Queen Galaxia The Most Awesomest Amazing Alicorn To Rule Them ALL!

by JDC

Queen Galaxia Breaks the Fourth Wall and Tells Everyone What Is Wrong With Mary Sues

~Author: JDC~

In a flash of blinding light, JDC is brought out of the bag, fully healed, while the terminators wonder how the Sue they destroyed came back.

"Let me explain, this fanfiction about me was written with my Mary Sue-ness exaggerated to truly ridiculous levels on purpose, " explained Queen Galaxia. "The whole point is to highlight how annoying and unrealistic such characters are, while taking it to such absurd levels in an intent to create a comedy that is so bad that it is good.

"For starters, I appear out of nowhere, with a grand name and title, and very importantly, no explanation given as to why I am there. Not only that, but in the first sentence alone, there is a start of a description that already puts me on a higher level than Princess Celestia in MLP:FIM. If that wasn't bad enough, a run-on paragraph that has more than twice the sentences a paragraph ever should is used to describe me, with a ludicrous amount of detail that puts me far beyond any other character. Not only that, but the accessories I wear get overdone to the point of insanity. I mean, who wears SEVEN rings on their horn? At least I didn't take on a red and black appearance, or have flowers grow wherever I walked.

"Moving on to another trait that is sadly common in Mary Sue characters, other characters behave most unrealistically around them, often worshipping the very ground they walk on, in spite of the fact that the Mary Sue is a complete stranger. There is certainly no realistic reason for ponies to stare at a character, even a beautiful Mary Sue like me. The whole part with pegasi dropping out of the sky due to distraction was just the icing on the cake as far as this style of bad writing is concerned.

"Then, I'm suddenly all worried, with no description about my nature, only my looks. The way I react doesn't seem at all realistic. If I found pegasi falling to their deaths around me, 'Oh dear!' would be a massive understatement, even if I can fix it effortlessly. Not only that, but even my horn's aura gets a description that puts me even further into Mary Sue-ness.

"Next, they all behave as if I'm God's gift to ponies, which is unrealistic, even if I resurrected them. There is no way they would suddenly just love a stranger more than Princess Celestia of all ponies like that, it's so horribly unrealistic it would make many authors cry. Although the humility I show can be realistic, it gets used to persuade other ponies in a horribly exaggerated way, which would never really happen.

"Furthermore, I end up starting to remove the flaws of other characters unrealistically, which doesn't make any sense, and makes them BORING. A lot of the fun in MLP:FIM is based on characters having flaws and the tension which it creates. Mary Sues tend to be so 'perfect' that this tension and fun is removed from the equation. I even end up getting used to turn the Mane Six into Mary Sues along the way, just to highlight how bonkers the whole thing is, and for a laugh.

"Next up, even though Pinkie Pie is hyper, she still acts unrealistically around me, suddenly treating me as the best thing ever, and throwing an INSTANT party out of nowhere, instead of realistically planning one, inviting guests etc. Even Pinkie Pie has to obey the laws of reality from time-to-time, otherwise it just reads very badly. Not only that, but adjectives keep getting overused to describe me, before I speak my name, 'awesome' being the most egregious example.

"Not only that, but random ponies, and the rest of the Mane Six, just happen to be drawn in by awesomeness for the sake of the plot, rather than realistic reasons for them to be there. The amount of stuff that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever would be utterly maddening by this point, except if the fanfiction was purposefully written badly that is.

"Even the humour injected into the story is used to exaggerate what is wrong with me, as if I'm the star and the only important character, and the rest are just along for the ride and do nothing more than bask in awesomeness, which is another key flaw with Mary Sues. Merely mentioning a Gary Stu called 'Wesley Crusher', for example, would induce a lot of rage, given the way that he is made more competent than the entire main cast in an alternate universe my author had me mess with! Even his own actor hates him.

"Next, I meet the Mane Six, and they are described in several words only, rather than the absurdly long paragraph used to describe me, as if I was far more important than they ever could be, which just makes the Sue-ness all the more jarring. This even gets purposefully exaggerated by the Mane Six thinking that I'm all that's important, in THEIR opinion. It's just such sloppy, awful writing that would reduce many readers to tears, if it wasn't being exaggerated as a comical lesson.

"Not only that, but I end up mentioning how I CASUALLY eliminated a major threat in the 'Star Trek' universe by freeing the people trapped in the Borg Collective (and effectively destroying it), one of the biggest threats to the Federation in that universe. It's made even worse by being mentioned as if it was just a casual, effortless task; instead of a monumentally difficult task (for those who aren't Q-level in power). At least the author went with 'show, don't tell', by not making it explicit that the Borg Collective was being referred to. For the Star Trek fans among you, a Borg Cube has a volume of 28km³; taking the cube root gets you around 3.0365889718756625194208095785057 km a side. Even doing this mentally would be unrealistic, unless there was an explanation for me being able to do so; the figure given was calculated by my author using Windows Calculator, who likes to add insane precision as a joke.

"Next up, my attractiveness is dialed up to even more ludicrous levels, where all the stallions fall in love with me as if I had cast a Want-It Need-It spell on myself. Although the mares had somewhat realistic reactions to the unrealistic reactions of the stallions, the stallions end up going for an all out elimination deathmatch to see who would get me, with absurdly ridiculous consequences. The author also highlights the insanity of being inconsistent with descriptions of characters by mentioning that an earth pony stallion is too much of a background character to be worth describing. Not only that, but the story was written to have me go as far as breaking the fourth wall to avoid explicit sexual content, even though it is not explicit that I am the one doing the scene change.

"To make things even worse, but the author invokes railroading into the plot, putting characters where they want to be; rather than thinking of how characters might realistically end up there, and this isn't the first time it has happened. I was put into Sugarcube Corner just so that I could not see the violence, which I would naturally stop quickly with my morals and Mary-Sueness. Instead, the author let the situation degenerate so that I could pick up on things going wrong, and then use even more stupid Mary Sue-ness out of nowhere to repair all the damage instantaneously, then scold the stallions (with unbelievably unrealistic overreactions), and magically persuade their wives to accept them back while putting them on the couch for three months each. The only thing realistic about the violence is that Big Mac would indeed have the strength to Falcon Punch, or Falcon Hoof, anypony else into oblivion. This is why he was the last stallion standing, unless of course a unicorn was smart enough to use magic to his advantage.

"As if the Sueness was not nearly bad enough already, the author then purposefully writes a sentence where nearly every possible error in spelling, punctuation, and grammar is made, and then has me break the fourth wall to fix the mistakes. Not even Pinkie Pie gets to go to such ridiculous extremes.

"Next up, the author has me meet each of the Mane Six individually, where I end up outshining them at their own special talents, grant them some Mary Sue-ness out of nowhere with no valid explanation, along with using Mary Sue-ness just to make things more ludicrous, and ridiculously short time-scales for a lot of them. Not only that, but a lot of references are thrown in out of nowhere just to make the whole thing even more ridiculous. The author goes even further by having me magically know what to say to the Cutie Mark Crusaders to get them their Cutie Marks so that they can disband and stop being a menace.

"I could go into detail about how messed up each of the six scenes are, but they have a lot in common. I just happen to know a lot more things about everything, eclipsing the Mane Six in their special talents so dramatically I make them more Mary Sue-like along the way. I'd like to mention the absurdity of the Ursa Major scene alone, even one would be pretty crazy, but where would there be room for TEN of them? Then, the author almost admits how stupid the writing is by railroading the Mane Six into meeting me 'for no apparent reason', just to further the plot.

"Instead of teleporting straight outside the castle, or even contacting the Princesses before doing so, I instead get railroaded into a plot where I have to take down a villain. The author deliberately uses the fact that Q and Discord have the same voice actor, and are very alike, to make them the same characer in this fanfiction. Not only that, but the author makes things worse by going for an unrealistic, even for me, method of defeating DisQord. Simply teleporting DisQord to my location, holding him in place, and then going all Elements of Harmony on him would be FAR more realistic than the absurd crossover which ensued, just for a cheesy 'Chaos Control' reference to trump DisQord.

"You might notice that the author actually makes things realistic, when it cuts to Sonic battling Dr. Eggman; the characters behave normally when I'm not around, even though the author deliberately has Dr. Eggman repeat clichéd dialogue from Sonic games. Once I'm around, however, they fall apart into behaving unrealistically awed and wowed by me. I just take the Chaos Emeralds that Sonic needs to wipe out Dr. Eggman's mecha, then I use them to cheesily trump DisQord. Next, I make a painful trollface reference, and then go into Sonic's universe where I magically arrive, just in the nick of time to save the day (on purpose, of course). To add to the silliness, I then shine, not one, but multiple beams across the cracks around Canterlot after saving it from Discord and putting it back in, just to show off more Sue-ness.

"Sonic, naturally, has no problem with being a hair's breadth away from being annihilated by Dr. Eggman, thanks to me, because I'm written as a know-it-all Mary Sue who is to awesome not to adore. Obviously, Sonic would actually be outraged at what had happened, even if it did mean Dr. Eggman's defeat. Things get even worse, as I steal the limelight from Sonic in his own universe by capturing Dr. Eggman and removing him permanently, something Sonic never did.

"Next up, the railroading plot continues as I simply take everyone with me directly into the throne room, instead of doing the normal thing like walking in and announcing my identity, or telepathically telling my daughters that I'm coming. Not only that, but this would have been the ideal time to deal with DisQord, who had now been transformed into a stone statue. Instead, with sloppy writing, my author left it until later for DisQord to be dealt with. Once again, you will notice the characters behaving normally until I arrive. At least the guards are trained not to be taken in by a Mary Sue's awesomeness when I appear; however, the Princesses are a different story.

"In spite of being in the presence of four of their guards and the Mane Six, they start behaving like very young children, hugging me in affection, while I return it. To make things worse, they start acting like babies when they ask for a belly rub, and I give them one with truly cringe-worthy mothering in front of everypony, that at least had predictable results (making everypony else laugh their heads off).

"Next up, in keeping with the perfectly flawless (and unrealistic) nature of my character, I put a stop to the laughing. Then, I simply bring along everypony with me, as they've been roped into being nothing more than tag-along characters, to face a powerful villain who appeared out of nowhere for absolutely no reason, which is unbelievably awful writing.

"I then take the set of artifacts that forms a central theme of MLP:FIM, and create a new, more powerful one out of nowhere, while making an absurd Lord Of the Rings reference along the way. I then effortlessly purify the currently petrified DisQord, sending him back to make up with Captain Jean-Luc Picard using his favourite tea. Not only that, but Unicron just becomes unrealistically repentant, just like that, and even starts crying the robotic equivalent of tears, despite being a planet-destroying god.

"Next, the new Element of Love is used as an excuse to rope Princess Cadance and Shining Armour into this 'Katamari Damacy'-like mess, where Princess Cadance is naturally the one suited to using the new element, and then EVERYPONY is made into an alicorn, having their Mary Sue-ness ramped up to 9001, and a blow struck for gender equality with the first male alicorn (in my author's opinion, Shining Armour deserves it more than any other stallion). After more pathetic wowing, I then casually take away Princess Celestia's and Luna's duties for controlling the Sun and moon, by invoking a more natural method simply by making celestial bodies move and rotate at the right speed.

"Next, the author decides to 'redeem' Dr. Eggman, while invoking alicorn Flutterrage with a cheesy reference to the two-parter episode with Discord, not to mention a very unrealistic explanation for his hatred for Sonic being eliminated. As the coup-de-grâce, my special talent is shown off by having me create entire galaxies, which takes the Mary Sue-ness to a whole new ridiculous extreme, not to mention it should make people wonder why I even bothered dealing with DisQord and Unicron the way I did. If I had such powers of creation, I wouldn't even need to bother with Chaos Emeralds or Elements of Harmony, I could merely will them into submission.

"As the last part of this story, my author intended to have you sent in to take me on, beat me, go as far as being seconds away from killing my author, and then for me to come back to life and save the day, even though you were allowed to destroy me. For that purpose, I was railroaded into sleeping out in the open, for no reason, instead of something more realistic like spending time with my daughters. Magically, Sue-minator scouts just happened to be nearby so that you guys could take over. Of course, my author couldn't resist using my Sue-ness to blow them sky-high.

"Regarding the title of the fanfiction and its first chapter, they are also absurdly overblown, using excessive alliteration to describe me, and even making spelling mistakes such as 'awesomest', a word that does not even exist, to make it look like it was written by an utterly clueless writer. Also, some people may have a problem with my author using United Kingdom English instead of American English for spelling.

"If I was to be a remotely realistic character, for starters, I would need to have an origin story. It would take something like one billion years, if not a lot more, to even be able to create galaxies like that, as well as knowing so much that I outshine everyone else. Furthermore, the rings on my horn would need to be cut back to one, maximum, and the jewels elsewhere would likely also need to be toned down. That's just the bare minimum.

"I would also need to have flaws as I'm not an all-powerful, perfect being, something that can be used by enemies against me. The flaws may even be me not being prepared to permanently kill someone if that is what it takes to stop evil. At the very least, I should have some interesting personality quirks thrown in, rather than being a bland, holy, perfect goody-four-shoes that threatens to destroy the fabric of reality by contradicting it. The enemies that I face would need to be realistically challenging not just to me, but to everyone with me; with everyone able to play a supporting role, instead of me unrealistically (hedge)hogging the limelight while everyone else just watches.

"Alicorn OCs can work, but you need to consider how the existing ones in canon work, the Sun and Moon duo have both been alive for over one thousand years, it only stands to reason that at least Princess Celestia is insanely powerful as a result, and even she is not invincible. It should also be pointed out that alicorns are extremely rare for a reason, becoming one is something that must be earned, not just a starting point for a new character. There has to be some good explanation for the alicorn OC to have become an alicorn in the first place."

"Finally, I promise you I will NOT be used in fics, except as an example of horrifically bad story-writing, designed to make people laugh at the absurdly over-the-top nature of what I do, rather than simply awful writing that make people cry tears of sorrow. The author did not create that story as a pathetic self-insert, but for the right reasons, and it was extremely painful for the author to do so."

The terminator realises that he made a mistake here. "Oh, sorry, we thought you were one of those Sues written by a moron who would do nothing but make eyes bleed, computers explode, and cause World War 3 due to their stupidity."

"I'm afraid you will all have to be punished for what you have done, " said Queen Galaxia. In a flash, the damage to Equestria, and the world it is on, was repaired, as if nothing had happened after the Sue-minators struck. All of the terminators that were involved suddenly appeared back in their HQ, fully repaired, with Queen Galaxia in front of them. They no longer spontaneously combusted, exploded, imploded, collapsed into a singularity, or anything else because they knew the Mary Sue was set up to be an example of bad writing on purpose.

"I've decided to bring you all back to life, as you made a terrible mistake. In return, however, you are all going to have to make sure you don't go after Mary Sues that are purposefully written as such as an example of how not to write stories. I think you owe my author and me an apology."

"Sorry, our bad," the magically guilt-tripped terminators said in unison, crying tears of oil.

"Apology accepted, " Queen Galaxia disappeared in a flash of white light, and ended the guilt trip.

"Let's get back to busting REAL Sues and suethors!"

"YEAH!"

Suddenly, ten separate alarms started wailing.

"Sir! We've got another Sue that's popped that up, this one is even worse than Soluna and Gaia combined!"

Five terminators exploded, while another five spontaneously combusted, melting into a black goo.

"This is bad, we haven't even seen this Sue, and already she's killing us!"

"Could things possibly get any worse?"

Ten more terminators imploded, while another ten fell over, writhing in pain, screaming "IT BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRNS!"

The sound of a metallic body being thrown through a screen, followed by the sound of a mini-nuke going off rocked the HQ.

"The next one of you who tempts fate will be sent in against the Sue alone!"

To be continued...?

Author's Note:

This time, my Alicorn OC removes the fourth wall entirely and explains entirely what is wrong with the way she's written, and what would be required for her to be that powerful while maintaining realism. Also, it leaves a possible sequel for the Sue-minators to keep hunting down Mary Sues open.

Comments

[omega-ze-wargod]

nice

[JDC]

I forgot to tag this as completed.
Please leave comments if you like/dislike this.