After a divorce, Apple Cinnamon (Applejack's mother) goes slightly insane. Apple Cinnamon isn't the merderous one, however...
My first fanfic. If it's horrible, that's one of my excuses.
Proofreader and/or editor appreciated. This is my first draft.
I also need a cover.
The word count's a lie. It's 1,001 words long.
Based on the song “Elenor Rigby” by the Beatles.
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I didn't think this was horrible. It might not be rocketing you to the bestseller list anytime soon, but it wasn't god awful. For your first story, not half bad. For the first thing you posted for others to see, it definitely could have been better.
Here are a few critical constructions. Er, I mean, constructive criticisms:
1) Grammar/spelling/mechanics/etc - There a few points where rereading your work after taking a bit of a break from it would have definitely benefited you. I'm not sure if they're simply things you missed, or if you should think about reading guides such as EQD's Omnibus and/or some of the wonderfully helpful things people have created here on FiMfic for story creation guidance. Either way, taking a look at those resources before beginning your next literary endeavor would definitely benefit you no matter you skill level with the Engrish language.
Just one example:
The because simply does not fit in this sentence with the way you have it structured. I'm guessing it was an oversight, but you never know.
A fix? Techically, an 'in order to' would work here. To fit with your narrative style, perhaps:
That's just an opinion, the thing you should know is how you want to fix it.
Also, one other thing I should mention are all the spaces you have before paragraphs. I didn't really see a method to this mechanical madness, but if there is a reason for those not-quite-indents try making it a little clearer!
2) I'm pretty sure you were going for the confusing angle, trying to really show the madness of the two characters in the 'first' chapter. You did fairly well, however, I didn't really catch the motive for murdering Apple Cinnamon. I do believe you hinted at it, but you should probably go into a bit more detail on exactly why Mothbest did what he did. This is a general criticism actually, make sure you know why your characters are doing the things they're doing, and make sure you get that logic across to the reader at some point during the story clearly. There are thousands of ways to write a story, but generally a story's events only have meaning if the characters give them meaning.
3) A word to the wise, do not tell people beforehand that your work is anything less than perfect, or that you think it is bad. Number one, why would anyone take the time to read something which, as they are told up front, might not be the greatest story in the history of words? Number two, it simply gives those who do read it a negative vibe right off the bat. But that's alright, you've got potential.
Here are some good things about this work:
A) You did a pretty good job of getting most of your ideas across, and the epilogue put an interesting spin on things.
B) I liked how you portrayed the madness of Apple Cinnamon, very good job there!
C) I like the scene with the Minister scribbling, and throwing his work into the flames. It looks like that is where you were trying to hint at his reasoning for murder, so perhaps you could try to clarify that a little more without losing the general mood!
All in all, I should say that a lot of authors do not, under pain of death, post the things that first crawled out of their brains and onto their screens. Everyone has a first story that they show off, but those who publish their literal first story aren't usually well received by their readers. It takes a bit to get the hang of writing well, and its pretty dang hard to do in your first go. Not that it hasn't been done. Anyway, moving on. If you want to go back and edit this, be my guest. You could also simply start anew, work on something different, find a new source of inspiration. Either way, you'll get better if you work at it.
~Fluttersyke
It's not really awful, it's just....... confusing. The plot is too confusing.