Blazeblast4
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- z0mbiegunner · 6.9k words · 14 14 · 399 views
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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It's good i'll say that, though I'd suggest an editor and some prereaders to help polish it off against any possible mistakes or discrepencies. So far i haven't found any. Now i'm just going to nitpick, i don't like fics where Chrysalis dies, but with this one... I'll make an exception and follow it for the duration.
Okay, this really doesn't add up. Scootaloo knows way too much for a filly (remember that, for example, the mind altering spell was never discussed with anyone other than some of the mane 6. That's the audience's knowledge, not a background pony's), Celestia is horribly out of control even by show standards, and the reactions are barely stated instead of at least slightly explored. Not to mention, there are typos left and right.
There is indeed something here, but you ought to be more thorough with your writing to make it shine.
3948486 There is actually a reason why Scootaloo knows all of Twilight's little attempts at playing god. The short version is Luna told her during one of their dream chats. The long version is a spoiler. I was thinking of having the characters break off into pairs and discuss the situation on the way to the dining room, but that is probably a little too late. Do you think the discussion on the way to the dining room would work, or should I just edit and rewrite this chapter? My only worry about the rewrite option is that it'll make the chapter drag a little too much. Also, which part is Celestia out of control in? The cutie mark scene was more shock, which I will explain in the rewrite. In The Twilight argument scene, Scootaloo essentially took Twilight's and Cadence's actions and painted them to be as bad as those villains and attacked her through her own belief in friendship. In Celestia's eyes (who has a distaste of changelings from the invasion), Twilight, who she does care about a lot, was torn apart over a very reasonable concern. Would her reaction still be out of control if I better explained it? I was planning on putting off a lot of the explainations so the storry doesn't get bogged down and certain reveals are better spaced out, but that was a bad idea. Thank you. Also, do you think it's okay if I don't give AJ or Applebloom their accents, as long as they still have their speech patterns?
The dialogue and actions were a little too fast paced...
whens next chapter coming
4035193 Now that I got my computer working again, the chapter 1 rewrite should be released on Friday and chapter 2 some time next week.
I wonder what will happen next now that your back to continue on.
Interesting to say the least. I've seen ones with Twilight, Luna/Nightmare Moon and Rarity(To bad that fic was cancelled). Makes one wonder when someone would create one with Flutters or Rainbow, or another Rarity.
This has certainly caught my attention, good things are in the future of this fic if your willing to continue it.
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/595/1262055260350.jpg
I want more of this. Are you gonna explain scoots cutiemark.
5896634 cdn.meme.li/instances/300x300/62359774.jpg
Can I continue this for you? I don't want to wait any more.
So...
When are ya gonna update?!
It has been around a bleedin year
Plz update
4035622
[q]Now that I got my computer working again, the chapter 1 rewrite should be released on Friday and chapter 2 some time next week.[/q]
Sometime next week huh...-_-
I call baloney