Green Isn’t Your Color Colour
Guest written by CassandraMyOCisBestpony
“Terribly sorry I’m late for our weekly get together at Lameington Spa,” said Rarity.
“Oh no please, the fault is mine for making you feel pressured to rush. Was the Tube running slow today?”
“Aye, but that goes without saying. The other reason for my tardiness was that I ran into Foto Fräulein, the world famous photographer, all the way from Stirrup!”
“I thought we were from Stirrup.”
“No no mate, Continental Stirrup. Germaney, to be precise.”
“I ‘ope you were able to appease ‘er.”
“Even better, I got ‘er to come have a look at my clothes!”
“Crikey, that’s a good job! Wot do the birds in Germaney fancy? Polka dots?”
“Course not, you nobhead! By the by, I need you to be my model.”
“Oh my, I don’t know…”
“Oh but you must, this is my only chance to get my clothes into Hayrod’s! Hayrod's! Why I want this more than a Countdown Teapot!”
“Well, if it means that much to you, go on then.”
The duo went to Rarity’s, along with Twilight, Pinkie and Simon.
“I was revising for my A-levels when I heard the news. Foto Fräulein?” gushed Twilight, “That’s the mutt’s nuts!”
“Yes yes,” said Rarity dismissively. “Wingardium Leviosa.” she said to a pile of red poppy pins, but they didn’t move a millimetre.
“Remember, swish and flick,” said Twilight helpfully. “Wingardium Leviosa.”
“Ta Twilight, Now Fluttershy, please hold still.” She adorned Fluttershy’s polka-dot dress with the red poppies. “I am just Little Miss Pernickety today because everything must be perfect.”
Simon took Twilight and Pinkie aside, “I ‘ave a secret, and you mustn’t tell a soul.”
“Oxtail, honeysuckle, glens of green, I swear on my allegiance to the Queen!” recited Pinkie. “That is what I call a Pinkie Treaty, and I would sooner ‘ave a punch-up with Sir Killalot than break it.”
They leaned in really close, and Simon lowered his voice to a whisper, “Rarity is fiiiiiit, and I’d fancy a snog with ‘er.”
“Hang on a tick,” said Twilight, “that’s bloomin’ obvious, innit? 10:1 against she ‘asn’t figured it out ‘erself.”
“The Queen” pointed out Pinkie Pie. Twilight couldn’t argue with that.
At exactly 1.00.00 PM, Foto Fräulein arrived at the Boutique. As the lowest-borne in the room, Pinkie stood at the door and announced, “Presenting, Foto Fräulein!”
“It is a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Foto and might I-”
“Ve have 47 seconds und counting. Vere is ze model?”
Foto’s entourage of pansexual mute stallions in leotards set up her camera. Fluttershy posed and smiled.
“Nein! No smile!” She smacked the table with her riding crop.
“Sor-”
“Nein! No talk!” she smacked the table again. Fluttershy cowered.
“Ja, ja, ja! Ze Schadenfreude! Wunderbar!” After 47 seconds had elapsed, she packed up and left.
“May I inquire as to what you thought of my clothes?” asked Rarity.
“I liked zem as much as I like marmite,” she scoffed.
After her entourage shooed all the pigeons and squirrels away, Foto Fräulein conducted another photoshoot in the park.
“I thought for this one we could…” began Rarity.
“I hated your clothes! Did I not make zat clear?”
“Actually-”
“No matter!” She hastily dressed Fluttershy in an Oktoberfest dirndl. “Flutterscheu, I vill make you ze biggest thing since David Hasselhoof!”
Before long, Fluttershy’s face was plastered all over advertisments of every kind. The adverts were on the sides of double-decker buses, on hoardings, and, of course, on the telly. Consequentially, Applejack’s apple lager sales were jolly good, but Rarity was minging because she was jealous of Fluttershy’s success. Worse still, the EBC, the one place where she was safe from the ads, was showing a 24-hour “Little Equestria” marathon.
“Sometimes I wonder why I even purchased that ruddy television license,” fumed Rarity.
“Woe is me!” lamented Rarity. “Do you not see, Twilight? I’ve wanted to be a fashion designer since I was in grammar school! Fluttershy’s gone and nicked my opportunity! This is pants!”
Twilight gasped, “Rarity! Language!”
“I apologise. But please, keep my jealousy under lock and key.”
“The Queen, Twilight,” pointed out Pinkie Pie.
“Righto, my silence it is.” Rarity sulked away to drown her sorrows in chip butty & sausage. Fluttershy entered just as she left.
“Wotcher Twilight. The Underground was running behind shedule; is Rarity gone?”
“Aye, she left just a centiminute ago.”
“Blimey, that was close. I didn’t want to see ‘er on account of I might let it slip that I don’t want to be a model...don’t tell ‘er that.”
“For the Queen, I shan’t.”
“Thanks Twilight, you’re a pussy.”
Foto Fräulein burst in through the door, “Achtung, Flutterscheu! It is time for ze fashion show!”
“Not to worry, Fluttershy,” said Twilight, “I have a cunning plan. What is the most repulsive thing you can think of?”
“An Amareican, obviously.”
“Obviously. I figger if you repulse them enough, Foto will give you your P45, you won’t have to ‘urt Rarity’s feelings, and Bob’s your uncle!”
“Why that’s more cunning than a weasel in sixth-form cunning lessons!” Fluttershy went out on stage and began to speak in her best Amareican accent.
“Howdy partner, remember when we defeated you in a war 200 years ago?” The crowd gasped. “One flight of stairs? Why I can’t count that high; I’ll take the lift! Oh no, I’m having a coronary! I’ll have to sell my house to pay for the bypass!”
“That’s rubbish!” yelled a noble.
“Go back to Covent Garden!” yelled an MP.
“You’re fired!” declared Sir Alan Sugarcube.
It wasn’t his decision to make, but Foto Fräulein did sack her, and Fluttershy got the horseshoe, as well as a cushy redundancy package that left her set for life.
Unable to keep her mouth shut any longer, Twilight cried, “Simon wants to shag Rarity!”
“OI!” exclaimed Simon.
“Dear Queen Celestia the Second,
Today I learned just how dangerous secrets can be. Secrets lead to deceit, deceit leads to crime, and crime leads to chaos. If we let ponies keep secrets, we may have to issue firearms to the bobbies just to keep order! Privacy is overrated. I say ‘if you’ve nothing to hide, you’ve nothing to fear.’ Later today, the council will be voting on a bill to install cameras at all zebra crossings to catch litterers and jaywalkers. I humbly ask for your endorsement on this measure.
Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle.”
Yay, update
Baby?
Because we all know,
Marmite is terrible.
ASDF Movie
This... was adequately enjoyable for the length. Thank ye.
A-Levels only? I thought she would be doing the IB Diploma at 6 Higher Levels.
Rarity likes marmite, she is now confirmed for most disgusting character ever. Rainbow Chav would look devine next to her.
I see what you did with the title.
The mutt's nuts? Surely there is no way in hell that's a real saying, right?
P.S. Best update so far.
Instantly thought of:
blogcdn.com/www.joystiq.com/media/2008/08/baldrick-100-main99.jpg
3777449 It's the cleaned-up version of another saying, actually.
We do need to keep a tighter watch on those zebra...
Is it just me, or did allot of the accents sound more Australian than British.
3779227
It’s not just you.
Hilariously stupendous, as usual.
3779227
Didn't to me, personally, it sounded Cockney. But of course the Australians did get some of their colloquialisms from the cockneys originally, so there is a certain passing similarity to the two.
Great work, you too!
We don't say "lift" in America.
3780834
Pretty sure that was intentional. You know, in the same sense that when Americans impersonate Brits they just say 'Pip pip cheerio, 'ello guvna' or some other combination of those exact words. We have a general idea of the other culture's stereotypes and colloquialisms but there are some things that are taken for granted. I honestly would never have thought 'you're a pussy' would be a compliment. I also thought 'shag' died almost twenty years ago.
I dunno. I might take my chances with violating a Pinkie Treaty over staring down this beast: users.aber.ac.uk/mxw/robotwars/series4/rwmkill.jpg
Is that a Blackadder reference? I love Blackadder!
The sound of hoof beats 'cross the glade!
Good ponies, lock up your son and daughter.
Beware her deadly flashing horn
unless you want to end up shorter.
Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle!
She's a lavender unicorn.
Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle!
She's very bad indeed.
LOL.
And now I want a Countdown teapot. I don't even drink tea.
Simon's "OI!" at the end killed me. Good work!
Foto fräulein?
webwombat.com.au/entertainment/movies/images/austin2.JPG
That's an idea... Replace Fancy Pants with Austin Powers!
Yes... Replace canterlot high society with the swinging 60's! And replace the garden party with the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swingers Club!
fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/029/b/b/rarity_and_austin_powers_by_johnlennondude-d4nzk98.jpg
What is Marmite?!
3798976 It's this salty savory spread that isn't distributed outside of Britain. Supposedly everyone either loves or hates it immensely.
3782325 YES! I thought I was the only one who remembered that show!
Im seriously tempted to do something like this except set in Dixie
This needs more references to good British things! I demand The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and The IT Crowd!
3798976
The inferior British version of Vegemite. Yes, I'm Australian.
I put off reading this for so long, and I am glad I did, I AM HORRIBLY OFFENDED BY THIS. WE ARE NOT LIKE THIS AT ALL.
Well, I'm not, at least. sadly there are a lot of people like rainbow chav where I live :c
you should do more research on british slang, while you already have quite a lot, there's so much more.
I just spent the last hour reading this aloud to myself while laughing uncontrollably.
I know it's a good fic when I have to stop and laugh before I let myself continue reading.
The best was the Christmas special. That was so good.
Alright then! Considering I can't really fit into any review group, I thought screw it and be a lone-wolf critic, Halo Reach ending style.
*cough* Anyway, I shall be reviewing your story over five categories: Premise, Hook, Writing, Pacing, and Characters.
Premise
The premise in this story is, simply put, funny. Your idea by creating an entire Equestria filled with fantastically made British stereotypes was unique enough to pique my interest. From your charming Derpy picture to your ever-so-humorous description, this is clamoring to be read. The entire setting opens up such possibilities for sub-plots, new character personas, and of course, the humor. You had the perfect premise to lure any comedy fan, easily toppling RainbowBob in the genre. Heck, after reading for literally a minute, I was laughing quite a lot and was waiting for the waxing story which would come.
Premise: 10/10
Hook
This is arguably the most important element of a story; and even if you disagree, you must acknowledge that it's at least one of the most. Normally, I'd consider hooks to be the first paragraph or two of the story. If they have a strong hook, it'll lure me in—if not, then I move on to the next story. The prefect hook is to have your story lure me in with the first sentence or two. While you really didn't manage that, I'm happy to say the first 15% of the first chapter did so.
Once I began, I was slightly bored from the light touches of British stereotypes, so I wasn't too intrigued. It was only when Twilight reached Simon is when things hit its max. Heck, mentioning Celestia as Queen Celestia the II? That was golden! Yes, your hook was weak for the beginning, but I kept reading to find a charming tale full of humor. While your hook wasn't amazingly-fantastic, it was good enough to invest me in the story.
Hook: 8/10
Writing
The writing was simply amazing! When I read the grammar, it was like drinking a warm cup of hot chocolate on a winter's day—I loved it! I am extremely picky about prose and vocabulary use, so I must complain there. I feel as if you missed several opportunities at tuning your prose to a more slow-paced degree. The fact that your story was very fast-paced was nice, but to keep balance, it would have been nice to have some scenes be more descriptive than they actually were.
I have no real reason to bash on the vocabulary. If you used some 1950 British words, that would be awesome; but then again, it would confuse many readers. Anyway, the choice of words you picked were great for the premise, and the prose was just under amazing.
Writing: 9.5/10
Pacing
As I have said in the "Writing" section, the pacing was very fast, but it could have benefited from some carefully-placed slower scenes. Your story felt as if it were always in flux with the humor and the ridiculously-made storytelling... and that's not a bad thing.
Some scenes felt as it they went too fast while others not fast enough. You really should try to keep each scene at the same word count. Of course, I understand if some scenes are supposed to be longer or shorter than others, but it's to keep the pacing balanced. The pace of the story itself was great. The re-telling of the episodes, but with your unique twists to them, it was very well played.
Pacing: 7.5/10
Characters
Amazing! Each personality you gave to each of the main six were incredible. I can't really say much here—they were all great, and funny too. The only character which sort of stuck out of the laughable bunch was Rarity. Unlike the others in which you gave theme ironic personalities (i.e. Twilight not wanted to go to the Gala for it was boring), Rarity was your weakest, but her interactions with everyone else definitely drove the story into the right path of comedy.
Characters: 9.5/10
Overall
In the end, My British Pony: Stereotypes are Magic was a grand slam in the comedy department, quite literally being the funniest story I've ever read on this site. The sheer about of brilliance and heart you put into making the characters, unique plots, and interesting settings really did works its way into my reading brain. Yes, your story did have weaknesses to it, but that was quickly overshadowed by the whole plethora of jokes you made.
9/10
4624914 Wow, a whole review! Thanks!
I'll keep your advice about pacing in mind when I release the next chapter.
Being a Brit myself, I cannot wait for the Babs Seed episode.
BTW it would be epic if the song went like this:
"Wanker, Wanker! She's a Wanker! Wanker, wanker. Just a big wanker!"
Just saying
-Lightning \[T]/
It took me more than I want to admit to figure out the British pun here!
Then it hit me,
'Yanks hate u, and you, and you
-Lightning \[T]/
4050940 Woot! Australians!
If I can suggest, when it's time for the Cheese Sandwich episode, replace him with Basil Brush.
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Basil_Brush_7137.jpg
You know, Basil Brush and Pinkie Pie have a lot in common.They can both be used as methods of torture for a start...
this one, you all know.
play this one from 22m, 05s
I'm sure most of the fandom agrees.