• Member Since 26th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 10th, 2013

Princess-of-the-Night


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Celestia is gone. The Capitol remains as the leaders of Equestria. Equestria is now divided into 12 districts, and every year the Capitol takes one mare and one stallion from each district to be trained and then to be entered into the Pony Games.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

Been done before.

3036883
So has HiE sotries, but that doesn;t eman they can't be done again. As long as the writer makes it unique its fine.

This has some pretty good potential! I can't wait to see it continued! It looks very well done so far. :twilightsmile: Great job on making a good MLP version of one of my favorite books. :pinkiehappy:

I gotta admit this kept me interested! I loved The Hunger Games and I can't wait to see what you do with them being ponies! (That probably sounded bad)
You've earned a watch and fave!!
:moustache:

Hmmm... i might just take a look at the hunger games now....

3036919

Actually, it's a fairly solid cross-over.

The exposition is coming way too thick, but it's not awful.

In my opinion its fine, but it uses to much from the book.

Wow I am surprised about how it came out. Very good job. Interesting ominous with a personal (to the characters) situation.

I noticed some problems, mostly things along the lines of

would had to live through

, which should be would have to live through, by the way. You need a proofreader pretty badly.

That being said, I can't imagine a capital allowing for one race to have that much of an advantage. They'd probably make it themed for a randomly selected race, disallowing any predictable advantages.

Remember the golden rule about crossovers. Do not paraphrase the subject, make a new storyline with new character ideas and personalities. You were on the right steps with a war and Celestia's death, but what about Luna, or Viceroy Cadance? And yes, that's what she technically is. Don't question me.

Overall, I would have to remain neutral on this right now. Too much tell and too little show. Too many plot-holes. Too many mistakes. I am refraining from downvoting because it's only the first chapter. I'll read the next few chapters to see if anything gets better, but if it doesn't then I'll downvote and stop reading. Nothing against you or the idea. It just lacked the 'ooomf' that stories need in their first chapter to catch a readers attention and set it apart from the rest. Ta Ta!

Just out of interest, did you take a paragraph from another Pony Games crossover and edit it?

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/15114/1/the-pony-games/chapter-1

The other author's version:

Flashbacks suddenly appeared in her mind. Flashbacks that made her drop her purse, spilling coins across the library floor. Memories of all her friends being taken away from her flooded through her head. She saw Applejack and Applebloom being torn from each other’s hooves. She remembered Rainbow Dash trying to fly away from all the Harmonykeepers, only to be brought down by nets. Pinkie Pie screaming for Mr and Mrs Cake to keep themselves, Pound Cake, and Pumpkin Cake safe. Fluttershy had tried to protect all of the animals, and put on a brave face, but her body had kept shaking as more ponies had turned up. Rarity grabbed Sweetie Belle closer to her as Harmonykeepers surrounded her and Twilight. Twilight was screaming for everypony to be calm but then she saw that Spike was being dragged away from her, screaming in terror. Twilight pushed her way through the Harmonykeepers, trying to get to Spike. As she called his named, Spike turned his head. He started to scream Twilight's name but was silenced by Harmonykeepers pushing him to the ground. The screams of all her friends were ringing in her head.

Your version:

Flashbacks suddenly appeared into her mind. Flashbacks that made her drop her purse making all the contents spill out on the floor. Flashbacks of all her friends being taken away from her came into her vision. She saw Applejack and Applebloom being torn away from each other's hooves. She remembered Rainbow Dash trying to fly away from all the Harmonykeepers but being brought down by nets. Pinkie Pie was screaming for Mr and Mrs Cake to keep themselves and Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake safe. Fluttershy was trying to protect all of the animals and trying to be brave as she can but she was shaking as more ponies turned up, Rarity grabbing Sweetie Belle closer to her as Harmonykeepers surrounded her. Twilight was screaming for everypony to be calm but seeing that Spike was being dragged out from the library. Screams of terror were coming from him. Twilight pushed her way through the Harmonykeepers trying to get to Spike. Twilight called his name, Spike turned his head. He started to begin to scream Twilight's name but was silenced by Harmonykeepers pushing him to the ground. Screams of all her friends were ringing in her head.

Actually, on closer inspection, most of the chapter seems rather similar.

Hmmm, this is gonna be interesting. Crank these chapters out quickly please!

Comment posted by JeckParadox deleted Aug 13th, 2013

3039309 it's the same person with a new account. :twilightsheepish: I got mad when i saw it too, but she explained what was going on.

I really liked this. Hope you continue the good work. Indeed I liked it so much, I made a reading of it :twilightsmile: Hope you don't mind :coolphoto:

Can you update please? This seems promising and i'd really like to see what happens! :pinkiehappy:

I have a couple of questions honestly.
Like what happens to Spike after they took him away.
And what happened to Princess Luna?

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