• Member Since 19th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 7th, 2019

Smash Fortune

Smash!!!!! Ahhhh!!!


After a spectacular failure, Star Swirl the Bearded comes out of retirement in the founding days of Equestria to guide two young apprentices, Clover the Clever and Lily the Lovely in the ways of magic. As he struggles to help the young students learn the details of their gifts, the three of them face some of the greatest threats in Equestrian history. Though Star Swirl serves as their mentor and tutor, he discovers more about himself than he ever imagined possible by facing the sins of his past and struggling to see they are not repeated.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 6 )

Captain Hurricane

Commander. You make this mistake twice.

This reads very much like a movie. So like a lot of movies, very little has been revealed aside from some character motivations and foreshadowing. With that said, I am curious to see what happens next.

Word of advice, however, a bunch of 1000 word chapters won't cut it if you're trying to tell an epic story. I wouldn't filibuster in the prose, but I would have more happen (plot developments, character introspection, such and such).

So yeah, looking forward to the next chapter :ajsmug:

3004787 Actually that was intentinonal and is addressed...

"Ever since Captain Hurricane received her promotion and became the weather herald she's been pushing the other pegasi to higher and higher standards."

I figured it would help reflect the passage of time. It's a promotion one rank up from Commander. (Using US Navy officer ranks as a guide).

You make good points about the stylistic choices I'm making/ I've such a short attention span that I tend to write in 1000-2000 word "bursts". Very quick, very pulpy - as you said, very film-like. I'll take that into consideration, though and try to work on character development.

Dude, this is really awesome. I thought of making something like this for a long time, but my writing just wasn't good enough for it.
I'm glad somebody had the same idea and enough skill :pinkiehappy:

3021401 Awww! Thank you! I'm working on the next part (or procrastinating from working on it) today. I hope to have the next chapter up tonight. I'm only working from a loose outline and would like to include a lot of the stuff in early Equestrian history, but it's a matter of weaving a single coherent story.

Thanks so much for the praise! It really helps! :heart:

Comment posted by DbzOrDie deleted Aug 10th, 2013

Eyeup. Definitely better than anything I could have done :rainbowlaugh:
Keep these chapters incoming, you fine sir :moustache:

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