Rarity finds an old prophecy that means that means Nightmare Moon is coming back on the Summer Sun Celebration. Celestia send her to Ponyville to make friends, something Rarity never cared about. But when she meets 5 mares she may just carry out Celestia's demands, and save the world from Nightmare.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I don't get this.........................................at all
3040000 It's okay. The story is a rewrite of the episodes with changed Elements of Harmony.
So basically what we have here is a rewrite of the pilot episode with the Elements of Harmony changed around in a way that doesn't make sense.
In other words you took a half baked idea and ran with it in the most unoriginal way possible. What's going to take place from here on in are rehashes of the orignal episodes but with these "new" ponies playing the roles of the old ones.
Forgive me if I tell you off the bat that this is not going to fly.
I find it readable
The thing about alternate universes is that they don't copy the exact events of the universe they are alternate of. There are huge similarities, but the steps taken to get there are different, sometimes including the end results. Had this been an instance where perhaps Rarity were Celestia's student, and she failed to defeat NMM then that would be true AU and would probably hold more people's interest.
What we have here is name-switching, and that's it. Basically an epic plagiarizing of the first episode near verbatim.
I have a problem with this for several reasons. The first is obviously that it's a retelling of the first episode complete with the same events that take place. Literally all you've done is replace one character with another and repeat the story as it aired.
The next problem would be what 3040699 mentioned and that's the events that led to these characters being changed yet similar to how they're portrayed in the show, You need to ask yourself why would Rarity, a student of magic have the same personality as she does in the show? Why would Pinkie Pie be an apple farmer yet speak and act as she does? Or Applejack speak with her country accent when she obviously hasn't been bucking apples for a long time?
You need reasons for this. Maybe it could be a spell but then you'd simply be copying the "Magical Mystery Cure" as well. And if you choose not to do this then how did they get their cutie marks? All of it was due to Rainbow Dash doing the sonic rainboom. Did Fluttershy wind up doing it in this world?
Your best bet would have been to choose 5 other ponies to be the Elements of Harmony. For example instead of Applejack being the one to do the refreshments, it's somepony like Mrs. Cake or Bon Bon. Choose other ponies other than the mane six and turn this into an actual AU story and not a lukewarm retell of something we've all seen and are all familiar with.
Sorry everybody. Thank you for telling things. This is my first ever fanfiction, and it's not great. But I don't know how to fix it, even though you guys gave me some good ideas. I'll keep watching this so I can figure out how to rewrite it.
I had posted another comment earlier. I know this isn't a very good story, but it's my idea. If you can help me fix it without changing my idea(these ponies have these Elements) then I will consider changing it. I know it's just the show, but with different characters, but I had thought people would like the concept. In fact, it's rather unpopular. If things like this are what is bothering you, than maybe you just shouldn't read it.
Bye the way, I will be posting another story someday that will take place in the future. I promise that that one will not be a bad retelling of the show.