From the Publisher’s Office of Books and Crannies
Dear Ms. Yearling,
As usual, we’ve wired last month’s sale to the address you’ve written down. Might I add that a tree should not be the place to leave your money in. Beside the point, we’re all eagerly awaiting your next copy of the Daring Do series.
Your Publisher,
Bezzle Mint
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From the Publisher’s Office of Books and Crannies
Dear Ms. Yearling,
As you know, deadlines are approaching fast and we’d really like to see an update in terms of when you think you’ll be done with the novel.
Now, we’re not about rushing talent, but it’s hard to send an editor when you don’t even give us a home address, let alone a letter of acknowledgement.
Anyway, the board is excited to publish another Daring Do book soon, as the holiday season starts rolling in. Would make a great gift for every little filly and colt in the kingdom if you know what I mean.
Your Publisher,
Bezzle the Great Mint. (Hey, maybe you should use that in one of your books.)
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From the Publisher’s Office of Books and Crannies
Dear Ms. Yearling,
Well, I must say that upon receiving your letter, I’m a tad disappointed. I don’t mean to insinuate that I’m angry or anything. Writer’s block is common. It happens to the best of us, right?
We’re just a little worried. I mean, a delay by two months isn’t something that the fans are going to be thrilled about.
However, your good friend Bezzle talked with the board today and I think they are willing to let it slide, provided of course you give us a more reasonable explanation. You’re an author though, so that should come naturally, right?
On a side note, the message you wrote was rather sloppy in comparison to previous letters you’ve sent us. Is everything okay? It would really be easier if we weren’t delivering these notes to some tree in the woods you know.
Your Concerned Publisher,
Bezzle the Worried Mint.
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From the Publisher’s Office of Books and Crannies
Dear Ms. Yearling,
We haven’t heard from you, and as you can guess, the board’s getting a little nervous.
We’ve been receiving complaints from some rather impatient fans of yours demanding the current status of your latest novel. I've stashed a few of them in this letter. Do read them please, as I think it’ll give you a better understanding of the time restraint we’re working in.
Perhaps you could buy an actual house in the city? Fillydelphia is a great place to live in. And real estate has never been better. I’m quite sure it’ll appeal to your fancy.
Your Real-Estate Agent,
Bezzle Mint aka The Land Plotter (I actually think that would work well in the story. Just something to keep in mind.)
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From the Publisher’s Office of Books and Crannies
Dear Ms. Yearling,
Well it came a little sooner then the time table you gave us, but no pony here is complaining. In fact, I must say I’m rather impressed with you. But you do have an amazing publisher, so don’t forget to throw in a little thank you when you reply back.
Can you believe the board was going to put out a rescue notice for you? Like…the Royal Guard searching for the elusive A.K. Yearling? Everypony here was casting lots on whether or not you’d actually publish the novel. Well if you ever visit, I’m now the proud owner of two free dinners at Wheat the Stallions.
Anyway, our artists received the designs for the new cover. I must ask if you were inspired by anypony in particular, because the cyan sidekick looks very familiar. I'm not going to go and point hooves, but do be careful you're not plagiarizing anything.
My offer from the last letter is still open too, if you’re curious. I wasn’t kidding when I said Fillydelphia is a great place to visit in the winter, even after the parasprite catastrophe.
On a side note, we already delivered that copy you requested in Ponyville, and followed your explicit instructions to only allow the post office to know the specific address. Although I must ask...are you seeing anypony? Not that it's my business or anything but we're friends, right?
Your Friendly Publisher,
Bezzle the Rich Mint.
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Due to recent Equestrian postage laws, this formal letter had to be revised for various reasons, and we have provided approximate definitions of the words we had to replace. We do apologize for the inconvenience, and would like to offer a free stamp with your next letter.
From the Publisher’s Office of Books and Crannies
Dear Ms. Yearling,
Normally, I’d be writing this letter to address a certain issue. Perhaps something in your grammar, plot, or otherwise rudimentary problem that could be fixed in a jiffy. However, I feel it’s important to set a tone for the letter. And I shall do that right about now.
ARE YOU (expressive gesture of disbelief) KIDDING ME!?
We’re your publishers for Celestia’s sake! Normally I don’t write back with such ferocity or vulgar language, but I must say that this is absolutely terrible.
No…not terrible. Horrible. Abominable. Disgusting. Revolting. I can go on and on. I have the thesaurus right next to me.
Before we delve any deeper, let me just understand this.
Everything in your books—from that blue feline to the legendary rings to the dark tower to the griffin conspiracy—was real?
Every last bit of it?
Now don’t go pleading ignorance. You know the only time we’ve talked was through those (?poorly written?) letters you send me each day.
Let me just tell you the gravity of this situation. Your books contain around—I don’t know—multiple counts of vigilante justice, trespassing, grave robbing, misconduct, and disregarding the Griffin Border Peace Act of 455? Did I mention grave robbing? And that’s just the top of this filthy cauldron of offenses...and potentially lawsuits.
To say I banged my head on the table would be an understatement. I recently recovered from a concussion thank you very much.
We published this (unfavorable) book under fiction. FICTION! Fiction is for things that don’t happen in real life, (a donkey stuck in a well)!
Do you know how much trouble we’re in?
Let me just set the scale here. There’s the other big name publishers, followed by independent authors and fan fic writers. Then we have 15 tons of (digestive waste or manure)…and then there’s us.
Yep. Fall from grace wouldn’t you say?
You know, I’m not much of an avid reader myself for the whole fantasy genre. I usually get somepony who works under me to review the (specific digestive wastes from a bull) you send in each day.
But for Celestia’s sake, the whole building is being turned inside out! I don't know, but several kingdoms are claiming you've withheld critical information pertaining to national artifacts.
I hope you hid well, cause the Griffin Embassy just trashed my office to find that stupid goblet from book two. And if my associates are correct, they’re only the first, followed by a zebra shipping tycoon, the Changeling Hive, and maybe a couple dragons here and there.
We’ve been receiving countless letters demanding us to share your address. Since the infamous A.K. Yearling lives off the grid, every “bad guy” you’ve ever messed with has decided we’re the sole party responsible. Not that it would matter since we would still have to uphold our privacy policy. Now that I’m on the subject, does that explain the multiple break-ins we’ve had to report in the last year or so?
And to think I excused all of this on your writer’s block. Can you believe I actually argued with the board—yeah the whole board—in order to convince them that your profit would make up for the delay? I even had the tenacity to laugh at them when you did deliver. Because you know, it's my flank when you send a request for more time.
I may not have read Daring Do and the Griffin’s Goblet, but so help me now, I think I might just give it a go. At least it’ll give me some sort of defense when I explain to the griffin ambassador that our company soccer trophy is not his precious relic .
On a side note, did you know some of your enemies actually follow the book series? I thought that was interesting.
If you’re wondering where the (in a very uncomfortable position) I got this information—or how anypony got this information for that matter—look no further than the stupid purple alicorn in your latest novel (I actually skim through the pages just to make sure the characters aren’t offensive).
Basically, the giddy filly and her six (companions having a good time) friends were the Elements of Harmony! Yeah, saviors of Equestria for three times…or was it four? Oh wait…I forgot that you live like a (minotaur expression of attraction) hermit.
Anyway, she or one of them—maybe all of them—started spreading the big secret that you’re actually retelling your own adventures in some third-person (when a minotaur eats too much Meximane cuisine) narrative.
Well brilliant job Ms. Yearling aka Daring (meddlesome) Do aka the End of My Career.
If you haven’t already figured it out by now, we’re canceling any and all future novels that have anything to deal with this (problematic) story. That’s right, Books and Crannies are pulling a hardball to stay afloat, and may Discord help us if we succeed.
Oh…and if I ever find your (not very liked) house…I’m going to burn it down with all the fires of Tartarus.
Your Former Publisher of the Newly (not doing too well)-Up Books and Crannies Inc.,
Bezzle-I’m-Losing-My-Temper-Mint
P.S. You can forget about my offer to come to Fillydelphia. I also used up the dinner coupons to get myself drunk twice, hoping I would wake up to come to the realization that it was all just a bad dream. I think I’m still recovering from my last hangover as I write this, but I’ll let you know when I get better.
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Daring Do re-read the letter again, her magenta eyes studying each detail. It was remarkable how so much hate and anger could be packaged in such a tiny letter.
Tossing the parchment in the roaring flames of the campfire, Daring began to wonder exactly what would become of her career. Perhaps writing her adventures had been a fun gig for a while. But after this latest reply, there wouldn’t be a publisher in the entire kingdom who’d touch her books.
“All because I decided to write non-fiction as fiction? It was for the good of my own fans for crying out loud!”
She wanted to inspire her readers to pursue their dreams. Not have them worry about whether or not the hero—and author—of their treasured series would survive her next brush with danger.
So she said a little white lie to the publisher. Every author was bound to do it anyway. Bezzle Mint was just acting like a spoiled tart. He was just like Azhuizotl or Dr. Caballeron. Greedy, ambitious, and rotten to the core.
“Who needs publishing companies anyway? All they've ever cared about was how much profit they could make off another struggling artist’s masterpiece.”
She examined the address listed on the torn envelope.
1010 Golden Oaks Brook
Fillydelphia, Equestria.
“Well not this time.” Daring Do grabbed her pith helmet from the fireplace. “Bezzle Mint, it’s time we have a little chat.”
Love this
Clever :)
I, actually have my own theory as to why Daring made her stories "fiction," but promoting that headcanon here would be bad form on my part.
This is pretty funny stuff, and an interesting take on the aftermath of A.K. Yearling's true identity being revealed to the public. I especially love the phrases you chose to censor the more *ahem* colorful language. That was simply priceless.
This might not be one of Daring's more epic adventures, but it's certainly gonna be one of her more hilarious ones. I'm definitely keeping my eye on this.
3598573
No! Headcanon is meant to be shared!
3598589 Well, the thing is that I highlighted it in one of my own stories, which is why I said it was bad form to promote it here.
However, I'll leave that to the original author's discretion.
Ha! I imagine we going to see a number of these types of stories published in the coming days.
Well, everyone is now screwed.
Including the readers, publishers, authors and characters involved in this story.
...
...
...
Welp, I'm going home now.
You do have to wonder how much trouble Daring Do would get in if ponies and other species found out she was real and has probably been breaking some rules on her treasure hunts.
I wonder why the show people went that direction anyway? Personally, I think they should of left Daring to be fiction-in-fiction.
…Gotta learn those replacements for various expletives.
Aaaaaaaaand reality ensues.
Good work author, that's a track and a thumbs up from me.
I have to say I'm loving where this is going and look forward to reading more of this. I like the fact that you managed to address the aftermath of what happened in the episode and hope more things are addressed. I feel that Bezzle calling Twilight stupid is not the bightest of ideas and the fact that she's in the book s one of these things that I hope are address.
Oh, poor Bezzle
Wait, incomplete? INCOMPLETE?! UR ACTUALLY GONNA CONTINUE THIS?! You, sir, are awesome.
Honestly tho, you probably could have left off where the chapter ends and leave the rest to the reader's imagination. But it looks like you're not. That makes you awesome. To say the least, I eagerly look forward to where this is going.
Bezzle is gonna have to rethink this when daring do crashes in through the window
PLEASE CONTINUE!!!
3600790
In Bezzle Mint's defense, he's somewhat stressed, hungover, and he called Daring Do FAR worse things than stupid. Twilight should feel lucky for such a minor insult in that tirade of foul language.
sequel?
3598598
I don't mind if you want. Actually, after you said that, I decided to take a look at your story and I must say I did find the premise fascinating.
3599549
Uh-oh...
3603009>>3603968
Well...it is incomplete...
3604051
I thought this was a one shot, I thought it said complete
3604028 Well, thank you. But there's a reason I put that headcanon into its own story: It takes a while to explain. Plus, I don't want to derail the comment section of this story, so I'll have to decline on that front. That being said, I'm glad you found my take on things fascinating.
I'm going to watch this...
projecthomecoming.net/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Boy1.jpg
This is my theory on what's going to happen. Daring is going to go find Bezzle, they're going to talk. Then some baddy is going to come along, kidnap both of them. Then the two of them are going to have to go on a very long comedic bonding adventure across the country. (Basically Indiana Jones but with comedy) Like a Herald and Kumar story.
That's my theory I hope it happens and boy am I going to love this!
I (minotaur expression of attraction) loved this.
First off, that was fast.
Secondly, that was fast.
Oh, and good show, jolly good! Have a favourite from yours truly :)
Then Daring Do encounters her publisher for a dinner, and the publisher is swept up into a full-scale Daring Do adventure against her will, a la Hitchhiker's Guide.
Next chapter pls.
The episode just came out and already great stories are coming out! Next chapter, plz!
3604044
Damn, they figured out Daring Do is going to end up (not doing too well).
Parchment... I knew they weren't keeping those pigs just for garbage disposal...
I love the concept from the show. "I have secrets... therefore I publish them in a bestselling series of books."
OH SNAP someones about to get slapped! I loved the story next chapter please.=3
Heh, likin' this so far, glad to see that it's "incomplete", and you intend to continue the story!
Kinda with Bezzle here Daring, the moment when both legal and slightly less legal forces are tearing apart your business you jump ship of whatever enterprise has caused it.
Wonderful story, good work.
Interesting. Though, I figured Twilight's mom, Twilight Velvet, also played a key role among the ones mass producing Daring's books, due to her awards for the Daring Do series in the comics. Though, even though she has the awards, it never specified what her role in the series was. She's also likely the way Twilight found out about her. I don't see Twilight as the type to spread the info about Daring being real though, since all but Rainbow Dash were willing to let her keep her privacy.... Rainbow, however... Yeah, I could see her spreading the info. XD
And technically, all the places she visited were ruins, ones left behind, so I don't think it'd be as serious as that in regards to the things mentioned. However, the bit about her villains discovering the truth about her... yeah, major problem there.
3599801 Whatever the reason, I'm not complaining as it did nothing but aid my headcanon. And no, I don't mean to say I always thought Daring Do was the author of her own books. Rather, her personality and place of residence supports something I believe happened immediately following Nightmare Moon's banishment a thousand years prior.
3612731
Well...I mean there are ruins in Equestria. And several other countries today keep ruins around. So it isn't entirely impossible that some kingdoms have ruins that, technically being under their territory, are their property. Therefore, it would be safe to assume that if someone had gone into their country, raided their ruins which contained treasures in their kingdom, they'd be a little pissed.
Nonetheless, I'm glad you took interest in this
i love the concept on this one. +fav!
3612967
At least she's not in Fallout, where everything is basically a ruin and you grab every valuable thing you can before something starts chasing after you.
3614657
Okay, you deserve that one ;)
Mah sides....
This does point out some of the problems with the episode... not all of them, but some.
While it was a silly little episodic tale, I really have to hope it affects exactly nothing meta-canon-wise and it never mentioned again.
It felt like it belonged on "Regular Show", where random outrageous crap happens constantly with no logic whatsoever and only works because no one expects the show to ever be serious about its storytelling.
Dat, 'Edited' Letter. :3
Bezzle Mint is going to publish the book and he's going to publish it more than anything.
3615393
Honestly, I don't really care. Equestria already feels like a world where logic doesn't take place, so why let it bother me?
That's right, the evil Bezzle is attempting to have a livelihood, which Daring just inadvertently destroyed! It's quite clear who needs to apologize in this situation!
3612967 Don't you think she could get a pass on this though? If she's anything like the Dr. Jones she's based off of then most of the artifacts she took and villains she took out would have world ending consequences if left alone.