey. It's part of Rainbow's character, but can be annoying when she chooses not to see more logical reasoning. THINK about it: while Applejack and Rainbow Dash have always been the most stubborn ones in canon, Applejack has over time refused to let her stubbornness not allow her to see the best in her friends and all possible red collar slaves still in this setting (except for Twilight, based on her rep). But Rainbow... she more stubbornly REFUSES to believe based on her element of being loyal, that her friends aren't loyal to her and all red collars (and stallions who follow the caribou) aren't loyal to the old way of things with how isolated she's been from society. And just knowing that her best friends all have red collars symbolizing their holes are open for business, especially Applejack who got one in her direct eyesight only a few months back. From Rainbow's perspective probably: she may be a slave, but she refuses to believe that she will give in like her friends and many others seem to have done, even if by herself she can't do anything about the situation (much less without her wings).
And the TWIST referring to the foreshadowing doozy back in part one? Much like Pinkie's the day of the Canterlot invasion, learning the royal guard were on the caribou's side...
6510920
Agreed, my first thought as I said in my review was along the lines of "Ouch, right in Applejack's feels". It sucks, but she can't say she didn't at least try to explain to Rainbow, since she couldn't last time they met. But she's too stubborn compared to Applejack to see that it is still her friend much like the others, even if she is slightly different, no thanks to the caribou.
6513827
Well said! Though it's not likely to end like that, but hopefully, there's a moderately "happy" ending in a setting such as this, but with what was stated back in part one of this 4 or more part finale, it's possible my long-standing hopes for the end could be wrong. I know this is a "Dark/Sad" story, but held that hope it could end opposite the latter tag.
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Thank you for all your recent comments. I love to see people get well thought out comments, as it shows that my story is provoking some thought, which might be my main goal while writing (even more so than writing out erotica). That said, I do have to admit that the three current chapters were in a bit of a back log. The original idea for the Gala was to have it all completed and then release each chapter one by one. That is where my two month absence came along, as I was still writing during that time, just not releasing. However, it had been some time since an FoE story had released an update, and NCN thought it would be a good idea to put out what I had done already. I agreed, ad so you got the chapters earlier than expected.
The next chapter will be a bit bigger than the others, and thus it will be a while for its release. I'll also state that while the rest of the mane six are part of the gala, the story itself has always been focused on Applejack and Mac. That means that you might not get as big a feature with them as you might like, but there is sure to be something with them that will wet your lips a little.
I hope you enjoy the rest of the gala. I put a lot of effort in planning everything out the best I could, and hope that over all it won't come out disappointing.
6519715
You are most welcome! Though I think you meant GIVE comments, not GET comments with regards to how you said that, eh? I'm just glad I haven't annoyed you perhaps, much less seemed uninterested or something; mainly due to the fact I have not commented on this story since the first chapter, aside from the last four chapters. Even if I have been reading it to some extent when new chapters come out. Nothing against you or long stories, just how I behave sometimes when I read an update to a story I've read before. As that was mainly the reason why, more or less, even if I admit sometimes I tend to be lazy at commenting about things I follow/view: be they stories, pictures, videos, or whatever...
Yeah, I wagered that the remainder of the Mane 6 would not be focused on when the Gala came around, and I see about why you released it. I've also seen about the new story that's resistance-based, even before I had noticed your comment at the bottom (as I roughly skimmed this last part the first time I opened it, to see how it unfolded). I haven't read the new fic yet, but that was cause of some other business that I had to tend to that was a bit overdue (in regards to my birthday which was yesterday, heh). Even if last I checked, it could use some spacing to start with... Though I hope we get a further-down-the-line resistance canon story if possible, someday... but I'm not holding my breath on that, and am in awe of the person who got NCN to at least let that be canon.
I'm most curious still to see what happens in regards to this doozy that's been unmentioned in the story, since part 1 of the Gala section, even if Big Mac doesn't know about it and Applejack's probably forgotten with everything else going on. Though you did reference it in passing this chapter I'm sure, with how one of the others waiting on Rainbow Dash were as jittery as could be allowed under guard watch, if it was Pinkie still having the doozy. As well as how Mac and Gunne's time as friends in the story concludes after all the plotting and scheming, if that isn't the doozy (or something involving Discord, despite his not being referenced throughout the story as far as I've seen, but talking to NCN recently did say the canon stories would tell his tale, yet I imagine not in this one). I do hope his earlier worries about being switched won't come to fruition, if Gunne backstabs him when his guard is down as Cheerilee warned him about...
But I shall wait to see, since you say it'll take longer now and the next chapter will likewise be longer. No pressure btw about me acting along the lines of "next chapter ASAP!", but I'm just eager after a year to see how this story ends... even if I wished one of the earlier set canon stories were finished first before this one, just cause they take place before this one. At least Twilight Falls even if it twists my long-standing favorite pony (not just cause she's the central main character and former student of a princess/ruler) into a mere slave who's less smart than she used to be, and I didn't know how Ponyville would fall (before you saying it in part 1) or if we'd see Spike in more than a small capacity as I first thought. Plus the later-released/set ones that last only a chapter or two don't really count to me, since they're pony holiday-based mostly or entirely. And again, even if it doesn't end in the "as well as can be happy in this type of setting" I had long ago hoped for, despite knowing all stories don't end happily, much less ever after. I do also plan to read your other stories one of these days for real, even if I know they're of similar content to this one with your OC, but they're not as bad as this one (in a small manner, since those that're slaves still have their wings and horns, and it doesn't just apply to females there).
And I shall TRY to enjoy it, but depending on what other twists and stuff you include, it may not be as enjoyable to me! Despite myself not being all that bothered by much within as I recall, but you probably saved the most twisted stuff in this story's "new world order" for the two Apple siblings at the end, hmm?
Just a couple of typos.
I'm really hoping the doozy is just Big Mac and Gunne having hot gay sex.
Keep up the awesome work Schorl. You've got your watchers and readers on the edge of our seats :3
When is the next chapter?
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Actually, a rough draft of the next chapter has been finished and is awaiting editing and approval. If things go according to plan, it will be taken care of on Friday and will be released shortly after.
6624252 Will this next chapter have more clopy parts in it? Reading the past three chapters, it seems like its building up to a "climax".
6626929 Yeah I do not believe Celestia would break so easily, so I am curious about the process.
6628900 Congratulations! You are the 600 commentor, your prize is a funny video.
6630974 Heh, yay! Thanks for the video lol I haven't seen this one before