- Member Since 20th Sep, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 9th, 2020
Pyromaniac
Back after being in a coma for four years. Call me Henry, I write about horses with multiple personalities and anxiety.
Pyromaniac
Joined 20th Sep, 2012 ·
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- Inkwell_the_writer_horse · 5.2k words · 17 5 · 1.4k views
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Wait is Knockout a Slaver or a Raider? They're two different things and the title and the description are different because of this. Understand Raiders raid settlements, caravans, or whatever for one reason or another. Whereas slavers enslave ponies for money, enjoyment, or again whatever. I'm not saying there can't be Slavers who raid and vice versa I'm just wondering which of the wasteland scum he legally falls under. Still love the concept though trying to train scum to be able to be a part of normal wasteland society. Have a pinkie because I don't think I've seen that concept before.
3734433
He's a slaver, but I guess he'd also be a raider. RIPTID3 would probably know better since that's his character.
3734602
Understand I was mostly asking because most people see Raiders as irredeemable monsters who yell random things. Whereas Slavers are just normal ponies who enslave others. So you wouldn't really need to train a slaver just keep them in check.
3734829
Heh, yeah.
Meh this was ok
3740566
It's not for everyone, I guess.
I like this guy better than two bits
3740597
Knockout is fucktons better than Two Bits, I won't lie.
3740618 well if two bits gets more badass I think this fic will be perfect
3741482
She's going to go through A LOT of growth in this fic.
3740597 I'm flattered you think that way.
I had to stub my toe so many times to reach Knockout's level of anger.
Hmm, interesting.
I don't think the journal structure works very well for a fallout: equestria fic, though. It just doesn't give us enough information; it tells us what happens sure, but what about the little things? Reactions speak louder than words, ya know.
All in all 7/10. Iz good.
3742967
We were going for perspectives no one has done before, but I see what you mean. Thank you, though.
Saw the cover art on DA, and decided to check it out. So far, I actually enjoy the dairy style you've used. It's very unique, and it's also written fairly decently to boot. Sadly, I wasn't hooked enough to stay on it, or keep up with it. However, for what you have out already it kept me entertained. Which is a big plus on its own.
I like your characters, they are for the most part their own personas. They each have a different personality, and way of thinking. (For the two character entries you have out at the moment.) Their inner thoughts are neat to read, as their personalities carry you through this.
I personally wouldn't have stuck with this dairy entry style. It can be nice for maybe a one-shot, but to use it as an overall storytelling narrative is a little hard to do. It can be done, but I warn you, be cautious as you tread the shallow ice. Overall, it's nice and worthy of a like. I don't think I'll favorite it though.
- Noakwolf
3747955
Thank you for your input.
I hope we can manage the diary part, myself. It's been a bit of a challenge for me already, I'll admit, but getting into the character and writing it like she would is extremely fun. Maybe we can someday convince you give it a fave, but even a like is much appreciated! 
Well, I fucking think you fucking use the word fucking too fucking much. Seriously, it doesn't help flow of the story. It also waters the word down until it is meaningless. You should also try some implied vileness. The "graphic" descriptions for the rape and murder of the second slave mare failed to convey any emotion, or real terror.
I liked your drawings though. That's why came here.
3748060
Who the fucking fuck can fucking think that fucking one can fucking use the fucking word fuck too fucking much?!
Haha, I get your point, though. I shall bear it in mind.
It's all going according to plan.
3748060 When you get mad you tend to say the word fuck a lot.
I actually had to get myself mad enough to get in character.
It didn't go as planned...
Anyways, it's only for the first few chaps.
Awesome start to the story, really looking forward to the next chapter
3751155
So glad you like it!
3747955 I like the dairy style too
3751949
Wheee, I guess we did something right while making this!
pretty good so far
3753240
Glad you like it.
3833280 tank chu
So lets me read this little thing... *five minutes later* Okay you need some help here.
For the first is this way way way to fast paced, mostly because what you are trying to do is something that we the reader should react on, but reading that she lost her eye did just made me go "meh". We do not know the character properly, we do not know her personality, we know nadda, and that is not good for ones first character. After the first character should you at least know enough so you want to go on, but with this fast pace is that not going to happen for me.
I do know that this isn´t what you want to hear, but if I was you would I rewrite it all, slow it all down so she just are falling for the zebra in the end of the chapter and then lets shit hit the fan in the next chapter. Beside that would a pre-reader properly help you with your pacing and how to add more content in general.
Nitpicks
" I love prospecting, which is a nicer word for scavenger. " You should properly change your "scavenger" into another word, it is not really making any sense that we are going from an adjective to a noun like this.
" today was my eighteenth birthday" Should be an "is" instead of was, it is still present tense after all
"No, oh fuck no! The stallion… he’s a… oh, fuck, he’s a slaver. I… I need to get my stuff back… oh, crap, he can see my necklace glow. SHIT!!!" This does not really work, you would not give yourself time to write like this in a situation like that. Beside that are ellipses and shuttering rather meaningless in a diary.
"calling her the perfect sex doll" saying toy instead of doll would properly be more effective. Doll is after all a half positive word in an odd way
3859475
Thank you for your input.
I like the tones of this story. Mind, there are some pretty clear issues too, but I really like the way the characters "talk."
4498519
Thanks!
Aww...
4942935
Hhhhgggggg, don't make me feel bad for this.
I've just been having problems writing, have limited time on my computer which I prefer to draw, and on top of that, I've been asked to animate for Stable-Tec. I might continue someday, but the chance is slimmer than a starving wastelander.
4943366
That's a group that's trying to put together a Fallout: Equestria game, isn't it? That's pretty cool.
Don't worry, I'm not here to give you shit.
4943446
Actually, retract that statement about Stable-Tec. The guy ended up revoking the invitation under the pretenses of I'm not a good enough animator yet, despite the fact he offered to let me join. So, yeah.
And thank Luna! So many people have whined about how I should keep going anyways. You are a good person, I like you.
4958646
Not really. I haven't updated my own stories in months... like, some not since December.
4958654
There are a couple I haven't updated for about a year.