“I have lived a long and beautiful life,” Chrysalis mused with a sad smile. “I have seen sights leaving the average being speechless. I have seen majesty that would leave the richest noble on the planet envious. I have seen horrors that would make Nightmare Moon herself quiver in place. I thought I had seen it all. But this...” Chrysalis rested her head on a hoof in defeat. She was sitting on the cold floor while the fill out form rested on the seat in front of her. “I can’t do this! I have been in the minds of griffons, tatzlwurms, and on one occasion, butter toast.” She lifted the cursed piece of paper telekinetically to show it to help desk TD who was busy texting away on a phone “But this. This… this…”
“Fill out form,” help desk TD finished without taking his eyes off the phone.
“Yes, thank you. This fill out form, such a small and deceptively simple piece of parchment is the single greatest mental defense mechanism I have come across in my life.” She marched over to the imaginary human and slammed the paper on the desk. Curiosity and fear of the unknown etched on her face. “What chronic state of cruelty has your race endured to establish such horrifying mental discipline? I must know!”
Help desk TD shrugged. “I stubbed my toe once.”
Chrysalis sighed in defeat. “It doesn’t matter,” she said and looked at the ceiling in hopeless melancholy. “I have been bested by a piece of paper, for the first time and last.”
Hearing that, help desk TD stopped texting. “Wait,” he said, turning towards her, “this is the first time you’re filling out this form?”
Chrysalis nodded.
He groaned. “Good grief, you haven’t even been to the orientation yet have you?”
…
“What?” was all Chrysalis could say before help desk TD face palmed, and stood up and walked over to a door which she hadn’t noticed for some reason and opened it. He stepped aside and waited for her to enter.
“Well what are you waiting for, an invitation?”
Chrysalis looked deep into the mystery room. It was dark and there was no light in sight, even if she squinted. “You want me to go in there?”
Help desk TD raised an eyebrow. “The others didn’t have problem stepping inside.”
Chrysalis not wanting to attract suspicion, decided it be best if she complied. As she stepped inside the darkness, help desk TD slammed the door behind her receiving an audible squeal from the other end.
“Trainees…” He complained walking to the desk. “For once I wish they weren’t so hopelessly stupid.” He sat on his chair and leaned back. “Especially that one. But for some reason, I can’t help but think there was something off with that--“ He paused before his eyes snapped open in sheer horror “No…” was all he could whisper from his quivering lips as realization struck him like a lightning bolt. “No.” he stated as he ran to the door only finding it locked. “NOOOOO!” he yelled with all his might collapsing on his knees in front of the door. His eyes going bloodshot for not blinking in his state of shock, he roared as he raised his hand to the heavens with might great enough to make the gods cringe.
“YOU STOLE MY PEN!”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“I don’t think we should be doing this,” I told dearest Luna and Cadance who were huddled up near the high-tech contraption eyeing it curiously. “It is an invasion of privacy.”
“Nonsense, sister,” Luna replied. “Privacy has never been an issue when keeping our subjects safe and sound.” She gently ran a hoof along its smooth surface.
“And since TD lives on Equestrian soil,” Cadance continued, “he is technically an Equestrian citizen and therefore, one of our subjects.”
Their reasoning may have been sound-ish, but I doubt it made a difference. Luna had found TD’s ‘labtop’ that he had brought along with him to Canterlot. Luna and I had always been intrigued by human technology, and Twilight’s letters about this mysterious device added to our curiosity even further. Apparently, Twilight had been sending these letters to Cadance as well. As much as I would have killed for the opportunity to examine this piece of the human race’s ingenuity closer, I respected TD too much to touch his belongings behind his back, hopelessly in love with him or not.
“I don’t think that applies to TD,” I insisted, though my eyes were on the laptop.
Cadance slowly and gently opened the device’s screen with her hooves, “It flips opens like a book! What a clever design choice, and look at all these keys!”
Luna stared at her reflection in the black screen. “Tis like a Griffonian typewriter from the future. Celestia thou must come and see this. There might never be such an opportunity ever again!”
I stared at them with great envy, but looked away, “It would be too demeaning,” I told myself as I heard the artificial welcoming melody play almost as if it was calling me towards it, “And besides, I’ve read all of Twilight’s reports on it. What’s there left to learn?”
Of all times, Cadance chose now to answer me. “Ooooooooh! Aunt Luna! Get the popcorn; TD left a movie playing.”
…
Ok, technically speaking, it wouldn’t be a morally wrong idea if I kept my distance and maintained a steady observation on the laptop. Someone needed to make sure Luna and Cadance didn’t damage it in any way. Right?
“Bring me some as well!” I called out to Luna as I sat next to Cadance, my calm smile betraying the inner filly doing somersaults in my mind, giddy with excitement and curious to learn about the human film industry.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“This is… interesting.” Chrysalis said to herself as she found herself teleported from dark foreboding abyss, to a room full of TDs walking to and fro. Some were carrying around large stacks of paper, some were arguing with other TDs on cellphones, and some were in cubicles furiously typing away on computers.
“And just who the heck are you?” Chrysalis turned her head to the left and found a TD with his arms crossed, tapping his foot furiously on the tiled floor waiting for an answer. “Well?”
Completely lost, Chrysalis answered, “I’m here for the orientation?”
“That was hours ago. Where the heck were you?”
Chrysalis shrugged, causing this TD to facepalm, “Trainees…” He groaned. “Alright, you’re gonna have to wait until the next orientation. Until then...” TD gestured her to follow him which she did.
He led her to a vacant cubicle holding an old PC. He knelt down, fiddling with the wiring before the screen lit up. “Alright, you can use this to get a gist of how things work around here, but you don’t have the authorization to make changes yet due to new protocols.”
Chrysalis raised an eyebrow, “New protocols?”
Exposition TD sighed. “A few months ago, Luna hacked into the system and started snooping around. The boss wasn’t very happy about that and we had to set new protocols to make sure she didn’t do anything stupid… again. For now, you can only look through memories originating from Equestria. Is that clear?”
Chrysalis nodded and exposition TD gave her firm pat on the back. “Welcome to the system.” He said before walking away leaving her alone. Chrysalis waved farewell with a hoof, confused and thankful for his help. She then turned to the PC browsing around until she eventually found a file labelled ‘Celestia’ “Now,” she said to nopony in particular, smiling. “What do we have here?”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The room was dark.
…
Why was the room so dark?!
“It’s just a movie. It’s just a movie. It’s just a movie,” I repeated several times in a low voice with eyes wide open. For a being that lived for millennia, it may have been degrading to be seen in such helpless demeanour.
“I am the night. I am the night. I am the night. I am the night.” Lucky for my dignity, another being in the room that lived for more than a thousand years was reciting her own prayer several times. Luna was hugging me tightly from the side, shaking more than me. Her eyes were also glued on the screen playing the movie. I may or may not have hugged her back for the same reason.
We finally reached the last scene where the silhouette of the despicable, spine severing villain fades into the distance, and the credits roll. Silence reigned in the room for almost a minute before yet again, it was shattered by Cadance.
“That was amazing!” she cheered stomping her hooves on the floor in excitement.
Luna and I looked at each other, then at her. “Amazing?” we asked in unison.
She nodded excitedly, “Of course! Can’t you feel the blood pumping? The adrenaline flowing? Your spine tingling?” She hugged herself, uttering an excited squeak. “Human movies are so cool! There’s still lots of time before bed. I’m going to put on another.”
I looked at the clock. It was 7:30. Luna nodded as if she read my mind and we left to raise the moon and lower the sun. Both of us had the movie fresh in our minds. “Luna,” I asked my sister “in case I have nightmares tonight…”
She smiled “We have thee covered Celestia.”
“You’re a good sister Luna,” I smiled.
She smirked playfully “We know.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“Flowers and chocolate,” Chrysalis whispered, baffled, as she witnessed Celestia’s first date in TD’s perspective end. “You won over a princess of Equestria who you punched, not once but twice with FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATE?” She leaned back in her seat holding back a scream, not believing how much time she had wasted. “THIS IS… This is... This is,” she sighed in defeat and admittance. “Genius...”
Chrysalis let out a sigh as she sat there, staring into space for a few moments before she hopped off the seat, exiting the cubicle. She wandered around the room looking at every TD she came across. “You have got to be kidding me…” She said to herself as she lowered her head in shame. Eventually she made her way back to where she started in the waiting room.
Help desk TD was waiting for her. “You…” he hissed standing up and slamming his hand on the desk. “YOU STOLE MY--” He was interrupted as Chrysalis telekinetically froze him and levitated him near herself. She grabbed his face with a hoof and turned it to the left, then right observing it with humiliation and rage written on her face.
“Well played, Powell,” her horn grew brighter and brighter causing help desk TD to shield his eyes. “Well played.” The light died down and when he opened his eyes, she was gone.
There was a pen left in her place.
Human Bureaucracy: Bane of Changlelings!
Hilarious! Absolutely hilarious!
Nice chapter.
So…she return to the real world, empty handed HA! the human mind is a mystery even to us, NOBODY can crack it…unless he can bend all the rules of physics of course.
Also…when did Luna invaded his brain?
Well at least she gave him back his pen, also sometime even the simple things can make anyone feel something for another, in this case chocolate and flowers.
To clarify with this scene, the 'she' mention there is Cadence, while the narrator is Celestia right? There's three shes in the scene but only Luna is mentioned by name, so I had to guess who of the other two was saying what.
Paper work....
5032550 Since Cadance was the last pony to be mentioned in the last paragraph i.e. the one prior to the paragraphs you mentioned, shouldn't it be clarified?
5032615
Oh, derp. Somehow I totally glossed over her name.
Now I feel dumb.
5032625 We all make mistakes. I should know, this is my first fic.
dat incest doe
I hope they're watching the LOTR trilogy next.
That shit's good.
5033031 Why oh why is princest best incest?
I love it when authors make these stories so freaking hilarious 5/5.
im so judging you, so hard.
5033535 MAKE IT STOP!!!
5033553
never! not until i get to read about chrysalis falling for TDs charms!
Can I judge you for this?
5033879 *sigh* Go ahead.
Hm, I'm honestly not sure what Chrysalis was expecting considering how much TD has gotten away with up till now.
<Sits in back, quietly not judging>
Our judging of you is so big...
golance.ru/media/commimg/orig/zpu/ekz/6t2/ztewqec61.jpg
P.S. Hope for the ship of Winona and Tom.
*judges fiercely*
5034180 Consdiering beat the shit out of him and got away with it, I think it's fair.
5032222 Imagine Discord going through this, so much order and bureaucracy would make him rage quit.
5034728 touchè
5034732
Oh MAN! No wonder Celestia loves him, the ultimate ally for trolling Discord!
5035366 reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/technically_correct_futurama.gif
IamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenightIamthenight
5033256 The fact that someone thinks my work is amusing motivates me to know end. Thank you for making my day.
5043786 The way I saw it, Cadance combined her love magic with Shining Armor's shield spell. That's how they took ut so many changelings in one blow. Cadance only has to deal with one Changeling i.e. Chrysalis.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/833/638/b76.gif
5034732 Sombrero would give up too. Mind control would be ineffective on him.
5046506
It was the episode they here in Basingse and tried to infiltrate the palace to talk to the emperor, or the episode before that.
Never expected TD's mind to be so organized and hard to crack.
5506118 Personally I would have found it funny/ hilarious if the bureaucracy card was played and she went from one TD to another filling out one form after another for a form which never existed, which all of the TDs would know about, and so would be able to tell a mental intruder from a native by their following of protocol and filling out reams of paperwork for a form that never existed. And if the intruder tried to pull any magic crap, then they could (the TDs) access all kinds of powers from various movies he'd seen, because since it is his own mind, then he can be as strong and invincible as he wants to.