Stop thinking, and end your problems

True Luck is a college student who live his life like every other pony. Until one night he has a terrible nightmare, and his world falls apart around him.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

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Zerada

Zerada #1 · Feb 2nd, 2014 · · 6 ·

More?

moviemaster8510

moviemaster8510 #2 · Feb 2nd, 2014 · 5 · ·

“Shit!” Shouted Poundcake as he slammed his pencil to the desk.
“What the hell is your problem?!” I shouted back at my obliviously loud roommate.
“This problem is fucking hard!” he hollers back in frustration. I sigh and trudge over as I had been falling asleep, to help my fallen comrade.
“Dude, really it’s just history.” I mumble.
“Shut up and tell me the answer smartass.” Bigoted Poundcake

Rated Everyone

Mayhem Darkshadow

Mayhem Darkshadow #3 · Feb 2nd, 2014 · 2 · ·

Yeah your rating is way off. Also the formatting makes me want to hurl

Thepointbro2

Thepointbro2 #4 · Feb 2nd, 2014 · · 6 ·

Please continue making these I have a feeling they could get popular.

2D #5 · Feb 2nd, 2014 · 1 · ·

I'm so glad this is in Plan 9

TCValley

TCValley #6 · Feb 2nd, 2014 · · ·

...This is a good idea, and I'll give you that.

I believe this would be a bit more interesting if there was some form of reasonable spacing, and if the grammar was fixed. There are missing periods in plenty of places. Truly, grammar can create or shatter a story.

That, and there are some pretty redundant parts. As an example;

“Then I woke up.” I told the therapist
“Well, that is a very disturbing dream.” Mumbled the therapist

Firstly, there's a lack of periods to show the ends of the sentences. Secondly, "therapist" was used twice in a very small time frame. This causes a form of reading redundancy, making the second "therapist" feel unnecessary (which it is, in reality). On top of that, the dialogue has the same sense of repetition. I mean, it's just: "He said. She said. We said. He mumbled. He retorted." It feels bland.

Perhaps;

“Then I woke up.” I told the therapist.
“Well, that is a very disturbing dream,” he mumbled in response, scribbling a few more words onto his notepad.

You have my best wishes, and a thumb. Good luck, my friend.

Nobody Special

Nobody Special #7 · Jun 23rd, 2014 · · ·

Change the tite from:

Stop thinking, and end your problems

Stop Thinking and End Your Problems

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