Hi, I'm Pinkie

Midmorning Sunshine led the most deranged criminal in all of Equestria history down the dark hallway of the Canterlot Mental Facility for the Criminally Insane. The murderer laughed uncontrollably and sang several incoherent songs about cupcakes. It was times like those that Midmorning wished she had become an actress like her sister, Dawn Sun.

Her cutie mark was of a candle and it represented her uncanny ability to comfort people in times of distress and cheer them up. While ushering Pinkamena Diane Pie to her holding cell, she felt as if she needed the comforting.

On either side of her, insane ponies, deranged griffons and unstable dragons screamed and scratched at their cell doors which were double titanium and reinforced with protective magic by Shining Armour. Each of them had been prosecuted for either arson or violent murders for which none of them got far enough to make it a national threat. Such was the power of their glorious Princess. Somehow, the simple Earth Pony in the carrier’s cage was able to elude her for several years, working under the cover of a high strung party pony with a little more energy than a supernova.

Midmorning was not a stranger to murderers, her very father had been a soldier in the Discordant Wars and had killed more than a few draconequui, but she had never seen one without even a nonsensical reason for killing. Pinkamena, better known as Pinkie Pie, had absolutely no reason for her crimes. Whenever asked, she would simply answer that their number had come up.

She turned a corner into the more dangerous part of the facility. In this section, it was not enough to just lock them up but they had to be chained as well. These criminals had managed to make it to the national level but only because of hellish power. Each and every one of them was a unicorn.

“Hello.”

Midmorning snapped to attention. The ponies around her were all muzzled, who could have called to her?

“Helloooooo?” the voice sang again.

It was then that she realized that Pinkie’s cupcake song had ended.

“Pinkamena?” she queried.

“My friends call me Pinkie,” was the confirming reply.

“We’re not friends,” the warden stated blatantly.

“Aw,” Pinkie whined. “What’s your name?”

“Be quiet,” Midmorning ordered.

Pinkie was quiet for a short while. “Don’t tell me that you only answer to friends,” she pouted.

Thinking that it would silence her faster, Midmorning lied, “Exactly.”

“Can I be your friend?” Pinkie asked without missing a beat.

Midmorning stopped. Was she being serious? Did she really want to be friends with the pony that was locking her up? A better question would be why the pony that was locking her up would be friends with her?

“I have a thing about friendships,” Pinkie explained as if she could hear Midmorning’s thoughts. “I get agitated when someone won’t be friends with me. Please say yes.”

The bright yellow Earth Pony thought for a while. Would it really be so bad to say yes? Apart from the random singing, Pinkie actually seemed pretty stable-minded, at least compared to the other complete nuts in the facility. She could actually visit her every day and comfort her and maybe even reform her. Plus, did she really want to stand her getting agitated? Then again, Pinkamena was convicted of some pretty serious crimes: murder, intent to kill, torture, illegal imprisoning, conspiracy to kill, cannibalism, forced cannibalism, etc. The list could go on.

She continued moving. “No,” she answered.

“I have to admit,” Pinkie continued. “That makes me a little sad.”

“Fantastic for you,” Midmorning responded and tried to keep the anxiety out of her voice.

How much further to Pinkie’s cell?

“What if I introduce myself first?” Pinkie suggested.

“No.”

Pinkie continued anyway. “My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, sister of Inkamena Bridgette Pie and Blinkamena Wynona Pie, daughter of Clyde Rockway and Pacmena Stone. My cutie mark is of three balloons and it means I was born to party. My favourite game is Hide and Go Seek but I tell everyone that it’s Pin the Tail on the Pony—”

“Why?” Midmorning wondered out loud.

“So you were listening,” Pinkie observed and Midmorning imaged, with bitterness, a look of smug satisfaction on her face.

“Just answer,” she barked.

“Sorry,” Pinkie said. “But I only answer to my friends.”

In a rare moment of spite, Midmorning Sunshine jerked the cage she was pushing in front of her. When she heard the satisfying ‘oof’ that Pinkie made she regretted her decision. It was unlike her to act out like that because of a minor annoyance. Pinkie was already getting to her.

She turned the corner and was in the most dangerous part of the facility. This part was reserved for the most heinous of criminals, disturbed of minds, troubled of spirits and gruesome of killers. Over the past millennia or so, only three creatures have qualified to be in that part of the CMFCI. The first was Discord but he kept getting out, the second was an unlikely one but deserving nonetheless, Angel Bunny and the third was Pinkamena herself. The denizens of this section were kept asleep by a spell created by Princess Luna that was activated once they were beyond the steel, magically enhanced doors.

“Finally,” She murmured.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

Midmorning was shocked by the question. “Uh… yeah,” she answered.

“Do you love him?” Pinkie followed up. “Of course you do, but does he love you?”

“What are you talking about?” Midmorning stopped at Pinkie’s cell. Her original plan was to open it immediately but she wanted to know where this strange pink Earth Pony was carrying her questions.

“You beg him day after day to pay attention to you but he never will,” she elaborated. “It’s really sad.”

“How do you know that?” Midmorning asked her.

“You seem like that type to be taken for granted,” Pinkie replied transparently. “You need to assert some dominance. Make him feel bad for what he does.”

“But my special place is to make people feel good,” Midmorning protested.

“There’s your problem,” Pinkie asserted. “You need to stop complaining and take some action. It wouldn’t hurt to put out a little either.”

Midmorning blushed profusely. “Put out what?”

“What do you think?” Pinkie refused to say anymore.

Midmorning Sunshine loaded her out of her cage and led her, still in shackles to her cell door. She took a chance and turned to open it. When she turned back, the most Pinkie had moved was her forehoof to scratch her hair. She allowed the pink mare to shuffle inside. Pinkie sat down right outside the door, grinning.

“Remember my advice,” she said. “And will you please come back and tell me how it goes?”

Midmorning nodded without hesitation. “Definitely, Pinkie,” she replied. “Thanks.”

She proceeded to close the door when Pinkie called to her. She stopped.

“You called me Pinkie,” the mare realized. “Does that mean we’re friends?”

Midmorning smiled. “Yes it does,” she declared.

Pinkamena smiled expectantly and Midmorning remembered her former request.

“My name is Midmorning Sunshine or Canterlot,” she introduced. “Nice to meet you Pinkie Pie.”

Pinkie grinned and allowed her to close the door activating the sleep spell.

Midmorning wheeled the empty cage back to the front of the facility, thinking about Pinkie’s advice.

“Bye Parchment,” the said to the receptionist as she left the building.

She planned to assert her place in the relationship, go against her nature a little. And, of course, she planned to come right back and tell her new friend.

At that point, there was no way she could have known that when she returned, she would find a beheaded Parchment and Pinkie’s cell door wide open. The pink nightmare would be missing and there would be no trace of her anywhere. Two days later, the murders would start again. A week from that point, Midmorning’s number would come up.

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