Midnight Loss
“Spike? Hello?” Spike awoke from his dazed trance, staring into the eyes of Twilight, who was smiling brightly at him. “I know you’re tired, but I need your help. I might need those claws of yours to dig up the Moonlight Herbs. I heard from Zecora that they can be a little tricky to get out of the ground.”
“Oh… Yeah,” Spike shook his head to wake himself up a little bit. He looked up at the stars and the trees, finding it to be a beautiful night. He looked back to Twilight, who had decided to keep going in spite of Spike’s hesitation to move. “Twilight! Wait up!” He quickly ran to catch up to Twilight, his little, baby dragon legs not taking him very far with every step. Finally he reached her and then matched her walking speed. “What do you need these herbs for again?” He asked.
“Well,” Twilight looked at him as they walked, “I need them to finish up that concoction for Rainbow Dash which will help her with her intense stomach pains. After all, when she came back from Appleloosa with fifteen barrels of cider and refused to drink it with moderation, it’s no surprise her stomach isn’t agreeing with her,” Twilight chuckled, and Spike followed with.
Spike always liked it when Twilight laughed. If she was happy, he was happy. If she was sad, he was sad. Twilight was his best friend, and also thought of her as his family. Even when Twilight had woken him up in the middle of the night to go find these ‘Midnight Herbs’ or whatever they were called, he was tired, but was always happy to help Twilight. After all, he was her number one assistant. That title was the title he wore most proudly and never wanted it to change.
“What’s the story with that, anyways?” He asked. He wanted to continue his conversation with her, since after all it was a bit of a walk to the supposed place where the herbs were. His legs were already tired, and he wanted to try to forget about it by maybe hearing a story.
“Oh, I’m not quite sure. She went to Appleloosa to find some apple cider, but apparently they didn’t have any there!” Twilight said out of disbelief. Her way of telling stories always made Spike want to laugh at how enthusiastic she sounded. “But then she found this sales-pony from out of town who was willing to help her convince the ponies of Appleloosa to make cider. What was his name? Sky Crash or something? Well, that’s not important. I heard he taught her how to sing during that time, which was quite nice,” she said, nodding her head.
“Anyways, they ended up getting the ponies of Appleloosa to make cider, and she had a deal with the Flim Flam brothers that if she could convince the ponies to make cider then she would get fifteen barrels of the stuff!”
“What about this… Crash guy?” Spike asked. “There’s gotta be more about him! I mean, he taught Rainbow how to sing? She doesn’t seem to be the type to sing!” They continued walking as they talked.
“Well, I think she was in love with him,” Twilight said as she stopped, and Spike followed. She sat down, and Spike again followed with; he wanted to sit down and rest anyways.
“Rainbow Dash? In love? No way!” Spike wanted to hear more about it. He also knew that Twilight just liked to trump his thoughts of something so unbelievable; somepony who loved to be right. Sometimes that got the better of her, but he knew that she always tried her best to keep those things at bay. Twilight was nodding.
“I kid you not! But here’s the plot twist!” She was giddy with joy by this time now with the story. “It turned out that Crash was a con-pony! He had been conning ponies from all around Equestria! Anyways, Rainbow Dash found out, but surprisingly she didn’t tell anypony. He had shown her that he wanted to be her friend and to help her, and she thought she would do the same. But I also think she had fallen in love with him. He ended up having to catch a freight train out of town because by this time some other sales-pony was telling everypony in town about his coning’s! Rainbow was crying at the time she told that part of the story, which is what makes me think she loved him.”
“Wait,” Spike said, putting his hands out to stop her. “So he ended up being a bad guy? Why would she protect him?” Twilight nodded with her smile still stuck to her face, as if she knew he were going to ask that question.
“Well, Spike, sometimes it’s not about what somepony has done wrong, but about seeing that inside of them is a kind soul,” Twilight said as she put a hoof over her heart. “Somepony that has made mistakes but just wants someone to be there for them. Sky wasn’t a bad pony; I think he was just a mislead pony. I mean, he took time to help Rainbow Dash out. Doesn’t that sound like a kind thing to do?” Spike sat there silent for a moment, thinking.
“Wow, Twilight. I never thought of it that way,” Spike said. Somepony that was always there for you when you made mistakes; that was a true friend, he decided. Maybe someday if he made a big mistake that would end up being something he had to get out of town for that he would have somepony to be there for him even with a mistake that big.
Twilight will always be there, Spike thought.
“Come on. I’m sure now after you heard that story you’re just as eager as I am to make her stomach feel better,” Twilight said as she stood up. Spike nodded and got up as well, and they continued to walk.
After a bit of walking, and side tracking as well, they finally found a patch of bright purple plants. Twilight smiled largely, and Spike smiled when he saw her big, goofy smile.
“Here it is, Spike!” Twilight said, already trying to pull one out of the ground with her magic, but it was to no avail. She tried again, but still no results. She looked to Spike, and he nodded to her. He ran over to one of them and began to dig next to it and underneath it.
“This is a long root!” Spike said, but finally after a bit of digging he was able to pull it out. He did it a few more times to gather multiple roots, and by the end of it they had quite a bit of it.
“This is more than enough, I think,” Twilight said. “I should have brought my saddle bag.”
“It’s okay, Twilight. I can carry them,” Spike offered. He was already holding all of the herbs in his claws, so he didn’t mind. She nodded, and they began to walk back towards Ponyville.
“So, how about you tell me a story now, Spike,” Twilight said. She still had a goofy smile on her face, but now it looked a little bit sinister. “What happened with you and Applebloom yesterday?” Spike was taken by surprise by the question. What could he say?
“Well… Uh… I was um… helping her with her chores,” he said, nodding in agreement with his statement. That was true, he thought. He did go help her with her chores.
“Oh, I know that. But I also know there’s more to that story,” Twilight giggled.
“What? What do you mean?!” Spike was blushing. Hopefully she didn’t actually know.
“You still haven’t washed your cheek yet, have you?”
“I’ll have you know that I took a bath just last night,” Spike said, proudly.
“Yeah, your feet maybe,”
“Now what do you mean by that?”
“Well, you still have that ketchup stain on your arm from last week,” Twilight said, and Spike looked at his arm.
“Awe, man, I hope she didn’t see that...”
“And why would you care if she saw it, hm?” Spike tried to elude her assumptions, but it was becoming increasingly difficult.
“Well... It’s nice to just look good in general, isn’t it?” Twilight thought about that for a moment.
“Touché, but you can’t fool me, Spike. You like Applebloom,” Twilight had come out and just said it.
“I told you already; I have a crush on Rarity,” Spike said.
“Or maybe that’s just a front so no one figures out who you really like,” Twilight was seeing through his every attempt at diversion. Spike wanted this conversation to end, but they still had a little while until they reached the edge of the forest and back to Ponyville. There wasn’t even anything to point out to distract her.
“You know what, Spike?” Twilight said after a few moments of silence. “You don’t have to tell me; it’s none of my business.”
“No, Twilight. It’s okay! I mean, I can trust you. Even after you exposed my secret on my crush on Rarity,” Spike said, and Twilight looked off like she didn’t know what he was talking about. That attempt was futile, however. “Well, I may sort of have a tiny, little, incy wincy crush on Applebloom,” Spike admitted, making sure to express how ‘small’ it was by looking through a small opening between his fingers.
“I knew it,” Twilight said, satisfied.
“Really small though! It’s nothing, really,” he assured her. Finally Ponyville was coming into view.
“You know, Spike?” Twilight stopped in her tracks and looked at Ponyville suddenly. “You really are the world’s number one assistant,” She said.
“You really mean that?” Spike asked, and Twilight nodded. Spike took pride in that title. ‘Number One Assistant in the World’. He would live up to it.
“How many Moonlight Herbs do we have, number one assistant?” Twilight asked. Spike counted each one.
“...A lot,” he said. They both stood quiet for a moment.
“... Good enough for me!” Twilight said with enthusiasm. They both started to laugh. “I wonder what they smell like,” Twilight said.
“I wonder what they taste like!” Spike said, about to put one in his mouth. Twilight quickly snatched it from him.
“I don’t know, but Zecora told me you should never eat them raw. Always cook them in something.” She took in a long sniff of the herb and sighed in satisfaction. “It smells very good, though.”
Spike did the same with one of them, but it seemed to have a... strange effect on him. He felt a little dizzy.
“Spike? ...Spike? Are you alright?” Spike only saw two different Twilights talking to him, and could barely make out what they were saying.
“Are you sure she didn’t say don’t smell them raw?” He slurred his words, tumbling over his own feet.
“Zecora never said anything about that. It didn’t seem like it would be that much trouble, but I can see it’s causing you some. Come on, we should get you home. Climb on my back,” Twilight said, but Spike couldn’t control himself anymore. Something strange was happening to him, he couldn’t describe it.
He started to feel his stomach feel queasy; something growing inside. He felt like he was going to throw up.
“Spike? ...Spike?” Twilight called, and finally after a few moments or so, Spike released a large, green flame that engulfed the tree he was next to. The fire quickly spread from tree to tree before Twilight could act. The leaves of all the trees were so close together that the fire didn’t even have to touch the ground to engulf the trees around them. Twilight looked quickly from side to side, watching as the fire spread quickly. “Spike! We have to get out of here!” Twilight picked up Spike with her magic, and was prepared to run with him, but a flaming branch fell on her, which released Spike from the grip.
Twilight’s leg was trapped underneath the branch, and she couldn’t seem to concentrate long enough to lift it up with her magic.
“Spike! Spike, please! Snap out of it, Spike!” She called out. Spike was returning from his daze to realize what was going on. He was still a little out of it, he decided, since he could hear two voices calling his name still. Maybe it was because of the drastic turn of events that made him think so out of stress. Why was he thinking about that at the moment? He had to save Twilight!
“Twilight! Twilight!” He ran over to her, by this time the fire was spread all along the ground around them, and a few flames were already climbing up onto her body. It burned off her some of her fur, and she cried in pain, but dared not to scream. Spike was already trying to lift the branch up, which after a little bit of effort he was able to accomplish. He was trying to put out the fire on her body, but he seem couldn’t do it.
Lift her over his shoulder and escape? That wouldn’t do, he was too small. Put out the flames? Tried that, didn’t work! Last resort,
“Help! Somepony help!” He called out. No one could hear him. It was the middle of the night, and he was sure that if any pony in Ponyville were to see the fire and come, by the time they got there it would be too late.
The fire tried to climb up Spike’s scales and skin, but it was to no avail. He wasn’t quite sure why the fire didn’t burn him; perhaps his scales and skin were fireproof. It would make sense since he was a dragon and all, but that wasn’t important, he decided. His fixation was on Twilight.
Only one thing left to do. Push.
He pushed Twilight’s body as hard as he could away from the fire. She was still on fire, of course, but this now seemed like the only option. Push her out of the fire and hope that the fire on her dies down. It wasn’t too large at the moment thankfully, Spike thought as he pushed her towards a small opening in the inferno.
“Spike! Spike!” She cried out in pain. “Help me, Spike!”
“Twilight, don’t worry!” He pushed. When his body was too tired to push, he would then pull. It was a slow and painful process for both of them. The fire barely grew on Twilight, thankfully, but it did start to take out a lot of her fur and turn her skin black over time.
Finally they were a little away from the fire, and Spike tried again to put out the flames. They finally left, and Spike could only look at Twilight as she lay almost lifeless on the ground. Her revealed skin was scorched, and her horn looked like it had started to melt. Most of her mane had already been burned off, and most of her tail as well. She still had fur, but it was only in a few areas.
“I’m going to get some help! Don’t worry, Twilight!” He said, close to tears. “You’ll be alright,” he prepared to run, but Twilight stopped him with a small raise of her trembling hoof.
“No, Spike… It’s alright… It’s alright…”
“What do you mean? You need help!”
“It’s too late, Spike,” She said quietly in pain, but her voice also seemed calm. “But it’s alright…”
“Too late? Oh, no, it’s not too late!”
“Look at my horn, Spike,” Twilight said as she pointed to her horn. “There is a way of telling when a unicorn is going to die soon. It may not come to all unicorns, but all who have it have to accept their fate. My horn is destroyed…” Spike looked at her horn, which seemed to be chipping away at itself.
“No, no, it’s just the fire. It’s fine, Twilight,” he assured her, but mostly himself. Twilight tried to giggle like she did earlier.
“Spike, just come over here close to me,” she said, trying to motion for him to come closer. He could barely look into her pain-filled eyes. She still motioned him to come closer, so he kneeled down right next to her. “It’s not your fault, Spike… I know you’re thinking it. I can see it in your eyes,” she said. She was right, like she always was. “It’s… It’s not your fault the Moonlight Herbs would make you feel that way. We both didn’t know what was coming…” she assured Spike. Spike only shook his head.
“I don’t care whose fault it is, I just don’t want you to leave!” He started crying. He had been trying to keep back the tears, but he no longer could. She smiled sincerely at him.
“You know, you were always like a little brother to me, Spike. A little brother who I knew since birth, and who I’ve helped to grow up,” She said as she reached a burned hoof up to touch his cheek and Spike quickly grabbed it and held it. “When Celestia told me that I could keep you… It was probably the happiest moment of my life.”
“…Really?” He asked. She nodded.
“My mother and father always told me that someday I would have to go off on my own and start my own family, but I had always thought that meant finding a colt and having some foals run around the library,” She said. She had to take a second to take in a deep breath to keep talking again. “Now I know though that that’s not what they meant. They wanted me to have somepony to be there for me always. Whether it was a colt, or a baby dragon, I know they wanted me to be happy,” she explained.
“When my parents died… I moved into the castle with Celestia, but she couldn’t really be there as my family because of all of her duties and my studies. But… then she gave me you, and you were the joy of my life. You were only a little baby dragon at the time, so you probably don’t remember when you first came to live with me. We really grew up together, Spike… You’ve been with me longer than anyone. And for that… I thank you,” she said. Spike only listened in silence.
“You’re the best assistant and brother in the world, Spike. And I’m sure that after I’m gone you’ll continue to be the best dragon and friend in the world. The library is yours, Spike. Everything I own is yours… Just don’t ever forget me, Spike,” she said. Spike shook his head.
“I won’t forget you, Twilight… I’ll never forget you…” Spike hugged her tightly, and she winced a bit from the pain, but tried her best not to show it. She hugged back.
“I love you, Spike…”
“I love you too, Twilight…” They were silent and motionless for a few moments, until finally Twilight’s arms fell down, and Spike looked into her eyes.
Motionless and blank.
She was gone.
Twilight was gone.
***
Spike had spent most of the night crying on Twilight’s lifeless body. It must had been near dawn when he decided he had to leave her there to-
To what? Tell everypony Twilight was dead? Tell them that he had killed her with his disastrous flames? Tell them all that she killed her mentor, her best friend, and who he thought was her sister?
He’d surely be run out of town; or maybe Celestia would send him to the moon! What could be worse than betraying Celestia’s prized student and brutally murdering her? Nothing! That’s what!
He looked back to Twilight’s lifeless body. Her eyes were still open, he realized. He kneeled next to her and closed them for her. He couldn’t bear to look at her lifeless eyes any longer.
He felt horrible for his decision, but he had to go back to the library and pretend he knew nothing about it. He would have to prepare his already dried out tear ducts for another round of crying to convince the others that he had no idea what had happened until they told him.
He ran away. He ran far away from Twilight. He ran back to the library as the sky turned to dawn. He knew that everypony would be waking up soon, and had to hurry. He reached the library, and opened the door, making sure nopony saw him as he did so.
***
“Spike!” Spike awoke from his small nap. He looked at the clock. He must have fallen asleep. Only for thirty minutes however, but it didn’t seem to matter to him. “Spike!” He heard again, and realized it was coming from the door.
“Yeah? What is it?” He got up and started coming down the stairs. He opened the door to see Applejack with a disturbed look on her face. She was shaking from head to toe. “What is it, Applejack?” He started his act, knowing exactly what it was.
“It’s Twilight,” she simply stated.
“Wha- What about her?” Spike stammered.
“Ah… Think ya’ll better see for yerself…” She invited him to climb on her back, which he did.
They trotted along the road which led to the Everfree forest. As they approached, Spike saw a large crowd of ponies mourning around something out of his view due to the crowd.
He knew it was Twilight.
Looking at the Everfree forest now, he saw a large patch of it burned down. Nopony else had seen it in the state he did, up in flames.
Some ponies in the crowd watched Spike and Applejack come along the trail, and they opened up a small opening for Spike to see. Everypony in Ponyville knew that Spike was Twilight’s ‘number one assistant’, and knew it was important for him to see and be in front of the crowd.
Applejack approached, and Spike could hardly bear to look at Twilight’s lifeless body again. He had to pretend, though, like he hadn’t cried on her chest for half of the night. He climbed off of Applejack’s back and walked slowly up to Twilight’s body, Everypony looking at him as he did so.
“Twilight…” He stared at her burned body. He started to cry, running to her body and wrapping his arms around her. All were silent for a few moments. “What happened to her?” He looked around at ponies whom had blank faces.
“Moonlight Herbs,” A pony spoke out. A stallion with a monocle on and a Cutie-Mark for a spy-glass, which implied he was a detective, started to tell what he thought happened. “From what I gather, she was out harvesting Moonlight Herbs. Little did she know that they can be known to catch fire the moment the sunlight hits them unless put into a container. I believe that it was very early morning when this event happened, respectively; perhaps maybe just a few hours ago, in fact. I believe she must have been frightened and threw them at a tree. Everfree forest trees are very flammable and quick to burn. She was trapped in the inferno, and started to burn alive. She tried to escape, but once she reached this spot, her body had given up on her. She lay on her back, said her prayers, and died.”
Everypony was more mortified at the situation after hearing the hypothesized story. This detective pony however, stood tall without any sadness in his expression. He must have seen it all before, which gave the impression to everypony that he was right, luckily for Spike.
“Twilight…” Spike said quietly. He didn’t dare to move after putting his arms around her.
After a long silence, one that Spike wasn’t sure if it went on for a minute or an hour, ponies started to leave the crowd, and soon Twilight was taken away to be prepared for her funeral.
Spike sat alone there at the area where Twilight had died. He sat alone, looking up at the sunrise. Everypony had decided it would have been better to leave him alone than you pester him about the situation. So Spike sat there, unable to put his mind to rest, looking at the sky which he knew was bright and sunny, but he could only see it as grey and lifeless.
After a while, he looked up to see Applebloom walking towards him. She had a bandage wrapped around her left hoof. Without a word, she sat down close next to him. They both stared out towards the morning sun together in silence. They did this until finally Applebloom spoke.
“She was like a sister to you, wasn’t she?” Applebloom asked. Spike nodded.
“What’s with the bandage? Are you hurt?” He changed the subject, trying to take his mind off of Twilight for a moment.
“Oh, this. It’s… nothing,” She said, waving her other hoof for emphasis.
“Are you sure?” He asked. “What happened to your hoof?”
“There was this really big nail that I stepped on. Ah started bleeding a lot,” she said. Spike put an arm around her for comfort, and she put her head on his shoulder. More silence ensued.
“Sometimes I think... Sometimes I think about where ponies go when they die,” Spike said. “I hope it’s somewhere nice.”
“It is,” Applebloom assured him. “I’m sure it is...” They sat in silence for a little while, Applebloom scooting as close as she could to him. Spike wasn’t sure if they had been sitting there for a few minutes or a few hours. Time seemed to be unimportant now. “What are you going to do now?” Applebloom asked.
“I’m... I’m not sure,” he said. He hadn’t thought about it. What would he do without Twilight? The answer eluded him. “I guess I’ll take over library duties. I’ll... I’ll send friendship letters to Princess Celestia, to continue Twilight’s studies. I know she would like that,” he said. “I’ll just have to try to live with it.” Applebloom nodded, and then put her head back on his shoulder. “I’ll just go by each day...”
***
Twilight’s funeral had quickly followed afterwards. It was the next morning, and Spike couldn’t tell if the clouds were dark and it was raining or if the sky was clear and sunny. Everything seemed so gloom that he couldn’t tell the difference between a cupcake and a poison. Everything seemed so bitter. Even a ruby Rarity had given him as a token of sympathy tasted like a rock. It was a perfect day for a funeral.
Even Celestia had taken time out of her busy schedule to come and mourn at her funeral. They listened to the pasture talk on about Pony Heaven and such. Spike wasn’t really listening to that. He was staring directly at Twilight’s picture atop of the closed casket.
She looked so beautiful in that picture. It was a picture of her at the Gala in her blue dress. It pained Spike to see what she looked like in that picture, and then to think about what she looked like inside of the casket.
After the pasture was done speaking, he asked that everypony were to give a moment of silence, which everypony did. Finally, it was time to lower the casket down into the pit, and leave Twilight’s body under the ground to be forgotten.
Except Spike would never forget, like he promised her. He didn’t think that Celestia or Twilight’s closest friends would forget either. In fact, after Twilight’s casket was put into the ground and a few stallions started to bury it, Celestia cried very loudly, and would rabble on about her student and all the good times. Everypony listened, of course; she was the princess, after all.
When it was all said and done, everypony left except for Spike, Twilight’s closest friends, and Celestia.
“I just wish I knew what had happened,” Celestia said in turmoil. The others nodded except for Spike, who was ashamed that he couldn’t tell them. Silence ensued, like it had most of the day before. Everypony just didn’t know what to say, and Spike couldn’t blame them. Not a single word was spoken, and after a while everypony had decided to return to their everyday lives. What else was there to do than to move on?
That was the mentality Spike wish he could have, but it was increasingly difficult to create it. Twilight was most of his life. How was he supposed to move on from that? He didn’t know, but he had to try.
He stared at her tombstone, which read ‘Twilight Sparkle, Faithful Friend and Student’. Flowers were all over it, and Twilight’s picture was kept on top of it. More staring; more silence.
Maybe it would help if he did something other than be in silence. He tore his gaze away from her tombstone, and left the cemetery. Maybe he would visit Applebloom today. That always made him happy.
Everypony was going about their daily lives. A lot of ponies had been there at the funeral, but a lot of them had already made peace with the situation and went back to their normal lives. That was the way of Equestrian society. Mourn for a few moments, then forget and enter back into blissful ignorance. Perhaps even the others had already forgotten.
He decided to pay Sweet Apple Acres a visit, mainly for Applebloom, of course. He remembered this time about the ketchup stain, licked his fingers and rubbed it off. If there was one good thing that happened the other night, it was certainly gaining the knowledge that existed on his arm.
Maybe he should have taken an actual bath like Twilight was always telling him to. He stopped in his tracks, thinking about it.
Even a simple ketchup stain goes back to Twilight. He tried to expel it from his mind. He continued to walk up the path through Ponyville to Sweet Apple Acres. He walked through the gates to the farm, walking a little slower up to the barn. He didn’t know why, but he felt that he couldn’t face anypony anymore. Perhaps it was the guilt, he thought; a murderer among friends?
No, Twilight said herself that it wasn’t his fault. He tried to assure himself of this fact, but still came back to the conclusion that he had done something drastically awful, and he was a horrible dragon for doing so. He swallowed deep, and continued on his way to the barn.
Spike saw Applejack slowly carrying a basket of apples over to the side of the barn. Her head hung a little bit low. Not too low though, which Spike assumed meant she wasn’t feeling too sad.
“Hey, Applejack!” Spike said, putting on a smile. She smiled back, and he knew that she was putting on a smile for him. He thought that maybe Applejack thought he was just putting on a smile as well. It was true, of course.
“Well, hey there, Spike,” Applejack said. “So…uh… How’s it going?” She lost her smile, and so did Spike. He looked at the ground.
“Well… I’m not too bad,” he lied. “What about you?”
“Ah’m… Handlin’ it. Many ponies have died in my life, believe it or not. Ya’ never get used to it, of course, but it doesn’t hurt as much anymore.” She took off her hat and held it tightly. “Apples just don’t taste the same on these kinds of days than those that grow on happy days,” she said.
“I know what you mean,” Spike said. Spike looked at the sky. He knew it was sunny out and the clouds were bright and puffy, but he saw none of that. It seemed redundant that he would keep looking at the sky for reports on what he was feeling, but it seemed like an accurate display of the turmoil he was experiencing. “Anyways… Is Applebloom here?” He asked. Applejack nodded.
“She’s around back, loverboy,” she chuckled. At least that brought her mood up, Spike thought. He rolled his eyes and left Applejack with a wave.
He hadn’t known Applebloom very personally until just about a week ago. He had come over to ask Applejack if she needed any help account of her sprained ankle, and she had simply directed him to helping out Applebloom with her chores. Applebloom and he talked as they did things like do laundry and sweep the porch, and became very good friends from just that one afternoon.
By the end of that day, Spike had even been invited to be a part of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Scootaloo had a problem with it, since he wasn’t a pony. Applebloom had argued that he also didn’t have a Cutie-Mark. He eventually was in.
He never attended meetings though, since he was always helping… Twilight.
“Darn it!” Spike cried out. Everything always went back to Twilight. Spike expelled it from his mind for the moment, continuing to think about Applebloom. He had helped her with her chores again the other day, and she kissed him on the cheek after they were all done. Twilight was right; he hadn’t washed his cheek since then.
He probably should though, he thought. He spotted the Cutie Mark Crusaders sitting at a few tree stumps with quills in their hooves, writing on the paper in front of them.
“What are you guys doing?” Spike asked as he approached them.
“Cutie Mark Crusader Story Writers!” Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo yelled out. Applebloom just nodded.
“Mine’s about a great flyer that ends up saving the world from doom!” Scootaloo said, raising her arms up for emphasis.
“Well, mine is about a pop-star that makes her way to the top!” Sweetie Belle said. Applebloom didn’t say what hers was about; Spike had to ask for that specifically.
“What about you, Applebloom?” Spike asked. She looked up at him.
“Oh… Uh, nothing,” she smiled nervously. “It’s just something Ah wanted to write, and the girls decided to turn it into a Cutie Mark Crusade today.”
“Oh, well that’s cool,” Spike said, and Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo nodded in agreement. Applebloom only looked away. “Applebloom? Are you alright?” Spike asked. Was something on her mind?
“It’s nothing, Spike… How are you holding up?” She asked, refusing to look away from her staring point.
“Oh, I’m doing better,” he lied.
“You want to try your hand at writing something, Spike?” Sweetie Bell asked. “You haven’t gone crusading with us in a long while.”
“That’s because he can’t get a Cutie-Mark,” Scootaloo said.
“Actually, I think I have a few errands to run,” Spike said. Applebloom folded up her piece of paper.
“Can Ah come?” She asked. Spike was hesitant to answer, but then he gave a small nod. She slipped the piece of paper into her bandage. “Ah don’t think that writing is my special talent, girls,” Applebloom told the other crusaders. They didn’t even look up to her. Perhaps they were too engulfed in their own stories to notice.
***
With Applebloom walking next to him, the sky didn’t seem so dark to Spike anymore. He kept looking at her hoof, though, concerned that she was walking on an injury. They were walking to the market. What he was going to buy, he didn’t know, but Applebloom was prepared with her saddlebag. Usually Twilight decided everything to buy and he just put it in the saddlebag for her, barely paying attention. Things like apples, or eggs. Apples and eggs, that sounds good. Applebloom followed him as he picked up some apples, and picked up some eggs. Shopping done.
“Anything else you need?” Applebloom asked. Spike thought for a moment. He looked at all of the apples and eggs in his hands.
“I don’t think so,” he said as he carefully placed them inside of Applebloom’s bag. “I don’t eat a lot of things.”
Spike was honestly lost in the world of errands. There was a lot more to this ‘living alone’ thing than he thought.
“Excuse me, son,” Spike turned around to see the detective stallion from the other morning staring down at him. “Is it alright if I asked you about a few things?”
Things? What things? Things about Twilight?
“Uh- sure,” Spike said, trying not to look scared.
“Where were you the night of Twilight Sparkle’s death? When was the last time you saw her?”
He had prepared for this question, but never thought that after the detective had made his conclusion yesterday that he would have had to use it.
“I was at home, sleeping. Twilight said she needed to harvest some Moonlight Herbs and left before I went to sleep.”
“She was gone the entire night?” He pondered on this for a moment. Spike had a good idea of what he must be thinking.
If Twilight was gone the entire night, then how did the Moonlight Herbs catch on fire? Surely Twilight would have gotten them and returned home way before dawn, so where did the fire come from?
Spike knew that the detective would now have to reconsider his earlier hypothesis, and it seemed that Spike’s answer was all he needed to make another.
“Son, I do believe there is a murder on our hands,” he said.
***
Spike ran around the library in a stressful manner. They were going to find out he murdered Twilight. They were going to tie him up and send him to Celestia to send to the moon! Or maybe he’d have to suffer the same fate as Twilight; except that wouldn’t work, since he was a dragon. Maybe he would have to be eaten by a dragon! No, that was absurd.
“Calm down, Spike… Calm down,” he said. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door which startled him. “They’re here to take me away!” He yelled out and ran upstairs, watching the door from the top of the stairs.
“Spike? Are you okay?” The door opened, and Applebloom walked in, looking around. “Are you here? You just ran off without a single word!”
Maybe he should have locked the door, he thought.
“Applebloom!” Spike ran down the stairs. “I completely forgot,” he said as he ran up and hugged her.
“Yeah, Ah’m very forgettable,” Applebloom said. She pushed him away, and looked the other way for a moment. Spike sighed.
“I guess ‘forget’ isn’t the right word,” he said. Applebloom smiled for a moment, but it disappeared quickly.
“Are you alright?” she asked. Spike hesitated to answer the question. He wasn’t alright, but he didn’t want to make Applebloom worry, or look conspicuous either.
“I’m fine,” he smiled. “I just needed to run home because of…” He tried to think of something.
“Because I had this piece of apple stuck in my teeth, and I didn’t want to be out in public with it, because you know when people stare at you when you have something like that and announce it to the whole world, and-” Applebloom put her hoof over his mouth.
“It’s okay, Spike. You don’t have to hide it from me. In fact… I have something to tell you…” She said.
“Something… to tell me?” Spike asked, and Applebloom nodded. She motioned her head for them to go sit on the couch. She jumped up on the couch, and so did Spike. “What is it, Applebloom?” She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words to say. She thought for a moment, and then she pulled out the piece of paper in her hoof’s bandage.
“I think it’s better if you just read this…” Spike was confused at the gesture, but decided to abide by it and opened up the slip of paper. It was a story, like he had assumed it would be, since the Cutie Mark Crusaders were being writers today. The writing was fluent, and better than Spike had expected.
***
I was up late that fateful night, unable to sleep because of a bad headache I was experiencing. I had decided to get up out of bed, since I had been laying there for a few hours. I wasn’t sure what time it was, but I didn’t care. If I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t sleep.
I decided to go out for a walk. It was a beautiful night, even though there was nopony out. All of the street lights were off by this time, which wasn’t surprising. The only thing that lit my way was the bright moon.
Unexpectedly, I did see somepony up at this uninviting hour. It was Twilight, I decided; she was a bit aways, but I could tell by her fur color. She was heading towards the Everfree forest, and I decided I would go say a few words to her. After all, she did look alone. But as I got closer, I noticed somepony else who was with her. It was Spike, my best friend.
I wondered what they were doing, and if I could tag along. I usually wasn’t one to go snooping into others’ business, but it was the middle of the night and I was bored.
I trotted my way over to them, but by the time I had gotten there, they had already disappeared into the forest. I was too afraid to enter there by myself. I sat down by myself in front of the forest, looking up at the moon. My headache had subsided, but I didn’t exactly feel like going to bed now.
I waited there for a while, not knowing how much time had passed.
“Good enough for me!” I heard in the distance. It sounded like Twilight. I stood up and decided to try to find her and Spike. I ventured into the Everfree forest to find them. Their conversation must have gotten quieter since then, because it was becoming harder and harder to hear their voices and find them.
“Are you sure Zecora didn’t say don’t smell them raw?” I heard Spike say. I peeked my head over a bush, and saw Spike tumbling around near Twilight. I watched the scene, even though in retrospect I should have done something at this point other than sit back and watch as Spike tumbled around sick.
Spike released a large gush of fire unexpectedly, which caught me off guard.
“Spike, we have to get out of here!” I heard twilight yell. It was hard to see them within the fire, but I saw Spike fly up into the air, most likely by Twilight’s magic. He fell to the ground though. I tried to get a better look, and I saw that Twilight had been hit by a falling branch. Spike sat there idly for a moment.
“Spike! Spike!” I called, as I heard Twilight do the same. I tried to run to him despite the fire, which was a bad choice. I placed my hoof on the fire, which burned my hoof in return. I winced in pain. The fire had caught onto me and crawled up my hoof until I was able to put it out by obsessive stomping.
I had to get help. I started to run back to Ponyville, but my hoof wouldn’t allow it for long. I finally sat on the ground, looking at my hoof which was burned almost halfway up. I couldn’t walk.
After a few minutes, I saw Spike pushing Twilight out of the fire. I could only watch idly from a distance, which pained me even more than my hoof did. I watched them talk for a few moments, and both of them were crying. Finally, they hugged each other, and Twilight’s body went limp.
At this point, I could barely even feel my hoof. I decided to run home. No one else saw it. No one else knew about it. Only Spike and I knew, and it was not my story to tell.
It wasn’t Spike’s fault, but if anypony ever found out what happened… They would surely take my Spike away, and I couldn’t stand the thought of it. I kept hush, not a word was to be spoken.
That morning, I saw Spike sitting alone at the spot where Twilight had died, and I decided to comfort him. I was able to make up some story about my hoof, which I had bandaged up and applied what I could on the burn through my knowledge of First Aid. Turns out that wasn’t my Cutie-Mark, by the way. I knew Spike was going to keep it a secret, and as long as he did, so would I.
-Applebloom.
***
Spike handed back the piece of paper to Applebloom.
“You knew… The whole time?” He asked, surprised. Applebloom nodded. Spike looked at Applebloom’s hoof which was covered, which Applebloom looked at herself. She started to unwrap it to reveal her hoof with some of the fur burned off.
“Ah saw it all happen before my eyes. It’s not your fault, Spike,” she assured him. He looked at the ground. “I know it isn’t your fault. You loved Twilight. It was those… herb thingies.”
“I still blew the fire.”
“But you didn’t mean to!” Applebloom put both of her hooves on Spike’s shoulders and shook him. “Ya’ don’t have to beat yourself up about it!” She told him, but Spike wouldn’t reply. They sat quiet for a few moments.
“You know, you’re a really good writer,” Spike said. Applebloom smiled and blushed.
“Well, thank ya…” She said. They hugged, and Spike knew that Applebloom would always be there for him, like Twilight would be there for him if she could be. “Spike… I know I may be a little young to be sayin’ this but… I love you, Spike,” She said while they were still in their hug.
“I love you too, Applebloom,” Spike said.
***
Spike slept in his bed in the quiet library. Applebloom had gone home, and he was left all alone. He felt that all he had now was Applebloom. He had a lot of friends like Rarity and Rainbow Dash, but they seemed to disappear from his mind. It was because he felt like if they knew what had happened, they wouldn’t be his friends anymore. He acted like the entire town already knew what he had done and had sent him to live alone in the Twilight’s home and hope that Twilight’s ghost haunted him.
Twilight’s ghost may not have been haunting him, but the thought of her was. He had nightmares about it, and had kept playing the scene in his mind over and over again. He didn’t think he would ever forget that night. Word for word, second by second; every last detail was engraved into his mind.
He hugged himself as he tried to determine which would be worse: the fact that he killed Twilight or the fact that if everypony knew about it he would surely pay the price. He tried not to think about it. No one had to know. He tried to close his eyes to sleep, and soon he did so.
***
Spike awoke to a frantic knocking on the door. He groggily got up and walked down the stairs to open the door slightly to see who it was. Applebloom stood shaking from head to toe. Spike immediately swung open the door.
“Applebloom? What happened?” He asked.
“The detective… He… He…” Applebloom couldn’t seem to tell him, but Spike already knew what she was trying to say.
“He knows… How did he find out?” Applebloom hesitated to answer. She looked down at the ground and began to cry. She looked ashamed. “Applebloom? What aren’t you telling me?”
“It’s all my fault!” She screamed, and embraced Spike. She cried into his shoulder. “It’s all my fault…” She whispered.
“Applebloom…” She stroked her back as she cried into his shoulder, tightening the embrace. “It’s not your fault, whatever happened, it’s alright,” he assured her.
“No, you don’t understand! It is my fault! My story… They… They found my story and read it. Applejack was doing some cleaning around the house and saw it on the floor of my room, and she picked it up and read it. Ah was sure I had put it under my pillow, I was sure of it! She called up the detective and gave it to him. They know now it was you, and it’s all because of my stupid story! All because Ah wrote down what happened… The last Ah saw was that the detective was talkin’ to a few Royal Guards in town, and Ah’m sure they’ll be coming here soon to take you away!” Applebloom seemed to cry even harder by now, and Spike tried to calm her down.
“It’s not your fault Applebloom… You never meant it to be used that way…” He let go of Applebloom, who was breathing heavy from all of the crying. He kissed her on the cheek. “It’s going to be alright,” he said, but of that he wasn’t sure.
“You have to get out of here, Spike… You have to go! A freight train is coming in ten minutes. I can get you there if you climb on my back and we go right now!” Spike had never thought it would have come to this. He had to leave Ponyville; possibly all of Equestria. Applebloom was right though, there was no other choice. He had to leave.
“You sure you can carry me?” He asked, and Applebloom gave a small smile.
“Honey, if Ah can carry a basket of apples alright, Ah can carry you… Now let’s go!” Spike nodded.
“There’s something I need first though,” he said, and ran upstairs. Applebloom waited outside by the door. When he came back down he had a book with an armored stallion’s head on the cover. “This was Twilight’s favorite and first book. It’s The Elements of Harmony. If there’s anything I want to take with me, it’s this for sure.” Applebloom nodded, and crouched down for him to get on her back, which he did. Without another word, Applebloom mustered up all of her strength to trot as fast as she could with him on her back.
“Applebloom!” They heard. Spike looked back to see Applejack and a bunch of other ponies running after them. “Applebloom, what are you doing?!”
Applebloom said nothing; she was trying to use all of her strength and concentration on getting Spike to the train on time, and now before the ponies of Ponyville caught up with them.
Soon enough, they reached the train station, and the freight train was already there. Ponies were unloading it, and were almost done doing so.
“They’ll catch us before the train starts to leave,” Spike said as he un-mounted Applebloom. She shook her head.
“It’s going to leave soon, don’t worry,” she assured him. She kissed him on the cheek. “Just don’t ever forget me, alright?” She gave a soft smile.
“I won’t forget you, Applebloom… I’ll never forget you,” Spike hugged her tightly, and Applebloom hugged back.
“I love you, Spike…”
“I love you too, Applebloom…” They were silent for a few moments until the train made a loud sound which meant the engines were starting.
“Now go!” She called out. Spike leaped onto the last train booth’s balcony. The other ponies by this time had reached them. The train was already starting to move slowly out of the train station.
“We can’t get him now!” A pony in the mob said. “He’s a murdering dragon that’s going to get away with it!”
“We can still get him!” Another said.
“What are you, crazy? It’s a moving train!” One argued as the train began to pick up speed.
“Don’t worry,” said another, “he’ll be all alone wherever he goes.”
Applebloom stood there for a moment, looking at the ground after hearing that. She looked up again with a stern look on her face. The crowd watched her as she began to run aside with the train, making sure she was a considerable amount ahead of the booth that Spike was on.
“Applebloom, what are you doing?” Applejack cried out, “Get back here!”
“I love you, sister!” Applebloom cried back. “I love you, and goodbye!” She yelled with tears in her eyes.
“Applebloom? What do ya’ mean, Applebloom?! It’s too dangerous!” Applejack tried to trot over to Applebloom, but by the time that she had gotten to her, Applebloom jumped towards the moving train and grabbed the railing of the balcony as it went by. She almost lost her grip, but Spike helped her up onto it.
The Apple family tried to run along with the train, but by the time they tried to, the train had already left the station. Spike and Applebloom watched them start to cry as they watched them speed away on the train. Spike wrapped a hoof around Applebloom.
“You didn’t have to do that…” He said, “You still had a life there.”
“Ah couldn’t leave you alone,” she simply said. “Ah know that somehow this will all work out for the better.” They both watched Ponyville as it went out of view. Spike kissed Applebloom on the cheek.
“I don’t know where we’ll go…” he said, “we’re so young; I don’t know what we’ll do.”
“But either way, we’ll have each other,” Applebloom said. Spike nodded. Spike opened the book he had taken from the library, flipping to the back page which had a picture of Twilight and Spike together, and underneath it was a hoof print and a claw print. They both looked at the picture, looked at each other, then smiled. They both looked up into the sky. It was a bright and sunny day.
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This story is a little sketchy on story telling. You can help make my next story better by telling me what I did wrong, so I don't make the same mistakes for my next story. Thank you!
Sounds too sad, cannot read.
Sad fic, but the story telling was very good, and the ending was well written too. Great job overall, keep writing.
I will read it. It sounds interesting.
so sad
Don't want to read
Any Spike outliving Twi fic makes me bawl like Fluttershy
I wanted to cry and I almost did when Twi died. But no tears come. Darnit! My little Dashie have made so I can't cry until I read a story whit more sorrow then it.
This is going wery god and I felt like I saw it whit my own eyes. It was the same whit My little Dashie.
You get heartbrocken but you know it will get better. It was not his fault, but it still is fore him. This situation sonds like Blakcjack's from Falout Equestria: Project Horizone.
I give this 5 stars and five hearts
You can hope it will come more.
I read the story of yours "Midnight Loss" and have made a tribute to Twilight... Since She's a magic User, I think this will fit her best... Here's a Music for her Funeral... if its possible for you to imagine this playing while in her funeral bed...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D1smUDG00k
Good job of making me cry...
Another sad Music, for another sad Story http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX5m6J0fZvw&feature=related
A sad story, I can agree with that. My eyes began to water up.
Personally, I liked it up to the point of the ending. The train leaving the train station without the conductor not noticing the riot didn't make sense. The very ending could be different. But that's my opinion.
Nevertheless, it was a very good story. I liked the story as well. Still a five-star story.
298121
Wow! I hadn't even thought about the conductor thing. That's a good point. Thank you.
Also, I like how I get a bunch of tracking for this story even though it's a completed story. Thank you everyone. While I was up half the night with a cold I had no idea this story would get so many people reading it during the night.
A beautifully sad story. Very well executed.
Very very well executed sad story...
encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTTdZcastRej5VVEBvAgE9dXydysyFyrbBqA2xQ6aaM5u3zLulV
That was sad i did not shed tears but i would love a sequel but idk thats up too you
298337
I had thought about a sequel, but most likely not. I don't know. It'd depend on the demand for it. I did leave it slightly open, but I've always been a bit weary of sequels. A lot of them never turn out very good in my opinion. ESPECIALLY movie sequels. Ew. Although, the story of Sky Crash will be uploaded here in a couple of days. Guess that's a prequel, even if unrelated to this story in a direct manor.
I just have a hard time believing they all would turn on him, for something that was clearly an accident. Though some thinking he's to dangerous to have around I could see, possibly.
Sequel, dammit.
Perfect story. Brought me some unwanted memories, but I surely won't hate it for that. You couldn't have written it better.
I usually don't read these kind of stoories, but the way it all feels; it kind of has a dark glow to it. What I mean is that it feels way to ephemeral and surreal, almost like it needs to said if only for the sake of telling it. It is ind of surprising that luna had no knowledge of the incident. Maybe there is something that we don't yet know. This could be grounds for a sequel, but other than that good job
(PS If you read the beginning while listening to a Daisy in Winter, it makes it twice as sad)
298633
You'd be surprised. I've watched enough murder mystery shows and read enough books to figure out that people a lot of people will look immediately to the pessimistic side of an action. Spike never told anypony except Applebloom what had happened, so everyone could assume the worst, and they did. The fact that Spike didn't tell anypony makes him even more suspicious. If he had gotten time to tell the story, I'm sure some of the residents of Ponyville wouldn't have believed him because of the reluctance he had to tell the story before he was in trouble.
298935
Possibly. Most likely not. But maybe.
299155
I'm sure I could have. I'm not too keen on the scene where Spike is confronted by the detective, as I thought I could have handled it better. The reason why I just don't go back and change it is because if I do that it's possible it wouldn't fit anymore with the story, and I'd have to rework a lot of things. Thank you for the kind words though, but a writer will always second guess themselves; it is how we improve.
299260
I didn't involve Luna because I felt that she didn't have enough of a relationship with Twilight to abandon her royal duties to go attend a funeral. Royal duties > funeral, a lot of the time. Celestia, however, had a strong bond with Twilight, and would probably drop everything she could to go attend the funeral. I don't know really, I hadn't really thought about it till now.
For the record, I listened to this while writing it: Yiruma: When the Love Falls
299559
You know, you could always write another version of it, if you feel like it. An alternative ending, perhaps.
299692
I have way too many projects for that. I have 3 stories I'm all almost done with. No time to rewrite this one. It ALMOST got featured tab. So close. It's an oh well sort of thing though. Next time.
Even if you don't make the sequel someone will. We know what happend whit My little Dashie thanks to it giving a chance fore a sequel.
305475
This story isn't NEARLY as popular. I mean, at all. No one will make a sequel. 0
You have leved many questions on what will happen to them now. I can realy feal a sequel coming.
im confused if applebloom wrote that story shouldn't applejack forgive spike...... (sorry im reading this as if im watching a movie) by the way excellent story make more if you can
310669
The story that Applebloom wrote is just stating what happens from a first person perspective with her own personal thoughts, but doesn't correlate to the fact that it's a confession from a witness, and being the type of pony that Applejack is, would have notified somepony about it. It's not a matter of forgiving Spike, but it's a matter of somepony has to know. That's the reason why she gave it to the detective. The reason why she chases Spike down I don't say directly. Applejack has no dialogue that gives an opinion either way of whether she forgave Spike or not. Maybe she just wanted to talk to him instead of trying to catch him and turn him over. The fact of the matter is that I don't state anything about Applejack's opinion.
312503 i was acting like it was as movie lol... when i get into a story or a movie i start to criticize what the characters do not what the righter wrights (its his/her story he/she gets to put what ever they want lol) but i just thought things would've turned out better if spike told someone what happened (in my oppinion though)
you should make a second part of this story more as an adventure type though as applebloom and spike try to run away from the detectives i think it would be awesome
312600
Well, I understand that, but I'm just justifying the actions that you're criticizing. Also, I don't think I'll be doing a sequel any time soon.
312631 darn.... have you made other stories... if so i would love to read them
313540 if you click on my name and go over to my profile you'll see a list of stories I currently have up. Also you can click the 'watch' button on my page to be notified whn I upload something new. Probably tomorrow or the day after I should have something else out.
I realy hope somepony can make a sequel. I can certainly not do that. It wuld more then likly be a bader then worst. I'm useless at english grama and spelling so you can count me out about doing one. But I realy hope somepony will make one.
341881
Bleh, I'll come up with SOMETHING I guess. But it'll be a while. I'm working on two really long fics. If those fics get enough attention that I get some more watchers then I'll rewrite this story (Since I didn't have anyone really pre-read it) and write a sequel for it. But that's ONLY if my other two stories do well. Which they probably won't. A sequel isn't out of the question, but I'm saying this now. If anyone's going to write a sequel, it shall be me.
I usually dislike when the narrator takes the role of another character, like this:
"Maybe it was because of the drastic turn of events that made him think so out of stress. Why was he thinking about that at the moment? He had to save Twilight!"
It happens a lot on your story. I won't say that it is a bad thing; only that I (how snob this Lucefudu guy is!) don't like it.
I don't get why Twilight managed to talk but not walk on her own; even being caught on fire. The adrenaline rush would me so immense, that she wouldn't feel the pain. But yes, this explains why she couldn't concentrate on her magic. Good play.
Judging by what happened to Twi, I'd say that she had most 3rd degree burns and some minor 2nd degree burns. Not enought to kill a human (much less a pony) right away. She would have, at least, lived enough to get to the hospital.
OHHHH, now I get it. She's dying because of her horn! But nonetheless, I don't think the fire would be hot enough to melt bone. Or cartillage.
"You’re the best assistant and brother in the world, Spike[...]"
I know that Spike loves the title of assistant; but maybe leave it off... it doesn't match the setting.
Spike seems unnaturally accepting of Twilight's death... I expected some "No!"s.
(Funny thought that just now occured to me; as a character dies, the author always seem to chronometrate its death to match its final speech. Gives the emotional punch, true; but not very beliavable.)
As Spike closes her lifeless eyes, I was expecting a little more emotion on his part. He just "hates" himself, but no good memories come? You could make the god memories surface and then you'd have a base for Spike to hate himself, seeing that he was the one who ended her life.
Ok, Ok. We know that Spike is sad and all, but you need to show us that, not tell us that.
"If there was one good thing that happened the other night, it was certainly gaining the knowledge that existed on his arm." I know why you wrote this. But this statement seems to... lower the 'value' of Twilight's death. As in, like, she died but everything is fine because Spike got rid of that stain.
The funeral scene is kind of lacking. I expected more from Twilight's friends.
You need something to mark the difference of days: When she was buried X "Everypony were going about their daily lives", in which "He decided to pay Sweet Apple Acres a visit[...]".
"Hey, Applejack!” Spike said, putting on a smile. She smiled back, and he knew that she was putting on a smile for him. He thought that maybe Applejack thought he was just putting on a smile as well. It was true, of course." Reduntant, Twilight was just buried; we know that those are fake smiles.
"Sweetie Belle asked. “You haven’t gone crusading with us in a long while." WHAT AN EGOTYSTICAL BITCH SWEETIE BELLE IS! HIS HALF-SISTER JUST DIED, AND ALL SHE CARES ABOUT IS CRUSADING?!
Also: I don't know if it was Spike's intention to grab Applebloom's attention or not, but I don't think he'd walk all the way to Sweet Apple Acres, go to the Crusaders' Clubhouse just to tell them that he has errands to run. You must think of some better excuse for him to snatch Applebloom; maybe make her blatantly ask if she can talk to him.
I liked how you made Applebloom's letter less elaborate than the narattor; she is a filly, after all.
I would voice my concerns about Applebloom and Spike's love; but it really doesn't feel forced. It feels like one of those childhood crushes. Simple and enjoyable.
"It’s The Elements of Harmony"
You forgot : A Reference Guide.
"Applebloom? What do ya’ mean, Applebloom?! It’s too dangerous!”
I know that AJ's element is Honesty; but DAMN, she does a good Cap. Obvious impersonation.
Plot-Wise: Original and entertaining; 3.5/5
Writing-Wise: Some parts could've been thought out a little better; 2.5/5
Description-Wise: Some parts need some small tending; 4/5
Grammar-Wise: Nothing to say; 5/5
Ending: It suits a sugar-coated, soap opera-like story; but not this one. Read the paragraph below to understand; 2.5/5
Last opinion: I know that this was meant for the Write-Off, so you couldn't expand such idea further inside a 10k word story. But if you're willing to work on this once more, giving each part their turn to breathe, it might come out as a masterpiece.
343029 Ah son of a gun, I worte a whole reply to this but it never showed up. Here i go again.
I don't think I've ever recieved a more in depth analysis of a story before, and I'm truly grateful for it. A big issue of it was time constraints, and I didn't have a lot of time to check over a lot of stuff like the believability of the death. The reason why I seemed pretty personal with Spike was because I was attempting a more in depth limited third person perspective, but it could have been handled better I completely agree.
The reason why Spike goes to Sweet Apple Acres is because he's so depressed he just wants to talk to the crusaders to get his mind off of it all, but seeing as they're busy he just goes, Applebloom following along. I should have explained it better. The other stuff I don't have a lot of excuses or explanations for. I took out a lot of detail in scenes for the sake of lenght, and if I had it still in there I'm sure at least a quarter of your complaints would be non-existant. I tried my best not to force any strong shipping between them. You're right, it's a harmless childhood crush sort of shipping, which is exactly what I was going for.
I want to thank you again for the review. Considering I didn't have a pre-reader though I'd say I did pretty good. I knew there was things that needed to be adressed and I'm glad you did adress them. Now i know, and knowing is half the battle. (G.I. JOE!... *Cough*) Would you be willing to pre-read for the first chapter of my upcoming story? With your critiquing skill I would truly be grateful.
343137 Yes I can pre-read it for you. But since I'll be mighty busy, don't expect to have it done so soon (Friday at least).
And yes, considering that you don't have an editor, you did a damn pretty good job.
Now that you know that I'm not that incompetent for posting a story like that, what do you think its behind it?
343206 Well, I was looking at your writing style and the overall way you write. I asked myself why someone who obviously had SOME kind of skill and comprehension of story flow would write something like that. Either you're making fun of HiE stories in general or you're just giving people something to go 'The heck?' about.
343233 A bit of column A, a bit of column B; but mostly column C.
That was an experiment on my part; to 'measure' quality X popularity of a fanfic. The conclusion came out as I expected it to be; most popular fanfics are the dull ones.
People nowadays don't like to think; hence why sappy, lovey dovey, straightforward stories are the most popular while well-thought, deeply intricate stories are left to rot in the shadows.
343249
Someone who gets it. That's why my friend keeps telling me to write all these stories about Pinkie Pie dating Twilight or what not to get featured and I just say no because what he suggests as a premise will inevitably be without any true depth. There's stories I keep reading that are really good and make you really think, but people don't want to read those. People don't want to think. They don't want to be introduced to something new or radiacal. They just want a dull played out story that's straight to the punch line. I completely agree with you. 100%
343285 I look forward to read more from you. You've given me more than enough reason for me to watch you.
> inb4 stalker!
342682
Why re-write it? I did not see anything wrong in it. But I'm awful at english spelling an grama so my opinion maybe will not mean so much.
345024
Well I already knew there was a alot of problems with it, and Lucefudu was kind enough to point a lot of them out for me, if you look at his long post. Also, just read a lot and your spelling and grammar will naturally improve. Plus reading is fun.
345285
I can't say no to the last two things. My newer chapter's is fixed by one that is realy a good writer. He get's them 120% more awsome. I only write my chapter then he fix it and it is much better then what I did but it is still what I have made. Only more detailed, whit no grama or spelling fails and also a bit better and easyer to understand.
But my story has elements of battel so I must also learn military tactic.
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I just read his long comment and I realy get much wrong whit forgeting time sometimes. Or missing a e in Sweetie Belle. The last e is not mentioned when you hear the name so if you only hear it you can easy miss it. It forgot about it. I am swedish and I hate when words that have a e in the end that is never heard comes up. I get a bit frustrated when i get that wrong. But it is not to bad.
I can agree whit him about Sweetie Belle caring about crusading when a friend to her sister or co-crusader have died. But she realy wants here cutimark and don't wana let sadness push it down.
And explaining more? I felt Spike's sorrow and pain and self hate and more as if I was him! I culd see it all in front of me. But I culd not cry :( I hate My little Dashie for stealing that ability from me.
I can realy go into a story and understand it. But that must be becurse I'm an gamer.
And I think I got of trak in my comment somewhere.
Best.fic.ever. You.F****ing.genius.
I just got done reading our last goodbye, so I can't take anymore of this tonight...this is getting saved for tomorrow
damnit dude...why do you have to do this to us...
Oh man, I really liked this.