It was a winter afternoon, and ponies were dressed warm to keep them selves from getting hypothermia and frostbite. Ponies were going on their usual daily runs and going to work. Fillies were leaving school and the Cutie Mark Crusaders were seen running out of the school house. They had plans for a sleepover for the weekend coming up. As they were walking, they were discussing what they were going to attempt to do to get their cutie marks. Applebloom suggested bowling, but she realize she and the other two did that. They continued discussing until they gave up. "So how about we have a sleepover at your place Scoots." Sweetie Belle suggested
"Uh ummm..... I'm not sure......"
"What's wrong? You chicken?"
"Look i'm not prepare to have a sleepover at my place."
"Scoots your okay?"
"I need time. let me go home. *SIgh*"
Scootaloo sighed and she went on her way to go home. Scootaloo didn't want anyone to know the tragedy she went through when all her family members past away, leaving her brother to go to jail. Scootaloo didn't want anyone to realize she was an orphan. I don't want them to know. They will hate me for telling lies about my parents. scoots thought to herself. Scoots began to head her way to sugar cube corner in a sadden state to have a quick bite before heading back to her so call home
Golden Oaks Library
In the library, Twilight and Rainbow were seen goofing off. Ever since Rainbow proposed to Twilight and they married each other, Rainbow gave up her house and decided to live with her alicorn wife. "*Giggles* Rainbow you know, I think i married the perfect mare to be my wife." Twilight said
"What can i say, You are a beautiful mare too. I'm glad I married you."
They began to giggle at each other and proceeded to kiss. They kissed like they had they had the whole world to themselves. As they kissed, they del their breath became warm. Rainbow backed up and proceeded to take her guard armor off. When they got married, Rainbow became Twilights first royal guard and couldn't help but feel great about it. "Now where were we. Oh I remember." Rainbow said teasingly. Rainbow began to give Twilight kisses, Spike came in looking for them, which caused Rainbow to jump. "Gee, Spike, knock next time." Rainbow said in a irritated manner
"Sorry. I'm still getting used to two mares being here. Anaway, Sweetie belle and Applebloom, are looking for you Twilight. They said something seems up with Scootaloo. They think she's hiding something."
"Okay i'll be down their. Rainbow i'll be back for round 2."
With that Twilight went downstairs to see what the CMC wanted. As she went downstairs she saw not only two of the three CMC, but Applejack and Rarity. They all had a conceded face. "Whats wrong?" said Twilight
"We...we were planning a Sleepover at Scoots place. But she said no."
"It's probably because her parents say no."
"That's the thing Twi. Every time we see scoots, She's by herself Every time when school ends her parents don't show up, not even at meetings. She even didn't give us any detail about her parents. all she said was that they were the best parents she had."
when hearing this, something clicked in Twilights head. "Say that again Applebloom. about the part with best parents."
"all she said was that they were the best parents she had."
Twilight now realized what scootaloo was hiding. She realized that scoots was hiding the fact that she's an orphan. Twilight was shocked upon hearing this. "Girls, i recommend you get yourselves and your sisters home. Me and Rainbow are going to find her." Twilight said
The sisters nodded and head their way back to their homes. Twilight, put on her jacket and ran upstairs to get Rainbow Dash. "Rainbow put your armor back on. We have a problem."
"Aw Twi, we were going to start round 2. What's wrong Twi?"
"I've found out something about scootaloo. we need to find her. I'll explain when we search for her."
Rainbow nodded and then proceeded to put her purple armor on and put her jacket over it. Twilight then casted a cloak spell on both her and Rainbow and proceeded to search for scootaloo.
8:00 PM
abandon house
Scootaloo just finished a decent meal at Sugarcube corner with her bits and she proceeded to head back to her current home, an abandon home on the outskirts. As she Walked in, she put her bags down and went into her so called room. In her room she then grabbed a old letter that she open certain times. She now was crying. Mom, Dad, why did you have to die in that accident? she said to herself. Suddenly She heard a noise, and a sound of magic being lifted. She then saw two shadows coming up the stairs. As the Shadows open the door , she noticed it was Twilight and Rainbow Dash. They were shocked to see where scootaloo ended up.
"Squirt? Why? Why didn't you tell us the truth? Why didn't you tell anyone you're an orphan?" Rainbow said in a gentle tone.
Scoots then had tears in her eyes. Her secret was out. Twilight felt bad for the filly, the poor thing was left to defend herself. She then glimpsed at a letter that scoots was holding. "What's that" Twilight asked."
"*Sinff* My one last letter, from my mom, before...before....she died."
Both Rainbow and Twilight looked at each other. They now figured out Scootaloos mom must of died when she was young. Twilight nor Rainbow wanted to leave Scootaloo in this house. Twilight walked up to Scootaloo. "Hop on my back. we'll take you to the library. You can stay with us, until we decide what to do about the situation."
Scootaloo was shocked, Twilight offered a place for her. Without resisting, she hopped on Twilight's back and the group headed back to the library.
Library
At the library, Twilight was making Scootaloo hot chocolate, while Rainbow got Scootaloo a blanket. She was very cold. Scootaloo was now wondering why Rainbow was here. Um... R....Rainbow?" Scootaloo asked
"Yea squirt?"
"Why are you here?"
"I....I live here with Twilight now."
"What happened to your house?"
"I sold it."
"Y...you still have your job as a weather pony?"
"I retired."
"Oh. Well i guess you're still in the wonderbolts academy."
"I dropped out. I wanted to be with my wife, Twilight. I'm also her royal guard."
As she finished her sentence Twilight came to scootaloo side and gave her the hot chocolate and she began to drink it. She was still cold but the Chocolate was helping her warm up. After she finished drinking it Twilight then took the cup to the sink and came back and sat by scootaloo along with Rainbow Dash. She saw the tears of pain in Scoots eyes. "Scootaloo, What happened to your parents?" she asked
"I never told anyone this. When i was little I was home alone one day in ponyville, I was waiting for my mother and father to come home. No one was home at the time, my sister was murdered by a rapist, my grandparents past away when i was young, I have not aunts or uncles, and lastly my brother ended up in jail, because he was a Stallion for hire to kill and gets payed for it."
Twilight and Rainbow both were stunned what they learned about scootaloos brother. He was a Hitpony.
"I....It wasn't until later in the evening i got a letter, from......from my Mom."
"A letter?"
"Want me to read it for you?"
Both Rainbow and Twilight nodded and Scoots began to read the letter.
My angel Scootalooo
By time you read this, me and your father have passed away.
Your father was killed in a flight accident while I survived but died in the hospital.
I want you to know you are the only remaining member of this family.
Please, stick up for yourself. We be watching over you from the afterlife.
Dust Storm
Twilight and Rainbows hearts were now broken. They now realized that scootaloo is the last remainder of her family. They felt hurt inside for the filly. She was left to fend for herself. They couldn't believe how the filly was still alive. Scootaloo than began to shed tears a little and Twilight began to rub her back. "Its okay scootaloo." Twilight murmured .
"My parents are dead. My families gone. What point is their being okay."
Twilight and Rainbow felt very bad for Scootaloo. Scootaloo life was ruined. They needed to figure out something. Suddenly Twilight hit an idea. She could give Scootaloo the guest room. She didn't want Scootaloo to suffer anymore. "Rainbow, honey, can you show Scootaloo to the guest room?"
"What ya mean Twi?"
"She is gonna stay here until I decide what i'm going to do."
Scootaloo eyes widen and she looked at Twilight. "you mean it?"
"Yes scoots. I'll figure something out during the week. I promised. but for now, why don't you hit the hay."
Scootaloo nodded. She was very tired and Rainbow led her to the guest room. In all of the time Twilight was here, she never knew scootaloo hid something from em. She never knew scootaloo was homeless, Twilight was now thinking hard, she was deciding if adopting Scootaloo was an option and becoming her mother, and Dash becoming her sister in law, she knew that would make Scootaloo happy. But right now, Twilight needed time to decide what to do for the poor filly."
yay my username is in the Author's Note and i like it i can't wait for the next chapter come out and future chapters for this story
Like the Idea, but you cant tell me the scootaloo just flat out says this horrible stuff in front of those two without a subburn fight. but thats just me.
Not particularly good storyline and the character dialogue wasn't really in-character.
3754555 Don't get me wrong, I'm still new to this. That's why.
Hey dude I really like the story, but it looks like a little help could potentially make it better. If your interested I'd like to be your editor.
3763856 Okay. but this is the first time someone offer to edit.
Wait Twilight is married to Dash. Twilight is going to adopt Scotaloo. So how does that make Rainbow her sister in law, that would make rainbow her mother as well.
3766572 I made it for Twilight to be the mother and Rainbow The sister in law, so It won't get confusing on the mother roll
should be no
and should be I promise. welp this is pretty good don't expect me to see all the errors lol
3768048
If Twilight's the mother and Rainbow's Twilight's spouse, Rainbow should probably be the father.
I'm only just starting to read this and liking it so far, but i have found something that's making it a little difficult to follow and I'm not even out of the library yet.
"We...we were planning a Sleepover at Scoots place, But she said no."
"It's probably because her parents say no."
"That's the thing Twi. Every time we see Scoots, she's by herself. Every time when school ends her parents don't show up, not even at meetings. She even didn't give us any detail about her parents. All she said was that they were the best parents she had."
When hearing this, something clicked in Twilights head. "Say that again Applebloom. about the part with best parents."
until twilight said appbloom's name, i had no idea whether it was the fillies talking or their big sisters and who'd said which of the two fillies had said what. you need to make that more clear.
okay, will read on but scoot had a sister that was killed by a rapist?
her brother was a killer for hire
i didn't think I'd find anything worse in terms of morality in the story than scoots parents in "I'll always be here for you", but i think i just did
finished reading now. its very touching and so sad.
i will keep reading other chapters, even though I'm more for appldash than twidash, I'm liking this story so far
All right time to be harsh with you bud one there were lots of missing letters and miss spellings it's not all ways such a bad thing mind you just letting you know and secondly you jumped the gun man you made them find out way way way to fast and some of your words are wrong I'm assuming english isn't your first launge again though for really dude you made this story way to fast I suggest heavy revision. I don't tell you this to be mean but to help you improve I'm makeing my own scootaloo fic so you mistakes help me two :P oh and wouldn't marring twilight make rainbow dash a princess to like marring into royalty?
3763856
Dang I wish ponys would offer to just edit my story's lol I won't ask you to cause this to needs help but nice work helping another bro out /)
Well, since you've been polite so far, I'd like to try and teach you a few things and give you some tips to improve your general writing. First off, you see the quoted section below? I want you to take that and highlight all of the errors in red (highlight the mistake and click the colorful wheel at the top of the comment box, then pick red), and once you do that, I'll show you the rest and then proceed to go from there.
Also, I don't want some bullshit answer saying that you can't find anything wrong with this. I know you can do it!
4058110 You mean, other than the fact that this is 200% Spaghetti?
How the heck can the mom write the letter if she died in the hospital?
4058124 Well Starting on ch 2-present I got edittors. Turns out my grammer is slightly bad.
4058176 She wrote it before she passed away and then had it sent to Scootaloo. If her mother was in the hospital for a couple of days, then passed, it would be easy for her to write a quick letter in that time.
4058180 Why don't you revise ur story?
To much to fast, its hard to care about what going on when the story reads like foot notes for a story. Try focusing the sad lose of her family to one event rather then multiple. The brother sister and parents are tossed out like a bad hand of cards rather then a dark past. I would stick with just one or two of the events as the brother one feel like its just shoved in for the sadness. Or take the sister one out and hold the brother for a surprises ark down the line. You'v got good writing skills as it is easy to read, just the story reads way to fast for all that's suppose to be going on.
4058176 She wrote just before she died. duh ;)
First off,
I like the story because I love TwiDash, Scootadopt ficts.
Secondly, there's alot of errors in here. Grammar, word choice, Improper sentences, not writing complete sentences. There's alot of things to be fixed.
I can help you with that and I have a friend who is one of my proof readers that can fix the grammar and another friend who is also a proof reader can look over the chapter and determine what needs to be fixed, filled, or removed.
Like I said, I'd be more than happy to assist in the story. I suggest though that some of the chapters(or all of them. I just started reading) get re written. That is why the like/dislike bar is getting bad. I find it shameful that people would dislike a story because of grammar. It pains me so much because NOPONY deserves to be mistreated. They just need help.
However, that is completely up to you bud. Can either heat my advice and let me help you or, you can do this on your own. I'm only offering what's best for you and the story.
I will agree that the first chapter was rushed. There's alot of gaps that could be filled with dialouge and explanation of how and why Scootaloo became an orphan, getting to know who her parents were and why Scootaloo was hiding her secret. I don't think starting the first chapter off by the CMC asking Scootaloo for a sleepover was a good idea.
Also, their should be corrected to: there.
Their is possessive. There is non possessive.
Check your spelling and capitalization also. Always double, even triple check your work before you post a new chapter. It can get confusing for your readers. Do you have any proof readers? Cause like I said, I have a couple who could help you. Just think about it.
Anyway. That's all I got for now.
Ta Ta.
ok ok ok so I like the story idea but the grammar the fact that they were even able to take a wild guess and actually find scoots before she got home and were able to follow her there even if they were invisible there is still the sound of trotting and the 6th sense of some one being there the fact that scoots shared her story with no fight at all the moment where she goes from crying over her parents being dead to REALLY?! in a split second when shes offered a place to live makes the scene feel fake to me the fact that rainbowdash quit the job her cutie mark says matches her the best makes no sense twilight wouldn't let her do that the fact I don't even ship it I honestly think rd goes best with fluttershy but that's beside the point, the fact that twilight said adopting scoots making her, scoots mom and her wife rd scoots sister in law was, I, I don't even have words I had to stay awake for 2 days to even be able to read the story in its poor grammar and lack of quality and it still bugged me...
So Twilight and Rainbow Dash are faggots?
So Scootaloo´s Mom wrote in her letter that she died in the Hospital?
7786000
why say that that is rude and offensive next time say something good about this story
I feel bad for scoots :'(