You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on!

Where there's smoke

It was supposed to be a normal day in Ponyville, except that a small glitch with the weather machine in Cloudsdale turned it dark and menacing. Nothing that couldn't be handled, but mistake after mistake turns a minor inconvenience into a major catastrophe. Will the Forest be saved? And more importantly, will everypony survive?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 4
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Feesh

Feesh #1 · Feb 24th, 2012 · · ·

Not even sure if you'll have a chance to read this, but I have to say I enjoyed it. There was definite room for improvement. First off while packing little lessons into everything is a part of the show, I think it would have been better if you just focused on the one at the end. Also, I noticed that for the rarity scenes, it's written as if shes the narrator. You have to remember that it's third person, and the narration should stay constant. Show the characters through their dialouge, not how you describe the scene. All in all though it was good, and well written. You have a great chance of recieving my vote unless the next story I read is amazing.

Path_of_cloud

Path_of_cloud #2 · Apr 9th, 2012 · · ·

253498 you can show the charcters thoughts and feelings outside of dialogue and actions in 3rd person writing its known as 3rd person omniscent (you are also told spike's, zecora's, futtershy's,twilight's, derpy's, and rainbow dash's) where as what your talking about is known as 3rd person limited both are perfectly accepted forms of writing and i personaly applaude the use of omniscent here its used quite well

Also the fact you have 3 downvotes personaly screams that you were trolled its a solid story little short for my usual taste but thats hardly relevant to the writing a few gramarical errors but were all guilty of that and the spelling was sound so again i applaude your writing hope to see some more in the future

on a more personal note love how you had spike run into save rarity without a secound thought like that; courage forged from love always a fantastic thing and having spike go so far even at personal cost gota love it

DreadedCandiru2

DreadedCandiru2 #3 · Jun 9th, 2012 · · ·

Well.....This, I like. Sure, Derpy got herself half-killed and wound up a glorified Earth pony but she did step up. Sort of a high price to pay to shut RD up but that sort of thing happens.

awesomespike