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Cosmo, Illusionist

Out of the generosity of her own heart, Sage gives a homeless a stallion a roof over his head for Hearth's Warming Eve. She also gives that same stallion shelter the day after. Then the day after and then the day after that. Then maybe for just one more day after that...

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 3 )

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Aster Viridian

Aster Viridian #1 · Sep 4th, 2013 · · · One (1) ·

It's decent. You did a fairly good job of introducing the stallion character, though I find some of your sentence structure a little confusing. Also, in the third to last sentence it says she reasoned with herself, and then it reads plotting her inevitable demise. It feels like I'm not in her thoughts anymore. But it's a good story, and you caught my attention! Keep writing!

Raster Dreams

Raster Dreams #2 · Sep 4th, 2013 · · · One (1) ·

3155466
Suffice to say, this is the end of my attempts to find errors at three in the morning. I guess I'll consider actually sleeping before I do my day after reading, so thanks for the input.

Aster Viridian

Aster Viridian #3 · Sep 5th, 2013 · · · Two (2) ·

3155798
I've been there. I've looked at stuff I've written late at night (or early in the morning) and been like "what is THIS crud?!". It's best to wait until one is fully conscious before authoring.