Adventures in Equestria*

by The Jello Master

The Rapture

The Rapture

A tale of woe, by H.P. Lovecraft and Christian Weston Chandler
(Actually just The Jello Master and Zalg (Magikarp)

In the begninnining, there was God.

"I really like creatininining things" says God.

So God got out his magic stretch armstrong doll and used it to creat robo-ninja-pirate-raptor-jesus

"Someday I will make you destroy all mankind" said God.

Meanwhile, in Ponyville.

Pinkie was ride a skateboard and do triple kickflip off park bench.

Park bench cried as his face get skateboard on.

Suddenly, Spike pull up in Honda Civic, blasting Eminem through his sick stereo.

"Get in" say Spike.

And they made love.

"That is the romantic subplot" say Narrarator.

Spike drive down freeway.

Spike see a bus.

Spike fire pistol sideways at bus killing driver.

Spike get out of civic and go steal bus.

Suddenly, Jesus raining from sky, destroy everything.

Jesus kill carrot-top with flamethrower.

Make carrot cake pie with her dead body.

"That was delicious" said heavy Weapons guy as die from cyanide.

"How dare you do that to my friend Jesuses" said Fluttershy as break one's skull

But the Jesuses did not care.

Jesus1 transformed into a robot leg

So did Jesus 2

Jesus3 was the torso

Jesus 4 and 5 was arms

"I'll form the head" says Robo-ninja-pirate-raptor-jesus

Jesuses7 and 8 sat there with nothing to do.

Suddenly, their heads explode

Spike, with bus full of ponies and friends, stood there guns smoking as they put cigarettes in them.

Dave, who was never metioned before, stood his ground as the robot arm crushed him into paste.

Dave's blood soaked minecraft shirt hit Twist in the face.

"I am going to be being avenging you" say Twist as take adrenaline shot and strap bomb to chest.

Twist explode, Jesus not injured.

Everyone let Twist's death be in vain.

Suddenly, Gary Oak pull up in tank.

"Sup losers, lets kill some Jesus" say Gary, pump a shotgun.

Suddenly, whole army of assorted characters, charge Jesuses.

Jesus shoot laser eyes, kill Twilight and Rarity in puff of smoke.

"How dare you!: say Spike, pull dual AK47s.

Spike open fire as drink bleach. Spike die on his own terms.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" say Fluttershy

Fluttershy get so mad, have aneurism and die.

Applejack and Pinkie stand alone, everyone else is dead.

Pinkie sacrifice Applejack to the egyptian gods.

Slifer the Sky Dragon comes down from the sky.

Slifer kill all non-robot Jesuses and fly back into sky, never seen again.

Pinkie stand alone, katana in hand.

Her and robo jesus face to face.

Park bench come flying in f-16 fighter, fly so fast it chops pinkie in half.

Park bench drops a nuke.

Jesuses explode, spraying goodnessand forgiveness everywhere.

The end.