• Member Since 21st Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 7th, 2014

criana


E

Fluttershy notices a color of black on the Elements of Harmony, she doesn't know this but these aren't the Elements of Harmony anymore, they are now the Elements of Harm. What can she do when she and AJ are the only ones out of the 6 who haven't been taken over by this new source of evil.

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 12 )

Uuuh! :raritystarry: I like this! :twilightsmile:

Seemed a bit rushed, but I loved it.
BTW, comma's can do wonders to a story.

I will work on this a little bit more tonight maybe even now! so keep calm and fly on until this gets a new chapter :heart: Mine Disc ( Criana )

K everypony! The third chapter is up but not complete please do not complain I Just dont have all the time in the world!
:heart: Mine Disc ( Criana )

Look around fimfiction for a prereader and/or proofreader
They will help you out a lot in your fiction

when comes the next chapter?:pinkiehappy:

it is a bit to fast paced for my taste

I thought this had potential, and that you just needed to flesh it out and improve grammar...

Unfortunately, this "Mine Disc" character came along.

I don't want to come off as mean or anything, but she's kind of a schoolbook example on how to not design an OC. Like, there's literally no justification what so ever of her existence. If I were you, I'd throw her out, scrap her and rewrite the story without such a character or role. Because all it does is drag down the quality immensely.

If you want to design an OC, I recommend looking up some guides on how to design good OCs. Trust me, it will help.

4179162 well, if ANYTHING, this character will definitley have a better role in the future and I will be working on a new chapter in a few minutes. expect a new and surprising thing to happen next chapter, or mabye in the chapter after that one. I'm still thinking this through and I thank you for the feedback.
:heart: Mine Disc ( Criana )

4191414 The problem with Mine Disc as a character is that she's a massive Mary Sue.

My daughter is a pegusus named Mine Disc she is a new Princess and will control the galaxies with her wings- the most powerful wings in all of Equestria!"

I looked at this new Princess. She had two cutie marks, one a galaxy with a star on top- a star kind of like Twilight's- and a disc from a new videogame. She was friendly and had a nice looking mane and a great singing voice. Luna told me instead of only 6 elements there will now be seven and the seventh element is... MUSIC!

If this isn't an overpowered character, I don't know what is. I suspect that, and feel free to correct me, Mine Disc is your own OC. An image of you, the author, as a pony. Am I correct?

4191834 well, to answer this "Mary Sue" question, in fact she may seem perfect only because I put the good qualities only. Yes, she may have a lot of great qualities and all but has many more flaws than she has good qualities. I will add more of these flaws that are yet unknown to everypony, but they will explain what is going on in the story. It will make it more intense and exciting! I hope this helps, and answers your question. Feel free to ask me anything else or add on to this question.
:heart: Mine Disc ( Criana )

Very rushed and far too fleshed out. Detail would be nice.

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