When Rainbow Dash is finally accepted as a member to the Wonderbolts she become an instant celebrity. Even though she promised herself that she wouldn't let the fame go to her head like she had with the 'Mare-do-well' incident. But spending so much time away from her friends starts to take a toll on her relationship with the rest of her friends. While her bonds with her newfound team grow stronger, her ties wit her old friends slowly vanish. Can a horrifying and dramatic turn of events in Equestria reunite them? Note: I'm a New writer, constructive criticism is always welcome. There will be many chapters to this story eventually.
Chapters (7)
Dayum.
This is a great story so far.
I don't have anything to tell to you except this is an amazing story.
Tracked.
Fav'd.
Upvoted.
SPLENDID!
Hmmm....
Some spelling/grammar mistakes, but that can pass.
Umm...
This is really, really... not good, I guess.
First of all, to start with the writing style, the construction of your sentences is pretty bad; sometimes you put way too many sentences in one, often miss a comma and on top of all, sometimes your sentences don't make sense. Have you proofread this? You have a few grammar mistakes, but compared with the actual writing, it can be overlooked. Look at this for example:
“Don’t worry Rainbow we got plenty of time.” He seemed to have absolutely no concern in his voice whatsoever. He rolled out of his bed and grabbed his bag which, like Dash’s was already packed. “Let’s go Dash, we wouldn’t wanna be late.”
First he says "we have plenty of time" and the next moment he says "we don't wanna be late"? That just doesn't make sense. There are a more senseless parts of writing throughout the story; I know you were probably excited to write this, but don't just go and randomly write sentences that obviously serve no purpose to the beauty of the story. You can do better than that.
I don't know if your original language is English, though judging by this, I'd say it is not. So if it is not, remember to try and keep your sentences more simple and shorter, that can still turn out good; making longer sentences with vague knowledge of English usually can not turn out well (I'm talking from experience here). But if your mother language IS English... well, repeat some of your lessons, I guess. Or read a bit more, that always helps!
As for the story itself, it is really hard to believe everything that is happening. If you happened to forgot, Dash is the Element of Loyalty - loyal to her best friends - she would never leave them without saying a word. In fact, she probably wouldn't even miss for her own welcome party, that she apparently knew of, and go drinking with the Wonerbolts instead. ( I hardly believe anyone in the REAL life would be such a douche
) Why haven't the Wonderbolts come with her, anyway? That would be neat.
Then there's this "feeling of dejection" and the feeling like she wasn't updated on the news in Ponyville - haven't they ever written letters to each other? It really bothers me that you tried so hard to separate her from her friends, when Dash could easily spend 10 minutes of her busy day to read their letters, and maybe even respond to them.
But what really confused me was that she had three freakin' months of winter to hang out with her friends, and all that time she was depressed? Hard to believe, my friend. Rainbow Dash is the type that has trouble keeping her emotions hidden, sooner or later, but definitely in a matter of a week, her friends would notice something was off.
Also, three months time skip with no info whatsoever on what as happening is... just silly to do.
Sorry if I may seem harsh.
So they get drunk, have what I am led to believe is sex, and shrugged it off almost instantly?
static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Not+sure+if+gusta+template.+Not+mine.+Sorry+if+this_4278de_3232692.jpg
360571
Well thanks for the criticism. I will look into editing the story to make it a little more coherent. Also, i wasn't going for 100% character accuracy with this story and Dash in particular. Your comment about Dash being the Element of loyalty is true, however that will come into play later in the story. I was going for the feeling that Dash was caught up in the moment and wasn't making rational decisions because of it. The time during the winter was honestly me being lazy, I'll go back and add that too. But I will look into fixing the problems you pointed out. Thanks.
360578
I don't think i was perfectly clear with the development of that particular situation. I will go back and fix those mistakes when i get a chance. I'm a high school senior with a ton of stuff on my plate right now, finding time is an issue.
I like where this is going
woo im in the first 5 comments woo
oh yeah by the way great work
Creepy
I like this story.
good chapter even though short youll get to being a big hit fic writer soon
383485 Thanks
Damn, this needs more people reading it.
I swear, if I got AT LEAST 200 people reading this, this story might hit front page.
Anyways, very nice chapter! I can't believe I waited this long to read it.
Well. This is quite shocking.
also, at the beginning, it says "people."
Are there people in Equestria? Or ponies?
560146
I can't believe i let that slip.
Oh wow thanks for that catch
Also minor edit to the ending if you're interested.
YESS FIRST COMMENT ON THIS CHAPTER ANYWAYS... OH SHIT SHIT JUST GOT REAL!!!
why is that every good story i read it is all ways incomplete
any cant wait for the next chapter keep up the good work
2094804
I actually just logged in and noticed your comment lol. Thank you for the kind words :)
As for the story i hadn't actually meant to finish it ... 
It is something i've considered for quite a while but my interests tended to shift to music writing right after this was started. I don't want to get your hopes up, but it's a maybe. Thanks again for your kind words :) 