A Little Visit

by Annabelle RTH

Chapter 39

Author's Note:

Everypony: Slight Warning: With reference to chapter 38, we are seeing the aftermath of the event. Nothing graphic or vivid but still might strike a chord.

Until next time.

Twilight's POV

I stared at Flash’s sleeping form. He was facing away from me. I wondered how he could sleep so soundly after what I had done. After what I made him go through. I wanted to cry more but only a few droplets left my eyes.

Shouldn’t I be crying more? Shouldn’t I be wallowing with immense guilt?

He looked so terrified earlier. He was shaking and I… I couldn’t help him. The hours of research I conducted didn’t prepare me for what I saw or how I would feel afterwards.

I… He… he was the one who took control of the situation. He… he ended up comforting me. Me. How did the situation turn to focus on me? Flash faced a waking nightmare that I… that I caused.

If I could take it all back, I would. He doesn’t deserve this. He’s the most patient, understanding and wonderful stallion I’ve never known.

He… deserves some pony who will understand and I f-failed. I failed him and he… he still held me and soothed me.

I can’t let this happen again. I have to be there and be enough for him. Even, even if I have to swallow my guilt in order to help him. He deserves that. He deserves somepony who will give him what he needs; comfort food, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, pleasant silence, anything. I’ll be that mare.

I reached out to him, but I stopped myself. Normally, if I was having trouble sleeping, I would cuddle up to him but… I couldn’t. He could be a light sleeper and after what happened, I really didn’t want to disturb him. He shifted and I covered my gasp with my hooves. He turned to face me and set his hoof on my shoulder. His eyes were half open, and he smiled gently.

“C’mere.” He gently pulled me towards him. I can’t tuck my head under his chin without poking him, so I just rest my head on his shoulder and held him as close as I could. He rubbed my side with his hoof and held my hoof in his free hoof. It still amazes me how much heat radiates from him. We’d have to pull away in some minutes. I love being this close to him though. He rested his eyes while I continued to stare at him.

My Knight.

I hummed.

He opened his eyes and smiled sweetly at me again. I swallowed and was about to speak when he pecked my lips.

What?

I felt my eyes grow as I stared at him. He pecked my cheek and then my horn. I let out a soft, “Oh.”

Flash replied, “Hm.” He shifted. “You can stay up and read in the living room, ya know.”

I took a breath. “Flash?”

“You can’t force sleep Twi.”

“Do-do you want me to leave?”

I swallowed and tried to calm down my heart. The thought of him wanting me to leave made my heart begin to collapse in on itself.

He groaned faintly. “Nu-uh.” He squeezed me tightly for a second. “Mm, want you here with me.”

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I smiled. He wants me here.

“But if you can’t sleep-” I pecked his lips. “Mm.”

“Just a few more minutes. Then I can go to sleep.”

He smiled. “Okay.” He kissed my horn and rested his head back on the pillow. He closed his eyes, and I pecked his lips before resting my head on his shoulder. I stared at him for a little while longer. I can do this. I can be the mare he needs. I closed my eyes and nuzzled into place.

---

In the morning, his alarm sounded and for a few seconds, I forgot where I was. I opened my eyes enough to see Flash as an orange blur while he reached for his clock. The ringing stopped, and as usual, I moved closer to him. I paused.

Wait.

Only for him to pull me towards him.

“Eep.” I shut my eyes, hoping that he didn’t hear that.

“Something wrong?”

Celestia help me.

“W-” I cleared my throat, I took a breath and asked, “Why would anything be wrong?” I looked up at him.

“You don’t squeak like that much anymore.” He yawned. “That, and it looked like you were straining.”

“I was just…” I didn’t want to mention my worries, but I didn’t want to lie to him either. “…I… well…” My face flushed and I’m sure I had an odd smile on my face. I could feel the corners of my mouth burn.

He smiled gently at me before squeezing me. He pecked my horn. “You’re still reeling, huh?”

“Huh, w-”

“I know you. And I know you need time to forgive yourself.”

“But that’s-” I stopped. Forgive myself…

“If it helps. I already forgave you Twilight.”

My ears perked up as I stared into his sad blue eyes. I caused that sadness. I caused his brightness to dim because I was so careless… But his smile… his smile was as encouraging as ever… despite the pain and worry he was feeling over me. Me. This isn’t about me. It’s about him. This can’t be happening. Not again.

“Flash, I… I’m sorry, I-um, how are you feeling?” This isn’t about me.

“Hm?” He looked at me surprised.

“How are you feeling?”

“He shrugged and stared at me. I stared back at him. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. I felt him take a few deep breaths.

“I’m… managing. I feel horrible that you feel horrible and just want us to forget this whole thing. But that’s not gonna happen.” He tightened his hold around me. I held him just as tight. I wanted to cast a spell to prevent him from getting hurt like this in the first place. But that wouldn’t be wise. “Oh, shoot, but I am going to be late.”

“Wha-but-” He nudged me away and leapt into his bathroom. For a few seconds, I stared at his side of the bed.

“But, Flash,” I called out to him. I got out of the bed and walked towards the restroom as I asked him, “Are you sure you should be going in today?” I stepped into the restroom. He was already in the shower. “Maybe it would be best to take the day and recuperate.”

“Uh,” I saw his silhouette move as he pondered. “Yeah, yeah, um. Honestly, Twi, the thing is a-actually, can we talk when I’m done here?”

“Okay,” I left to do my own morning routine. A part of me hoped he would allow me to send a message to Shining Armor so that we could decompress today… if that’s what he wants of course. This is a delicate matter that has to be dealt with as such. I can’t shoot rainbow beams at the problem and a grand speech won’t settle this. If he chooses to go through with his duty, I can’t very well keep an eye on him… Or can I…?

There was also the matter of my own shift with Flurry Heart. My friends and family would understand that I wasn’t ditching them for Flash, but it was still a promise I made.

Even if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to give them a satisfactory enough explanation for my absence. I couldn’t mention any of this to them. Rarity tried once but all I could tell her as that this was between Flash and I. She left the matter alone, but she was also clear I could trust her to talk about this if I ever needed to. I trust all my friends really, but this is something for Flash to talk about, not for me to spread.

Maybe I could send Spike and make up excuses to leave the room to check on Flash… Or maybe a new combination of spells would allow me to … maybe open a portal to get a glimpse. Just a glimpse. Maybe I can make it so that it only opens in over my eyes. Only I could see. Would take some experiments though…

“Bit for your thought?”

“Hm?” In my musings, I didn’t realize I stood with Flash in the kitchen.

He smiled gently at me. “Sorry for interrupting.”

It took a second for me to realize what he was talking about. “Oh, um, no, no, no interrupting or disrupting. I-” My face was burning up. I cleared my throat. “I was just wondering what your decision is.”

“About working?” The toaster went off. He was about to reach for the toast, but I beat him to it and set the toast on a plate he had ready.

He turned his head back towards me. “You know, you throw me off my rhythm when you do that.”

“Just minimizing distractions. So, what will it be?”

“Already in the middle of scrambled eggs, but I can make up some Prench toast, if you’d like?” He smirked.

I opened my mouth for a retort but… I stopped myself. Maybe a retort isn’t the best idea at the moment.

“No need.” I replied. “Thank you though.”

He distributed the eggs onto the plates. I used my magic to further set the table and poured juice for the two of us. He blinked before giving his head a quick shake and we walked to the table. “Thanks.”

“Glad I could help. As you were saying?” I need an answer to solidify my plans.

“Right.” He began buttering his toast. “The thing about work is… it makes sense. No matter what happens, I go in, my brain resets and I carry on with my duty like I was trained to my whole life. Even on my worst days...” He looked away from me. I could see a gray in his eyes. My heart felt like it was clenched in somepony’s hoof. “Even on my worst days, my brain resets and I…” His lips jerked. “A lot still went through my mind but… I still had some fight left in me.” He paused and looked at me. “Does that make sense?”

“I… think so. Guarding for you is like a safe place, something constant where you knew what was expected and what to do.”

“Exactly.” He smiled and took a bite of toast.

I smiled back, nodded and started to eat. Maybe there was no need to check up on him every hour… If he felt safe on his own… Huh. There was still a prick at the back of head though. A break every now and then to find him wouldn’t be so bad… would it? I could take note of his schedule before we leave and just see how he’s doing. “All right. So long as you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. So, are you excited for tonight?” He took a bite.

“What do you mean?” I paused with the fork in midair.

“The play.”

“Oh… right yes.” I completely forgot about the play. It’s an old classic comedy that I’ve seen before that I thought Flash might enjoy. A little bit of stage combat is always a plus with him. I was about to take a bit when it occurred to me that the play was something I wanted to do that he was playing along with. “Wait, you still want to go?”

He laughed. “Of course, I do. Tonight. Tomorrow. It’s all about us. I can’t wait.”

“Oh.” Perhaps he needs this distraction and not dwell on the past. He smiled genuinely though. His resilience is amazing.

“Are you not up for it?” He cocked his head and focused on me.

“W-well sure I am, but if you’d rather have a night in, then we should. Whatever you want to do.”

He stared at his plate for a few moments. I stared at him and ate a few bites. We ate in silence for a few moments. It felt like hours. He wouldn’t look at me and I tried looking around the apartment. He didn’t… He didn’t seem upset but… but this wasn’t a normal silence. Something in my chest started to grow and I felt pressure against my heart. Did I say the wrong thing?

He reached over and took my hoof. I gasped in surprise before I stared right back at Flash. He smiled and his eyes had a new shine to them.

“I vote we go out. What’s your vote?”

I was hypnotized somehow by those eyes and smiled. Such playfulness and confidence. That’s Flash Sentry. I couldn’t help it. My heart warmed up, and I giggled. “I vote we go out.”

“Then it’s agreed.”