Kel'Thuzad, the lich of the dreaded undead Scourge, has been teleported in Equestria, in the freezing north, near the Crystal Empire. Now, the summoner tries to return to his world, with the unexpected help of the Elements of Harmony.
Chapters (12)
- Member Since 27th Sep, 2013
- offline last seen Sep 28th, 2015
cellum95
World of Tanks player(ironically same as my username here), FimFiction author and viewers, WarThunder player(still the same username) and etc.
cellum95
Joined 27th Sep, 2013 ·
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Ok, just some constructive criticism. First of all I would say take your time when writing this. It just feels awfully rushed, and I know that I'm not in a position to say that, but just trust me, I've learned from my mistakes.
Second I would say just go through a few times and spell check, grammar check and just generally check through it. There were quite a few times in this when you change tense,
It just kind of takes you out of the story for a bit.
And finally, just, stretch it all out a bit. Describe their surroundings, add little bits of dialogue and give us tidbits of detail. You could have described to us what Kel'Thuzad was seeing right at the beginning, or what the necromancer looked like.
But overall I really enjoyed this! It's one of the, like, five fanfics I've read all the way through. Good job on the whole! I look forwards to the next chapters!
Good stuff! For your first fic, I'd say you did pretty well. Sorry if you're looking for criticism
I'm never good at critiquing! Looking forward to your next chapter though!!
3308047 Thank you good sir. Uhm..Actually, Kel'Thuzad was a necromancer before being killed by Arthas(human by then). He is now a lich, so in your due suggestion, yeah I need to research his features. And thank you for liking this story!
3308078Actually, this is my 2nd. My first one is the War on Terror.
3308104
Ahaha okay second! My story, "Twilight's Ballad" is my second fic, and I don't think it's as good as this one
3308129 I will see that fic. By the way, I followed you. :D If you have any suggestions, pls leave it to the comments. The others also.
3308132
x200 Thank you!! Promise it won't be a failed follow 
I saw that!!
3308132
If you're into that, then go ahead and read it. "Truth or Dare" is also a clop fic, but my other two, "First Night at Shiny Hooves" and "Time Goes By" are teen with no sex or gore 
Agh! I forgot to mention Twilight's Ballad is in fact a clop fic. The first chapter isn't but the second gets a little steamy
3308141 Why don't you uhm.....well...try to make another fanfic. You know, a group or one guy got teleported into Equestria something like that.
3308149
I've never really been big on the HiE FanFics, but I definitely will take it into consideration
3308149
There have been ocassions where people ranted at me for it
Also, sorry if you're a little disappointed with my writing genre
3308171 Hey I'm a good-hearted Filipino. I don't hate people. Most of the time.
3308168 Do you have any title for it?
3308182
Well, like I said, I don't really do HiE FanFics, so I don't have any at the moment, but I will definitely think about it
3308189 Ok. No offense though. I don't like pushing people to do something I want. Its absurd. Oh by the way, some undead units will also be present by 'raising the dead' spell of Kel'Thuzad.
3308209
Ahaha no worries! You're far from pushy!!
I can't wait
3308221 Doing a little by little write for Chapter 2.
hmm interesting and a gripping yet good cliff hanger
Potential good story, you may want to cut down on the dots ( . ) and add more commas ( , )
Also, I don't think RD would faint.
3308366 XD It's just my imagination kicking.
hmm do i sense a bit of foreshadowing here?
Story is really starting to grip me. Looking forwards to whatever happens next!
3315373 I hope you enjoyed it! :D
3315051 Foreshadowing?
3318314 predicting whats going to happen before it does
3319799 Ah ok. Thank you for defining foreshowding for me. :)
Change Pls to Please....
How did Applejack get from the Crystal Kingdom to Ponyville, then injured and examined in less than a day? And how can Celestia protect Applejack, if she is in Ponyville, whilst she is busy?
Is not pointless but could be worded better
This story has potential, but it doesn't really make sense. Kel'Thuzad wants to kill and raise the dead, not communicate with ponies... There are also a few grammar and spelling mistakes throughout the story, it would probably be wise to re-read and edit it.
3322993 I would.
3326980 Haha, if you were a Lich of the Scourge, you are saying that you wouldn't kill and try to raise the dead, you would talk to the ponies... I would just to try to get back to Azeroth, and then kill them once they have put up a portal or something
3327133 Haha. Rejoice, because Kel'Thuzad raised the dead in Chapter 5, helping him in strangling, or grab or whatever on Twilight. XD
3327140 sick as, update
Hahahaha fucking hell that was great
3327232 What Chapter?
3327231 XD
3327265 latest one xD
well some body better pick up that phone because i fucking called it
great chapter nice to know i was kinda right about the foreshadowing
3328514 Yup. Predictions=correct. Now I need a fucking name for the corrupted Twilight! I need suggestions.
dark sparkle- the twilight nightmare- twilight shadow- fallen twilight- nightmare sparkle- er hmm - hmm
i cant think of any others but if these help then im happy but if they dont im sorry
3330733 That's okay. Actually, those examples would give me an ample oppurtunity to use them. XD
3330769 glad to be of some help keep up the good work
3330772 I just added Anub'arak. -_-
3330777what is that exactley im not sure if i know its what i think it is
3330796 The what? I have a feeling of not-so-great this time. I need to change it. :P
3330903 hey its up to you whatever you feel is right
3330954 Nah I just rewrite the Anub'arak thing. The thing is, Kel'Thuzad is alone, unless of course he raises the dead.
Hi Guys! Important news:
The Lich of the Scourge will be refurbished a bit after chapter 6 and 7 will be out.
And I'm not making the unexpected publish you-know-what update. I don't want forcing people to recognize this story as 'a very good story' or 'what a dipshit story'. I'm just making this story as interesting as possible.
ooh twilight night good idea
props to you my friend also first comment- yay
fantastically great way to bring Anub'arak, ancient king of Azjol-Nerub into the story also
, first comment times four to the max
3334775 Tnx. XD