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Fallout: New Pegasus

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Comments ( 3 )

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Deathpony

Deathpony #1 · Oct 16th, 2013 · · · A New World ·

A little bit too rushed but still looks good

Lightning_Strike_Studios

Lightning_Strike_Studios #2 · Oct 16th, 2013 · · · A New World ·

3353446 Thank you for the feedback, the next part should be posted soon!

jDuke

jDuke #3 · Nov 21st, 2013 · · · Just a savior? ·

Sorry it took so long for me to get around to reading this. Anyway, it's not a terrible story. I didn't notice any grammar or spelling errors (which annoy me more than anything with these stories), so good job there! The characters seem interesting enough, but they suffer from the same problem that I notice with the entire thing. Pacing. It all seems rushed to me. Had I not been familiar with the Fallout games, Mix Tape's part in chapter 1 in particular would have been confusing to read. Just about everything seems under-explained, and some details seem to only ever be mentioned once (though they easily could be there in later chapters). The pet gecko sounded interesting, for example, but it seems like it got left in the stable. I'd try moving slower with this story, the added details would add depth to both the characters and the world. Especially expand on anything that may be a hint at what the story's eventually going to focus on. I'm guessing it's the relationships each of them used to have, but not much has been explained there yet.

TLDR: stop and smell the roses, they're not bad