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The Maiden's Madness

Vivid Rising: a star when the theater puts on exquisite productions. During the off-season?
Desperately trying to get bits, as well as parts, Vivid becomes a part of a production of Apples and Old Lace. Discovering in the Fillydelphia theater an old script, Vivid begins to read it...until the story of the maiden consumes her.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 2 )

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Prane

Prane #1 · Oct 3rd, 2013 · · ·

I see there are background ponies involved in character tags - I wonder what role will they play in the story? Guess we'll see in further chapters.

You can easily improve the quality of your story by some easy polishing - place indentations whenever you're starting a new though or dialogue to make the whole text more readable. And since there will be (most likely) some lines from tha play itself involved, consider using italics to mark whenever the acting voice starts. Also, unless Vivid Rising is a human, use more equine terms instead of hands - Her hands legs shook as she made her way to the stage, The director shook her hand hoof.

SugarSprinkle

SugarSprinkle #2 · Oct 4th, 2013 · · ·

3294814
Thank you! I have been really unsettled at incorporating the pony language, mostly because this is the first fanfic I've written for MLP. I'm just glad that you enjoy it!