My Darkest Fear

by The Believer

Rainy Days

The whole world was crying, Sunset was sure of it.

It had been raining all day. She hadn't seen the sun today. Maybe it wasn't Celestia's sun here, but she always seemed to find some comfort in it. Its warm rays, its welcoming light- what wasn't inviting about the sun? Well, yes, some days it was far too hot, but she didn't really seem to care. She loved it anyway.

Perhaps it was because of her cutie mark, the mark that she hadn't had in years. That was one of the first things she'd noticed when she'd came here; her cutie mark had disappeared, and she'd felt its presence leave. As a Freshmen, she'd asked a few people about them, and they hadn't known what she was talking about. They'd said that if she wanted a tattoo, she'd have to wait until she was older to legally get one.

Her next surprise was that her magic was gone.

She asked about magic too, and all she got was laughter. She hated to be laughed at. She made sure not to ask questions again, especially if it was a sign of weakness. This new world... the wondrous place it had been when she'd arrived... she had been so confused. How had she survived Freshman Year?

She'd loved to have said because she was clever.

But she thought that it must have simply been luck.

|~|

Sunset Shimmer was sitting at her desk, a week into her studies with Princess Celestia. She was filling out her first report, a paper all about the basic core magic of a pony that was in each tribe. The core magic was the thing that gave you your cutie mark, the thing that laid the basis for your tribal magic. Each core was unique, in its own special way. For some, it gave them the ability to tell a lie just from hearing it, while others it could be something like a talent in baking.

These two types of talents fell under the two known categories, intangible and tangible.

But the core magic didn't decide a pony's fate.

The pony altered the core, with each new experience and lesson learned. With each new thing tried, and ponies they met. The core adapts to the pony, not the other way around.

She thought about her own cutie mark, the one that appeared when she had her great realization. The day that she realized that she loved to learn, loved magic, and had began her extensive studies. She really wasn't sure what her talent was, but assumed that it must be magic. She knew that her cutie mark symbolized power. Was that her talent?

So as she sat at her desk and wrote her report, she didn't notice her door open quietly. She didn't notice the soft clicking on the floor, coming closer and closer. She didn't even notice the figure standing directly behind her.

"Sunset," she froze upon hearing her name, and whipped around to see who it was.

"Mother..?" she asked, not registering who was before her.

"Yes, dear. I'm home," she smiled warmly, "I'm sorry I'm so late; I got held up in Manehatten."

The young mare just stared. She didn't remember a single time in her life that her mother had called her "dear".

"Sundrop? What's wrong?"

"Don't call me Sundrop," she clamped her hooves over her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that.

"Excuse me?"

"I-I'm sorry... it's just that.. that.." her voice went dead.

"Yes?"

"....dadcallsmethat..." she said it quickly, trying to get it over with. She cringed, awaiting the furious punishment that was sure to come. But it never came. She opened her eyes to see her mother with a sad look on her face.

"M-mom..?"

"Sunset, I didn't mean to make you upset,"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..!"

"No, it's ok. It's something special that you and your Dad have, right? I shouldn't have used it so freely,"

"...It's ok..."

"I am sorry about being late, though. I wanted to be there for your ceremony,"

"No, that's ok," she wanted to stop talking.

"I just really wanted to be there..."

"Oh..."

"So how are your classes going with the Princess?"

"Fine,"

"That's good,"

"Mm Hmm,"

"So... I'll see you later, ok? Dad and I are going out tonight, and won't be back until later,"

"Ok,"

"Ok. Bye," and with that, she left. Sunset couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. She’d never talked to her mother so long about… “things” before. And she didn't seem like herself. Maybe her winning the contest had helped?

She shook her head, and cleared her mind. Her mother wasn't angry with her, so that was a good thing. It would be silly to worry about her being nice to her, so she decided that she should stop thinking about it. She looked back to her paper. It was almost done, and it needed to be finished.

Her horn glowed as she picked up her quill, and began to write once more.

|~|

”And that is why we must always gauge our manna reserve before attempting to cast a spell,”

“Well done, Sunset Shimmer. You displayed the meanings of Spell Casting Safety quite well,”

“Thank you, Ms. Dusty Scroll,” she gave the teacher a slight bow, a sign of respect. She had just given a presentation to a lower class group, one of the responsibilities of being the Princess’s student.

“Oh, don’t be silly. Thank you,” the elder mare chuckled. Sunset had noticed that ever since she’d won the contest, the teachers had begun to treat her differently. They almost looked to her as an equal, maybe even a little more.

“It was my pleasure; I hope the class learned as much as I did,” her eyes flicked over to the younger unicorns for a moment, two rows of four. Their faces seemed attentive, and their round eyes looked eager. First year students, she thought.

“I’m sure they did. Class? Have you been taking notes?” Ms. Scroll’s attention switched to that of her class’s abruptly, her expression of friendliness replaced with one of sternness.

She was immediately met with a collective, “Yes, Ms. Scroll,” the repetitiveness of school-life already familiar with them. Obedience, like in any school, was very important at Canterlot’s School for Gifted Unicorns, if not even more so. Every filly or colt there wanted to be there, and had tried their hardest to make it.

“Ah, good, good,” she said to the class, almost sounding relieved. Sunset got the sense that the mare was trying to leave a good impression on her, or impress her even. This made her uncomfortable.

“Well, I best be going; I need to get to my next lecture.” She used this excuse frequently it seemed. Too many awkward situations between her and the staff members, and even other students.

“That is understood.” The teacher smiled a pleasant smile, then turned to the class. “What do you say?”

“Thank you, Miss Sunset Shimmer,” the class spat out automatically. How many lectures and presentations had they already had, she wondered. Was it already that familiar? They were just First Year students… even if they were Double A.

“You’re very welcome.” She tried to refrain from using the preschool voice their teacher was using, though it was hard. They seemed so young compared to her, even though they were only four years younger at most.

“We hope to see you soon!” Ms. Scroll was still smiling, and she wondered if she really meant what she said.

“Bye.” the word was spoken softly, carefully. She then trotted towards the door, and turned the knob with her magic.

“Wait!” A single yelped echoed across the classroom, and all eyes except Sunset’s looked to the culprit. Sunset merely froze at the door, waiting.

“Nova Spark!” The teacher unleashed her embarrassed fury upon the student, a small filly with white fur and a dark blue mane.

“Yes?” Sunset asked, still turned to the door. When nopony answered, she spoke again, “Well?”

“I- uh…” the filly, Nova, obviously hadn't thought it out, “How’d you get so smart?”

A few gasps and giggles bounced about the room, and Ms. Scroll looked ready to face-hoof her way to Chineigh.

Sunset Shimmer merely turned her head to look at the young unicorn, and cracked a somewhat wistful smile.

“I’m not really sure.” then she left without another word.

|~|

”Would you like some tea? Or would you prefer a different beverage?”

“Tea is fine,” she replied meekly. A month after meeting Princess Celestia still hadn't detracted from the simple awe that surrounded the tall Alicorn. Sunset couldn't help but notice how young and carefree she seemed, while also remaining calm and collected.

“Splendid. I believe that you will like this new blend; a culinary artist from Neighpan whipped this up especially for me.” Her small, ever-present smile became a little larger and more sincere.

“F-for you?” She nearly gasped. This was going to be a special blend for the Princess, not meant for somepony like her. A feeling of exasperation began to form in the pits of her stomach as she worried about what kind of respect levels she could be shattering in the near future.

“I see that you are a bit nervous.” A drop of concern entered the Princess’s eyes. “Are you alright? I had thought that you understood that the barrier of formality that usually surrounds me is nonexistent when we are together.”

“N-no, I’m fine,” she almost whispered, “It’s just… the tea..”

“Do you not like tea?” She asked, trying to figure out what was troubling her student. Suddenly, the spark of realization hit her, and she couldn't help but giggle. “Sunset Shimmer; are you worried about who the tea is meant for?”

The poor unicorn could only nod.

“It’s alright, my little pony. Clever Spices is happy to make his new blend for anypony that wishes to try it, especially my private student and I. And I already requested two cups of tea; you wouldn't want his hard work to go to waste, would you?”

“No, no of course not,” she spoke quickly, “I just- I meant no disrespect, Princess.”

“I understand.” She chuckled again, as if being told a secret joke that only she could understand. “Now let’s get to today’s study,”

“Yes, Princess.”

“Now, what is the name of area that stores our magic reserve? Now I know this is basic review, but it is always good to refresh.”

“It is called the Bene Altus Manna, also known as the Manna Well. It stores unused manna, levels depending on the unicorn’s rank and capacity.” She held her breath.

“Correct!” The Princess replied cheerily, allowing her student to exhale. “The Manna Well is what allows unicorns, and to some extent Alicorns, to keep a ‘back up’ for extreme situations. Much like a Camel who stores water within its hump, our Manna Well store excess manna.”

Sunset nodded. She’d read a little about this topic, and liked the Camel simile.

“Does the Well ever deplete or expand?” She asked her teacher, curiosity winning over.

“The overall capacity may increase with time and practice, but depletion of the reserved manna only happens in special cases.” She stopped to think for a moment.

“The most common would be when a unicorn is under major stress while casting a complicated spell, or a spell above their level, that requires vast amounts of manna. The manna well may then be unlocked and stream directly with the rest of the manna within the unicorn, which can be very dangerous. If all the manna is depleted entirely, including from the well, and the spell is still being cast, physical and/or mental injury could occur. At best, the spell will stop immediately and the unicorn will have to rest for a few hours.”

“You said the most common- are there any… uncommon cases?”

“Yes.” She stopped to grab a book off a far away shelf with her magic, and placed it in front of her student. The pages turned until a diagram of a unicorn was shown. “While the well isn't necessarily physical,” she began, pointing to the back of the pony’s head, “It is usually thought to rest back in this area, or even part of the mind itself.” She flipped the page to a picture of a depressed looking mare, and several other depictions of emotions.

“Let’s say that a unicorn becomes emotionally exhausted. In some cases, the emotional turmoil can eat away at the manna reserve. This is usually caused by negative emotions, such as stress or despair.” Her eyes darted over to a brighter looking picture, showing an enthusiastic unicorn. “But once in a while, it is found that positive emotions can accomplish the same thing. Imagine that you are really excited for something, so excited that you can hardly wait.”

“Like a foal before Hearth’s Warming?”

“Yes, like Hearth’s Warming.” Celestia flipped the page to another diagram, a close up of the figurative picture of a manna well. “You may become overwhelmed, and your mind will attempt to find a way to rid itself of the stress. In rare cases, it may aim the emotions to your manna well, and it will deplete your reserves in vast amounts in a short amount of time; meaning that it may only last a few minutes or so, but it will take a lot from you.”

“That’s really interesting,” Sunset said to her mentor, her eyes sparkling with excitement, “Have you ever witnessed either of them?”

“Why yes, I have. The last time I was present when a unicorn’s manna well was being depleted was when I-” she stopped abruptly at the sound of knocking at the rather large doors of the room they were in.

“You may enter,” she called out, the formlessness of her speech returning to her voice. Assuming that meant someone of importance was about to enter, Sunset quickly straightened up at her seat, and made sure that her quill and parchment were aligned properly.

The right side of the double doors swung open to reveal a smartly dressed Neighpanese stallion, followed by a cook with large and elaborate serving tray. The earthpony stallion had a light pink coat with a black mane, while the cook was a white unicorn with a light brown mane.

“Princess Celestia,” the earthpony spoke, with surprisingly good Equestrian, and gave a low bow. The cook, not wanting to stand while somepony else was bowing, did the same, though not quite as low-- he may have fallen over.

“Clever Spices.” She smiled and gave him a nod. “What a lovely fragrance; would that be the tea?”

“Yes, and I am honored to know that you think so.” And there was indeed a soothing smell about the room, smelling of cinnamon and other spices. “And who might this be?”

“This is my private student, Sunset Shimmer,” the Princess answered, glancing towards the young unicorn, “She is quite the bright one.”

“Ah, a--how you say--’smarty pants’?”

“You could say so.” Celestia smiled again. “Sunset, do you have anything to say?”

“I… hello…” she gave a shy smile, having been engrossed with listening to the conversation before being called upon.

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Shimmer,” Clever Spices said to her in a pleasant voice.

“You too,” she replied quickly.

“You remind me of my son back home.” He seemed to be thinking aloud. “He is a unicorn, like his mother. Very quiet, very smart… they’re always brighter than their parents, aren't they?” He directed the last part at Celestia.

“Hmmm? Yes, yes they do.”

“Anyway, I shall serve the tea now; I’m sure my friend here is tired of waiting.”

“No, not at all,” the cook said quickly, becoming embarrassed.

Clever Spices trotted over to the cart the cook had been pushing, and pushed it closer to the Princess and Sunset Shimmer. The cook then levitated a teapot off the cart, and poured two teacups for the mares they were serving. He then held out the teacups to them in his magic, but not before the Neighpanese stallion had placed a sprig of mint near the rim of each cup.

Celestia and her student took up their cups in their own magic, gave a nod of thanks, and took a sip.

“My, this is amazing,” Celestia spoke almost instantly, hinting to her sincerity.

“Many thanks, Princess.” Mr. Spices bowed once more before turning towards the student. “And you, Miss Shimmer?”

“I like it too,” she answered softly, though she spoke the truth. She donned a larger, brighter smile as well.

“Good, good.” He too smiled, and seemed a little relieved. “Well, I've taken more than enough of your time. I shall leave you to your studies.”

He and the cook then left the same way they came, leaving the two to themselves once more.

“Now, back to manna depletion- It was when I was visiting Griffonia on political business as well as personal. The Emperor had requested my presence on friendly terms, our countries being great allies at the time, as they are now. But this alliance was fairly new, and Emperor Earn and I had come up with an idea to strengthen the relations between our citizens…..”

|~|

“Hey, Sunset?” a squeaky voice called from across the room.

“Yes, Snips?” the girl was looking out the window, possibly at the raindrops falling.

“Snails and I were talking, and we kinda wanted to know if maybe you could start helping with the rent a little…?”

“I don’t have any money,”

“Y-you don’t?” The creeping paranoia he got around her began to seep in; he’d expected his request to be turned down. But he’d assumed that the girl he’d practically been serving the past few years had had some money. Where else did she get all her clothes? Ok, sure, he and Snails seemed to buy a lot of it but…

“I don’t have a job,” she responded flatly.

“Oh,” he didn’t really know what to say to that. He would've thought that he’d have noticed something like that after almost three years, but apparently not. How had she gotten to live with them anyway, with her own room and everything? First, a room at Snail’s Mom’s house, then at the house they were sharing…

“I guess I should get one then,”

“What?”

“I haven’t been paying my share this entire time,” she sounded a little sad, not emotionless like the past few days.

“That’s ok Sunset, really.” This felt like a danger zone.

“No. I owe it to you guys,” she gave a weak smile to her reflection in the window, and a half-hearted laugh. “I’ll go ask at the Cake’s Coffee Shop tomorrow, ok?”

“If you’re sure…”

“I’m sure,”

“Alright then.” He didn't know whether to feel worried or relieved, and left the room quickly with a small fist pump. Rent was a drag.

Not having turned away from the window the entire time, Sunset’s weak smile melted back to a thin bland expression, one that held deep thought.

But no one, and no pony, could have guessed what she was thinking of.

|~|

“I hate to give you a test on your birthday,”

“That’s ok. Putting it off a day would set back my lessons a day,”

“That wouldn't have been a problem. I am more than sure that you would’ve caught up in no time.”

“Maybe… but I wouldn't want to risk anything.” It was hard to miss the determination in the unicorn’s voice. This elected a chuckle from her teacher.

“Of course not,” the alicorn gave in, “So are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“Then let’s begin.” Celestia walked over to a large black board at the uppermost room of the observatory, the room that had come to host most of their meetings, tests, and lessons, and began to draw a diagram upon it. “I want you to copy this down. Now for the first question; Clover the Clever was a wise unicorn, apprentice to the famed Starswirl the Bearded. Wanting to follow the Mentor to Apprentice tradition, what ceremony did she use when choosing her own apprentice?”

“She used the Apprenticeship Pass-down, involving Starswirl on a personal level. While Clover herself had graduated from apprenticeship, the ties she had with her former mentor were still present. She passed down her own apprenticeship to the unicorn she chose, making Starswirl the second mentor while Clover had the immediate dominance. Sort of like a grandfather or a respected professor.”

“Correct. I would like you to fill out the diagram now, based on the different relationships and responsibilities between Starswirl the Bearded, Clover the Clever, and Clover’s apprentice. I want the apprentice’s name as well. Once you finish, draw a chart of your own explaining the ceremony with as much detail as you can.”

“Yes, Princess.”

“You may begin.” She then walked to a couch and sat down and started to read.

Sunset took a deep breath, picked up her quill, and exhaled. She would do this, and she would ace it. Just like everything else.

Quill touched paper, mind became focused, and the clock started. All the familiarities of a test, the seriousness of it all, gave a sort of comfort to her. A sort of uniformity that was always reliable, always there.

She had know the drill most her life.

She wouldn't fail.

Time passed on, and soon she was finished with her task.

“Princess Celestia? I’m finished.”

“Alright then.” Her book closed and was set on a table. She walked closer to her student and picked up her two papers, inspecting each like any teacher would. “Everything looks great.”

“Does that mean..”

“Yes, Sunset, you passed.”

“Yes!”

“Now let’s get back to your special day.” Celestia took on a happier expression. “Your father has a surprise for you; let’s not keep him waiting.”

“Where are we going?”

“That is a surprise also. Oh, and your mother wanted me to give this to you.” She pulled an envelope off the table with her book on it, and gave it to her student.

“I’ll read it in the chariot,” Sunset said, stuffing the letter into her saddlebags. Letters from her mother were normal now, even if she seemed to be home a lot more now.

They then left the room, a new type of excitement that seems to exist only on birthdays within them.

|~|

Sunset,

I’m writing because I won’t see you until later tonight, with a surprise of my own. Your father and I planned something for you that we hope you’ll like; the Princess even helped a little.

I couldn't get the entire day off, but at least I’ll get to spend some time with you.

See you later,

Mom

P.S. My office is a mess right now, so I would like it if you didn't go in there right now. I know you like to keep your ink in there, but you’ll have to wait until tomorrow. Love you!

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading! Feed back and comments are much appreciated :)

P.S. the backstory plot shall be introduced in the next chapter!!! Yay!! (that means that yes, the mom's random change of heart is in fact random and should be seen as odd. YOU SHOULD BE SUSPICIOUS!!!)

that is all

-The Believer

Comments

[The Gentlemen]

hmmmm, she signed it "mom." and sunset's mom doesn't sign her letters "mom."

[Cromegas_Flare]

Sunset's Mom sound ominous.... I don't like it. (by that I mean you have me hooked.)
I like how you are taking time to build the suspense to sunsets character, the way she thinks and feels about life. I am exited to see why she did what she did.
This story, I must say, is a stroke of pure genius! Good job.
Mr. Flare

[The Believer]

3343998>>3343960

haha thanks

hopefully, the next chapters will be more eventful

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Hmmm. The mother isn't all there, it seems...

~Skeeter The Lurker

[The Believer]

3344109

perhaps...

[DarthWill3]

"Never ask questions." Got it.
I'm interested into seeing how Sunset's mom got a change of heart. I hope it's not primarily because of the success.
You know what? I had a feeling that human Sunset would've had to pay rent for a place to stay. Hopefully, the landlord or landlady isn't is as cranky as Mr. Diktovitch from the Spider-Man movies:
"Sorry doesn't pay the rent. And don't try to sneak past me. I have ears like a cat and eyes like a rodent."
Ooh... I love surprises!

[NebulaNyx]

Anyone still working on this? I would love to see more.

[ColdGoldLazarus]

Oh, I didn't notice there's more!

Oh, dear... This should be interesting.

[Esorial]

ah... what could have been...